(Closed) Help!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I just give up and let her be a bridesmaid?
    No! It's supposed to be who I want in my own bridal party! : (39 votes)
    98 %
    Yes! Give into my mom and not be happy with my day. : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee

    You have to spend a lot of your wedding day and the days leading up to with your wedding party. For your own sanity on your wedding day, I would only make people I actually enjoy hanging out with bridesmaids esp. if you have a smaller wedding party. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    I always tell people that the problem with letting someone else pay for your wedding is that you lose some control over it.  Since she is purchasing most things for your wedding for you I think that even though it sucks you really have to defer on stuff that she really wants.  Is there anyway you can pay for your own wedding and maybe have exactly what you want?

    Post # 5
    Member
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Why don’t you suggest that this person have another honored role, like a guest book attendant, an usher, or a reader?  That might be a good compromise.

    Post # 6
    Member
    187 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Money comes with strings….not that I agree with this demand

    Post # 7
    Member
    1555 posts
    Bumble bee

    I vote giving them another job. Have her pass out programs. That’s a pretty important job.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3049 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    It doesn’t make sense to me that she gets a say in who are bridesmaids just because she is paying for most of the wedding. She isn’t paying for the dresses… but she probably will be paying for bouquets. Anyway, I would say no mom… having a person in your bridal party is about having close friends there who will STAND by you not just on that day, but everyday. There is no reason (unless it’s a family member) to make such an ado about you not choosing her. Tell the girl to go cry in a corner and get over it. Baha! That’s mean, don’t tell her that. But I don’t think anyone should be entitled to be a part of the wedding–especially if you are complaining about it. Not a good person to be around on your wedding day.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    @kperry3:

    Because she’s buying the wedding mostly.  I mean, if she were buying her daughter a car she’s probably gonna pick the car she’s happy with for her daughter and then maybe let her daughter pick the exterior color or something.  But when someone is giving you something as a gift, you can’t really demand that it be done your way.  If you really want it to be your own wedding complete with all of your own choices then accepting money from other people isn’t the way to really go, imo.

    Post # 10
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    IMO, there should be no way that you would let her be a bridesmaid…I mean, when you look back at your wedding pictures in 10 years, you want to have fond memories people that are most important to you and that you really ove. l also vote that you give her another job to do….read a poem or guest book signer or something?

    My aunt pretty much bullied me into inviting her step kids (that I barely know)…that was a few months ago when I was sending out Save The Dates and now that I am getting ready to send invites, I really wish I would have stood my ground so I would have room to invite people that I actually socialize with on a daily basis.

    Post # 11
    Member
    157 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I made the WRONG decision of including someone that neither myself or my fiance wanted to include. We did it to please his mom and let me tell you – I regret it soooo much. ALL the drama that has come up so far has to do with her. I should have never listened to what others were saying. My advice – do not do it!

    Post # 12
    Member
    157 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    @luckyprincess: I disagree. Her gift is the money for the wedding not money. It shouldn’t be money + strings attached. The choice of bridesmaids has little to do with the money that will be spent.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    @goldelox84:

    I understand that but if she gave her a check for $5,000 and said ‘this is for your wedding’ then I agree.  But if she said ‘I’ll pay for your wedding’ then she is the one hosting it and to some people, that means she gets the final say.  Like I said about the car.  Or college – if your parents are paying for college or most things for college than I think a lot of parents feel that they get the final say of where you go.  If you get accepted into three different schools and really want school A, they may decide that they will only pay if you go to school B since it’s less of a party school or something.  I don’t think anyone would say it’s not really their right.  It’s their money.  Weddings are the same.  In both examples the money is definetly a gift but it’s a gift of money going towards something specific and I think people like to control where that money goes. 

    Do I think people should give money with strings attached? No.  Do I think people often do give money with strings attached? Yes.  That’s why I said pay for your own wedding so that you have who you want and what you want. 

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