Post # 1
I am marrying my fiance this September…..he is Catholic and I am Baptist. We both have come to an agreement on how the wedding will work and have had long time discussions on life after the wedding. We’re both absolutely determined to make our marriage work and will do anything to see it through. All of this to say we’re bound to make someone unahppy with what we’re doing and unfortunately we’ve succeeded. I want to have my 1 and only niece as my flower girl(I have 7 nephews and 1 niece) but now my brother and his wife, no one in the family can stand her, are refusing to come to the wedding because they refuse to expose their kids to a Catholic church and very limited Catholic ceremony(we live in a state that is about 80% catholic). It’s 1 day out of a lifetime for less than 1 hour. They said they would come to the reception just not the ceremony…but now I don’t want them to come to either. How to do I handle this needless drama? It’s so unnecessary if you ask me and something so pittyful to even be dealing with and unfortunately, their drama is taking it’s tole on the rest of the family.
Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
Wow. I’m really sorry. Could you have someone in their circle whose religious beliefs are similar to them and who they admire – grandparent, parent, pastor – speak to them and clarify that no one will be trying to convert their kids to Catholicism at your wedding? Or could you show them what will take place in the Catholic ceremony so they understand? It seems like they have some fear of the unknown.
Post # 4
Is it just a prejudice they have against the Catholic church? It sounds like you’re not even doing a full mass (b/c it’s under an hour). Do they know this? I remember when I took a friend who is evangelical to mass in high school for another friend’s confirmation she whispered ‘God, forgive me’ when we walked into the church, so I guess for some it’s considered a sin to even go inside a Catholic church? Maybe you could get another family member (mother, uncle, etc.) to talk to them about it and hopefully reason with them.
Post # 5
I know it’s hard but I think with our beliefs we’re supposed to always be the “bigger person”
My Grandma’s fiance is catholic and isn’t coming to our wedding AT ALL b/c we are not. He’s been with my Grandmother for years & I was admittingly upset about it BUT…
I’ve realized that it’s his loss and now I’m more sad that he’s missing something than me missing him being there.
Really… I don’t know if we’d attend a Catholic wedding with my son there. We don’t carry the same beliefs and I might feel the same way about exposing it.
What if you provided childcare during the ceremony?… kids can be disruptive during this time anyways & then everyone is happy…
Your sis & her hubby can attend the ceremony & the kiddo’s can join the reception…
Post # 6
That’s really awful. Their refusal to go offends me as a Catholic and I don’t even know them! Religious intolerance isn’t cool and I’m sorry you have to be dealing with this :-/
I just don’t get the rationale behind not wanting to “expose” kids to another religion. Part of growing up strong in faith (ANY faith) is being able to weigh others and judge for oneself. If the kids are strong in their faith, then one ceremony isn’t going to suddenly make them want to convert. If it does, you can bet something else would have done so sooner or later.
How does your FH feel about it? If he feels really disrespected then I would say don’t invite your bro; but if it would cause a major rift to disinvite him, you should just let the invite stand–he is your brother after all.
Post # 7
Thanks KitKatNYC, I do agree and I know I will need to have someone talk to them. even if they do come to the ceremony I feel like my SIL going to be a “wet blanket” and will do anything to make everyone else miserable. I agree that she’s afraid of the unknown and probably doesn’t want to have to explain anything to her kids, should they happen to ask any questions. It just really stinks because I “lost” my brother to her the day they were married 10 years ago and I feel like talking to my brother is just like talking to her. I’ve gotta do something because if my brother, at least, doesn’t come to my wedding, I will have a HARD time ever forgiving him. Not the right christian attitude but it sure is hard to have a good attitude towards that woman. lol Thanks again,
Post # 8
I’m sorry that you have to stress over this! As painful as it may be for them to miss your ceremony, wouldn’t it be better to have them at least be at your reception that not be there at all?
You can’t change your brother’s views, nor can you change his wife’s, so don’t stress yourself out over that issue. (I do agree that their approach is rather closed-minded.) This is YOUR wedding, not THEIR platform to voice their opinions.
Maybe you could do something special during your reception that would include/honor your niece, and allow you to feel like she was still a part of your day 🙂
I hope your brother & his wife “see the light” and change their mind about your ceremony! Either way, I hope your extended family will rally around and support you and your FH 🙂
Post # 9
It seems kind of disrespectful to go to the reception and not the ceremony. The whole purpose of a wedding is the actual ceremony, not the party afterwards!
Post # 10
Thanks so much guys for the advice and help. I honestly think my SIL is doing it to spite me(she’s made it very known that she can’t stand my brothers family. the feeling is mutual but at least we don’t make it known.) She is a VERY closed minded person and if it’s something she doesn’t want to do, she has a way of brain-washing my brother into sharing her opinions. She told my mom 10 years ago when they got married that my brother was no longer going to need his family, and she’s proved that rather well.
The ceremony isn’t a full out catholic mass. God is not going to strike them down because the are stepping foot in a church of a different religion. I’ve already had to deal with this with a very dear friend I asked to be in the wedding(She’s a Jehova’s Wittness and refused to stand up for me because it was a different religion and she didn’t want to be in a religious ceremony). So far the rest of my family is ok with our decision because they know I’m not converting and my FH knows and respects that. My family did not speak to my brother and his wife for a good 6 months before they got married because she took it upon herself to tell all of us what we were doing wrong and that she was better than all of us. It’s been a very tough decision to actually be nice to her and so far it’s worked until the last month or so when I got engaged. The rest of my family is ok with our decision and have been incredibly helpful with us.
Looks like I have some more tough decisions to make soon…..and to think I was going to have my oldest brother give me away because my dad passed away 9 years ago. Should be very interesting.