Post # 1
I’m new to this site and this is my first post here but I’ve been reading for a while. My and my Girlfriend have been dating for around 3 years and have been close friends for over 4 years. We have lived together for about a year and a half now and during the past year we have started talking about our future together, where we’re going to live, marriage, etc. Recently I decided to buy rings for us (still a secret!) and I am beginning the process of planning an engagement. I am very excited but have a few concerns about what other people will think as well.
First of all, we are still quite young and extremely close in age (20 1/2 years old). Like I said we have been together for 3 years now and constantly get comments on how harmoniously we function as a couple. As of right now I am planning the engagement for about 6 months from now around the time of our 21st birthdays (mid-August). I’m not sure if it’s weird to start planning an engagement so early, or is it normal? Haha
Once we are engaged we will of course discuss the timing of the wedding together but as of right now I am thinking I will suggest planning the wedding for summer 2017, around our 23rd burthdays. This timeline is due to the fact that I will be graduating college spring 2017. My Girlfriend will grduate spring 2016 however and then work full time for the next year while I finish my degree. I know this is a long engagement period and I’m worried people will doubt the seriousness of our engagement or otherwise look down on us. I see my classmates who are engaged young being judged quite harshly by others around them, and it doesn’t help that LGBTQ engagements are rare and strange to some people.
Since we are college students on a limited budget the rings I picked out were quite inexpensive but still something I love and I know she will love as well. She is not a fan of jewelry ususally and prefers very minimal jewelry if any. Both are in white gold with very small diamonds. Her rings is actually a thin wedding band decorated with diamond accents, while mine is in more of a traditional engagement/promise ring style with a total carat weight of about 0.25. I’m assuming the center diamond is like a 0.2ct or less. They still haven’t come in and I wont be getting them for about a month but I’m excited to see them! haha Here are some glorified photos off the website though!
It is actually fairly important that we get engaged and eventually married as soon as feasably possible because my Girlfriend is a Canadian citizen who is currently studying/working under a temporary student visa. Once engaged and married we will begin her transition to having a green card and eventually becoming a US citizen. We have talked about this extensively and we want to do it ASAP! 🙂
I feel a little weird buying myself my engagement ring because it has bigger diamonds and was a little more expensive than my GFs ring, but I know she will probably berate me fer getting her a ring at all in the first place so I suppose its okay? lol It’s confusing how engagement/wedding etiquate is suppose to work out in lesbian couples!
Thanks for reading my story and I’m excited to participlate on the boards more and more!
Post # 2
Congrats and happy planning!
My partner and I have been together just over a year and a half and I proposed to her in November and she reproposed back a week later (as per our agreement!). We’re both 28 so a little bit older than you two, and we will be getting married this summer.
It’s definitely a little bit easier for us because we both have “grown up” jobs and are financially stable but I think it’s adorable that you two are just going for it and I wish you all the best.
There are some great ideas here on saving money and still having an incredible wedding. YAY!
Post # 3
Oooh puuuurdy. Love it! And great story. Who cares if you are young? I was 22 when I got hitched to my man. I know ignorant straight people can be judgy but dont let buzzkills spoil ypur fun!! Gooood luuuuuck!!
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2015 - The Victorian
awww! I don’t think it’s weird to think about proposing this soon. Those rings are beautiful. I especially love yours though. Haha. I think it’s very sweet you took her style into consideration though. We wish you the best here at the bee and feel free to ask any other questions you have!
Post # 5
Thank you so much! 🙂 I love this site, it’s so fun!
Post # 6
The store I bought the rings from finally emailed me a shipping confirmation! Looks like they’ll be getting here a lot sooner than I was expecting! Eeeeeeek! 🙂
Post # 7
Yaaaay. We NEED pictures soon to be Mrs!!
Post # 8
Congrats!!! As long as you two feel ready as a couple don’t worry too much about what other people say/think! Young doesn’t necessarily mean not ready! I met my husband when he was 20 and I was 21 – we have been together ever since! We got engaged later but it wouldn’t have mattered – I was his and he was mine and that was that – when you know you know! Your rings are lovely and since you took her style into account when choosing hers you don’t have to worry that yours is a more traditional style 🙂 who knows – maybe when you choose wedding rings you will go traditional band route and she will pick one something with a centerstone. 🙂 happy planning!!
Post # 9
How exciting!! The rings are so beautiful and classic. Congrats and happy planning!! xx
Post # 10
Pretty pretty rings! I agree with all the PPs: I think it’s normal to think about and plan out an engagement. Try not to worry too much over feeling that you’re too “young”. When you know you have found your soul mate, you just know. No matter what your age. My mom was 19 when she and my dad got married, and they are going on 56 years strong!
I also wanted to chime in because you mentioned being a little bit worried (that might not be the right word, but my brain is floundering a bit — long day) over having a long engagement. Don’t worry about that, either. You and your SO have to do what is best and what is right for the two of you. No one else matters. My DH and I had a much longer engagement than you are planning. We were engaged for 6 years.
Post # 11
First of all, congratulations! I definitely understand your feelings that engagement/wedding planning can be confusing as a lesbian couple because there aren’t specific “roles” that you know you’re going to play – but that just means that you have more freedom to play it out however you wish. I knew at 21 that I wanted to marry my partner, and I’ve been fantasizing about engagement ever since. The timing just wasn’t right for us till this year. Try not to worry too much about being judged and enjoy planning your engagement/being engaged. We will likely have a long engagement as well, which I am looking foward to. I’m nearing the end of engagement planning (I’ll be the proposer since it means so much to her, though I’d like a ring someday as well!) and it can be nerve-wracking but very, very exciting.
Post # 12
Aww, congratulations on such an exciting time in your relationship! I think those rings are lovely, and a 2-year engagement isn’t that long at all! A lot of people these days are engaged for a year and a half, so two years really isn’t much longer, and when you’re young and in school it makes sense (:
Post # 13
Welcome, and an early congrats! What an exciting time 🙂
Depending on how elaborate of a proposal you want to have, I think it makes sense to start planning early. If nothing else, it’s fun to look forward to.
I was 23 when my fiancée and I were engaged so a bit older than you, but we had been together less time. I think a long engagement can be great. In our case, we’ll have been engaged for just over two years when we get married next May. We got some weirdness about it from older generations, but people our age understood where we were coming from in terms of the longer wait. At the end of the day, you just have to let it roll off you… Only the two of you can know what’s right for your particular situation, and it sounds like the timelines are also impacted by immigration stuff.
I ended up getting my fiancée a “wedding band” as her engagement ring as well – and it’s super plain, with just one tiny diamond in it! I think some people thought it was weird, but she loves it to death. I’m sure your gf will appreciate your thoughtfulness around her taste.
In terms of engagement/wedding etiquette, I think half the fun is making your own rules 😉 In all honesty, most people aren’t around a ton of same-sex couples so they have zero idea what to expect from the two of you. It can be SUPER liberating when it comes time for making wedding plans! I feel pretty comfy throwing tradition out the window as we need/want.
We actually ended up proposing mutually – she didn’t know I was going to, though. I knew it was coming and we’d always said she would do the proposing, but at the end of the day it was important to me to feel “equal” (not that you both need to propose for that to happen, but it’s what I needed to do). She’d cooked me a four course meal, laid out candles and had fairy lights and the whole shebang. We had an amazing night, she asked me, I said yes… And then I went and dug out a scrapbook I’d made her with a ton of our photos and a letter broken up over all the pages. The last one just said WILL YOU MARRY ME? with her ring in a little envelope. She was totally surprised; it was awesome 🙂 Basically what I’m saying is… Do whatever feels right for you, and for the two of you. Enjoy this time. Other people can doubt or judge all they want, but at the end of the day, it comes down to what’s in your hearts.
Post # 14
What an awesome story! Thanks for your reply (and everyone else’s as well!). I feel more confident about everything now :)<br /><br />Because I was expecting to not have the rings in hand for almost another month I had decided that the summer would be a good time to pop the question just because that’s when our birthdays are and we wont be in school during that time. But now that it looks like the rings are coming way sooner than expected (like here next week!) I’m tempted to consider moving the date up… quite a bit. <br /><br />Over spring break (1 month away) we are taking a road trip up to Vancouver, BC with one or two of our closest friends. The main goal of this trip is for my Girlfriend to renew her visa and passport, but we also just wanted to take a little mini vacation. Vancouver is special to us because we spent a week there together just a few days after we officially started dating (this was back in 2012), but liek I said before we had been friends for over a year at that point. <br /><br />There is one beach in Vancouver where we spent some time on our last day in Canada three years ago. We found little hermit crabs and sand crabs, my girlfriend saw the ocean for the first time, and it was really just a very romatic memory that I have always held onto. In fact last year for Valentines day I bought her a sterling ring with a little crab on top as a gift, and even though people probably ask her weird questions about why she has a crab ring she still wears it almost every day. <br /><br />I’m thinking about getting her back to that beach somehow and proposing there. I was browsing etsy today and found some little ring boxes made out of clam shells and I think that would be a creative way to propose! Hand her a shell and say, “check out what’s inside there!” and then she opens it and finds a ring! 🙂 I’ll have to think about it for a while longer before I decide for sure though. <br /><br />Thanks again everyone for the kind words!