Post # 1
Hello fellow Bees!
I’m recently engaged, and not planning on having the wedding for probably 3 years. I’m a second generation Asian American, and I have some gist of “western” wedding etiquette, but I’d love for the kind and wonderful helpful bees to guide me towards the etiquette posts or books/blogs, etc that are really helpful!
Just to give you an idea of what usually happens in my cultural community: Many families who choose to throw a wedding according to our culture usually rent out a restaurant, and we just eat and talk. There’s no dance floor, no registry, etc .. Gifts consist of money given to the bride or groom’s parents in red envelopes.
My friends have already requested that I register soon. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to register for. I get the whole, register at Crate and Barrel or Bloomingdales or wherever, and I know that diningware is supposed play some part in it, but I’m generally clueless as to what I’m supposed to “ask” for. Which is also really awkward because in my culture, asking for things is considered to be impolite. You accept whatever comes in the red envelope and that’s pretty much it.
I know that I want to/have to register because we will be having a lot of guests not from my culture at the wedding. But I also feel awkward about what price range is acceptable to ask for. Dining sets are really expensive and so are kitchen appliances. I would love it if a lovely bee could direct me towards some kind of guide that tells me what kind of items a bride is usually supposed to register for and what kind of price range is appropriate.
Post # 3
Well, we have registered at 2 stores, and have put a variety of items in price. People will buy what they feel comfortable in price paying. Some people might go together on a gift so I would suggest putting a few more expensive items. We put our dishes on there, with the matching bowls and platters, but a 4 person set is $50, so one person could buy that, even though we have asked for a set of 12.
My view is a registery helps people know what you want, they can buy off of it, or give you cash or gift cards. It helps with not getting towels in 3 colours when you dont need towels, or things that you do not like or need. Some people, especially in my area that are my parents and grandparents age, do not believe in giving cash, they want to give a gift. So we have asked for presentation, but also have a registry so that peole can do what they want.
Hope that helps!
Post # 4
My suggestion would be to look up a couple good books and read them. There are plenty of authors who have written books on wedding ettiquette and they should be very helpful. Also, you might surf around on the Knot and look through their etiquette stuff. They have a lot of information.
Just a couple tips from your post. I wouldn’t register more than a year out from your wedding. Chances are most of the things will be discontinued by the time your wedding rolls around if you do it now. The Knot has a registry list and most companies have a registry builder that will help you choose what items you need. Really, you register for what you need or want. Most of the time, it’s household stuff like towels, dishes, small appliances, china, etc. If you already have something or just don’t want it, then don’t put it on your registry. Anyone who wants to still give money always has that option, but hose who want to buy a gift will have that option too.
As for price range, it’s up to you. You know your friends and family best. My family is not super well off and I knew that they wouldn’t want to spend a ton, so I kept almost everything on my registry around $50 or less. I did have a couple large items that were a couple hundred dollars. Just make sure there are plenty of items in every price range so people can spend what they feel comfortbale spending.
Here’s the Knot’s registry checklist. It’s very comprehensive, so you more than likely won’t really want to register for everything on it. For example, they have things like patio furniture, decor items, furniture, etc on it. We didn’t register for any of that. It’s more like a list of ideas of things to register for.
Post # 5
I find registeries really awkward as a bride, too, but as a guest they’re helpful! Here’s what I would say: register with what you’re comfortable with. Try to include a wide range of prices, with some nice “middle” options between $20-$70, as well as some nicer things and little things.
I was really uncomfortable with the appliances, etc, until my fiance reminded me that sometimes groups or families go in on a gift together. So if our group of work friends all chip in for that $300 dutch oven, it’s actually not too bad, you know?
Post # 6
Some stores with registries have charts that will tell you based on the number of guests how many items of each price range you should select. Ah ha! Found it! You may also be interested in this Room Checklist, maybe it’ll give you a good idea of what you can register for based on what you already have and may need 🙂
Post # 7
@Shlieka: I am asian american as well. My Fiance is caucasian. But in my culture guest give only money as well. They don’t do gifts or the whole gift registry thing either. But, I have lots of guest who are of american culture so they will do the whole gift registry thing. What I am going to do is register for gifts for my american guest. But, for my very traditional asian guest(mainly my parents friends) I will not be telling them about the registry because they would not understand it, but also because in my culture it is considered rude as well to ask for gifts, even if it is your wedding. Plus, in my culture money is given for everything. Birthdays, baby shower, weddings, funerals, and pretty much any type of celebration or big party that is thrown.
The range of price for gifts on the registry, I would think for me can range from 20’s-100’s. Because some people will pool money together to get you something pricier on your registry. Good luck!!!