Post # 1
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
It looks like this section is a bit slow, but I wanted to post an intro here since my fiance and I (both female) are planning our wedding this year (well, mostly I’m planning it). 😉 I’ve been getting a lot of general questions answered at Weddingbee through online searches, and I figured why not set up an account since I happily saw an LGBTQ section. 😀 Anywho, I’m very excited for our wedding and we’re just now looking for a venue and putting together our invite list. We have a very flexible date (end of year) and will hopefully have a date set once we find a venue within our budget.
And now a question! How do you deal with immediate family members who won’t be coming because they are bigots? My fiance’s mom so far has said she will not come to the wedding (to her, I’m my fiance’s BFF). Her dad is still a maybe (I think he would like to come, but is siding with mom). They are both super-rightwing-religious. This really saddens and hurts me because my family is 100% supportive and my mom is paying for the majority of the wedding. We’re not sure who will be giving my fiance away at this point if neither of her parents come. We’ve spoken to them several times, but it’s always “You know I can’t support that…” blah blah blah.
Anyway, any advice on how to deal with them would be helpful. I think we’ll keep including them in everything (requesting invite list, send invitation, ask dad if he wants to give fiance away many times), but I don’t think it will change their minds. :..(
Post # 3
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Welcome to the Bee! i dont really belong in this section but why not right? it saddens me that people are still so judgemental in this day and age (especially within a family) Love is a beautiful thing no matter the gender. i know how right-wing conservative families can be – best of luck to you and your Fiance, try not to let anyone bring you down and enjoy the happiest time of your life!
Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Welcome to the Hive! I’m so happy you’ve joined us! Sorry to hear your FI’s family is being so awful. Closed minded, discriminating people really get on my last nerve!! I think you’re doing the best you can by keeping the door open. If they decide not to come, maybe you and your Fiance can walk down the aisle together? Or meet halfway? I hope your FI’s family comes to their senses and can support you both and be at the wedding. I don’t have much other advice, but maybe someone else will chime in with their experience!
Post # 5
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Thank you so much for the support! I hadn’t thought about walking down the aisle together. That’s a a good idea, and may be what we do. I also suggested to her that we have our brothers walk us down the aisle (we both have one older brother). I’m hoping we can bring her dad around despite her mom.
Post # 6
Member
2872 posts
Sugar bee
welcome!!
I like the idea of you both walking down together.
Post # 7
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@bellagio: I like the older brother idea! At least someone in her family can be supportive.
Welcome to the bee! I don’t really “belong” on this board either but wanted to make sure you feel welcome.
This is a great place for support and all things wedding (and well, everything else!)
I don’t understand why people can’t just be happy for others who have found love regardless of gender.
Best of luck with all your planning and can’t wait to hear about the wedding as plans develop.
Post # 8
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
Hello There!!!
I havent done a formal intro on the lgbt board yet, but my beautiful fiance and I are getting married on Aug 25, 1011. Although we do have a huge amount of support from our families, our mothers may not be in attendence because we just arent that close to them. We are actually walking one another down the aisle hand in hand. Our motto during the planning process is “no matter how much we love you and no matter WHO you are, if we feel like you are going to be smiling in our faces and thinking negative thoughts watching us get married, then you are NOT invited. This is the ONE day that we wont have anyone raining on our parade. If your families cannot be there to support you on the biggest and most important day of your lives, then it will be thier loss. Congrats to you both
Post # 9
Member
14 posts
Newbee
My fiance and I are walking down the aisles with our Dad’s and one of us will have our dog (our wedding party). We are organizing everyone in a circle and she will walk in from one side and I will walk in from the other side. May 28, 2011….we are so excited!
Post # 10
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Thank you, IDBride, that’s great advice! I definitely feel like a few family members on the in-laws’ side smile and think negative thoughts about us (which I hate).
I talked to my FW and she really liked the idea of walking down together, but I always envisioned my dad or brother walking me down. I guess we still have plenty of time to decide. We’re still trying to figure out who to be a third on her side since I have a MoH, Bridesmaid or Best Man and junior Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 11
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
Welcome Bellagio and Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
I’m sorry you are dealing with such close minded people, especially family members. I love the idea of you and your Fiance walking down together or with the older brothers, it’s your & FI’s day, don’t let anything ruin it.
@IDBride- Great advice!
Post # 12
Member
16 posts
Newbee
congrats! yes this board is slow so i hope to get it moving. ive never really cared who supports me and my relationship but i know its a tender subject for some. i love the idea of you guys walking each other down. im going to have my son walk me down the aisle cuz he will be 10 by then. but yeah why not break tradition? send them an invite and if you dont hear from them then dont worry…thats their loss
Post # 13
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
I haven’t really done a formal introduction yet myself to this board.My fiance and I got engaged on Christmas Eve, and are planning for an October 6th 2012 wedding. I hope to see more activity on this board as well.
I wish I had some words of advice for you regarding bigots, but honestly I’ve been so lucky in my life to have so many open and understanding family members I”ve never really encountered a problem.
Post # 14
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Welcome to the Hive, all of you. Can’t wait tot hear the details of your weddings. Are any of you getting married in Iowa, we have been to quite a few there lately?
Post # 15
Member
14 posts
Newbee
- Wedding: September 2010 - Fort Pond Lodge
Welcome! So glad to see this board getting active again… We did have some people who weren’t supportive, but in the end it really didn’t matter much! Our wedding was amazing and the people who did support us went all out. Don’t let them ruin your plans, and dont’ forget that there’s time for them to change their minds. Leave room for them to be involved, and plan a wedding that is for *you* not for anyone else. Good luck!
Post # 16
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
Welome to the Hive! I’m sorry you’re having to deal with your FW’s parents being so terrible. As difficult as it may be, I think you are doing the right thing by keeping the door open to their involvement. If they ultimately decide not to attend, then that’s their choice and they’re only hurting themselves. You’ll still have a beautiful day, with or without their attendance.
I vote for having your FW’s older brother walk her down the aisle. I have a big brother, and I remember how much I worshipped him when we were little. It could be really sweet.
Congrats!!!
