Post # 1
My fiance told me this morning that he would rather get married in the courthouse. and not have a reception. He says that he feels like we’d be putting on a show 🙁 I told him it’s not a show, it’s a celebration. He doesn’t believe me. He’s not liking the cost of the wedding we (mostly me) have planned that will cost us around $1400. He says he doesn’t feel like ‘a show for every body is worth it’
What do I say to him to try to persuade him that it’s not a waste of money????
Post # 3
Don’t know if I’d try to convince him of anything other than the fact that this is what YOU want. He should be willing to work with you… I mean this is your day too!!
Post # 4
I agree with @KristenGettingMarried – this is about what you both want. I would probe him about which part(s) he considers a “show.” Because in the end, it should be a celebration of your wedding with your loved ones, which is far from a show.
Is your fiance shy? Does he not like a lot of attention placed on him? If so, maybe there are certain aspects of weddings he is uncomfortable with, and you can negotiate those.
For example, I refused to have any “announcing” at my wedding, despite some urging from a friend who is a wedding planner. We had a relatively small and informal affair (about 80 guests, on the beach), and it seemed cheesy to me. These were all of our closest friends and family, they know who we are!! LOL So we skipped that.
We also skipped the cake cutting, the bouquet/garter toss, and the father/daughter and mother/son dances. We did do a first dance, though. We also made a point to hire a DJ who was all about the music, NOT an “MC” who would talk throughout the night.
Post # 5
Acknowledge that he feels like he’s putting on a show. There’s a lot of people around, you’re standing before them, kinda as you would on a stage, presenting something to them, you’re all dressed up in outfits you wouldn’t normally wear with your hair and makeup done and special accessories. There’s lots of flowers and decorations. There’s special music. Things are timed out. You understand. You get it. Now then. It is his turn to acknowledge the things that he can agree *don’t* make it a show: your vows to one another, your photos taken to remember the day years from now on your 50th anniversary, the joy you have in sharing in the happy day with those that have watched you grow up into the wonderful people you are today. It isn’t just a show, it isn’t just a party, and it isn’t just a celebration: it is an *honor*. It is an honor for these people to be present on your day, and an *honor* for you and your Fiance to extend that invitation to them. Tell him how much it means to you to have that joy surrounding you as you start your life together. Reassure him the budget is mindfully frugal and will be, as it has been, watched well. Reassure him that money is being saved for other future needs, too. Good luck!
Post # 6
Thank you all for your responses.
He *is* incredibly shy. So perhaps we will go without speeches, and as notyourtypicalbride suggested, perhaps no announcing. Everyone there will know us.
In fact, in some aspects we are both shy.
We are straightforward people, and we’re casual, so we’re trying to keep it as casual as possible.
This ‘wanting to just go to the courthouse’ came about after my stepmom and my dad were jumping on us about not having a ‘traditional’ wedding, and my stepmom blew things out of proportion ( that my wrap/ sarong dress should have a hoop skirt 0.0) and other such things. He was understandably feeling the pressure.
I think we have it situated now lol.
Thanks again for all the nice replies!~