Post # 1
First off, there are 8 kids in my family and my brother wanted all of us to be part of his wedding. My other brother is his groomsman, two sisters are groomsmen, another sister is walking my grandparents down, two are flower girls and I am 23 years old and am also flower girl. I have to hold flowers, wear a flower dress. In the beginning, I did not like the decision, but my other sisters were already fighting with him about what they had to wear, so I wanted to be easier. I said it was fine , it’s just one day and stayed quiet. While dress shopping I mentioned I’d prefer to walk my other grandparents down rather than be a flower girl. That conversation ended with me getting both jobs.
I finally tried on the chosen dress and shoes and broke down. The position felt demeaning as a 23 year old woman. I always felt like an odd one out being number 5 of 8 and this feels similar. Putting on the dress also gave me a huge revelation that I’m upset I wasn’t chosen as a groomsman too. I considered my brother my closest sibling, yet now I feel that I’m not.
The worst part of it all is that the wedding is next Saturday July 21. I feel bad about myself, I feel bad about the position, I feel bad about the situation. Do I talk to my brother and his fiancé about everything I am feeling and try to simply walk down with my grandparents in a different dress? Or do I keep my mouth shut and walk down feeling so negative about the situation?
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
So will you be wearing the same dress as the 2 younger flower girls? I think this should have been addressed sooner… its a little less than 2 weeks away now. You may have to suck it up and just do what you’ve agreed to. Being a flower girl wont change how you’re feeling about not being a groomsman and bringing it up now will just stress the bride & groom out and probably stress your relationship with them.
Post # 3
not sure if I have specific advice but I had a ‘similar’ thing happen at Christmas a few years back. I was probably a little older than you but still in my twenties and I was visiting my parents for Christmas in Texas.
We were invited to my parent friends house for what I thought would be an adult dinner. I was relegated to the kids table. I did not feel comfortable and I had no means of escape (no vehicle).
This is a tough one because you DID already commit to it so it’s not that your feelings aren’t justified, it’s that you would be backing out which could be worse.
You could always tell them, ‘you already have a flower girl and I don’t feel comfortable performing that function so I would feel best walking grandma and grandpa down’.
I get where you’re coming from. I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes. I’m sure they didn’t mean anything by it but I feel like flower ‘girls’ are typically ‘girls’ not young women.
Post # 4
Would it be too late to suggest you do a reading during the ceremony instead? And perhaps wear a dress you already have?
are the other flower girls children, or your age? How do you feel about it?
Its last minute and you should have spoken up sooner. Lesson learned, don’t sacrifice your feelings trying to be “the cool girl”. But maybe you could explain, “I didn’t realize how much it was bothering me until I put on the dress, and it really hit me. As an adUlt I do not feel comfortable taking a role traditionally held by young children, I will feel embarrassed in front of guests, and I will not be comfortable being photographed.”
the bride/groom probably won’t take it well, but I think it’s better to say something now than go through with it and feel resentful later. Or break down during the wedding day.
Post # 5
I get why you’re upset. It’s particularly ridiculous that they did this to help you feel included.
I think you’re going to have to do it, though. Maybe you can reach out and say “Brother, I am very uncomfortable wearing that dress and being a flower girl, because I am a woman. I would like it if I could wear a different dress (which I would get your approval on) and walk our grandparents without being the flower girl. However, I know you are busy and stressed. If you want me to be your flower girl because it’s too late for changes, I will not complain about it and I’ll do my best. I shouldn’t have waited this long to say something.”
If he wants you to be a flower girl, then take an extra dress to change into after the ceremony.
Post # 6
What exactly does this dress look like?
Honestly, I’d say own the position and title and make it yours. Turn the Flower Girl into Flower Women and try to embrace it.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA
I was flower girl at my brother’s weddng when I was 16 (much younger than you, I know, but still a really awkward age to be a flower girl). They picked my dress and I absolutely hated it, and I felt so uncomfortable taking on a role meant for small children.
I did it anyway, though. To me it was just a few minutes walking down the aisle awkwardly with flowers, and honestly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. And once it was over, and the reception started, it had pretty much been forgotten already that I was the most awkward older flowergirl ever lol.
These days, we all look back at those photos and have a good laugh (it’s been well over 25 years now) at how funny we all look (me as a way-too-grown flower girl, my brother and his mullet lol, my SIL in her giant dress with insanely poofy sleeves). But, more than that, we remember how happy that day was and what a good time we all had.
If it were me, I’d suck it up and do it, especially since the wedding is so close by. Yeah it’s a bit strange to have (or be!) a 23-year-old flower girl, but it’s honestly not the end of the world and could make for some great memories later on down the road.
Post # 8
I don’t think this is the end of the world, at the end of the day bridesmaids basically just walk down the aisle with flowers too, really what is the difference other than title?
Post # 9
I totally understand how you’re feeling. If they’ve got you in a little girl dress, that’s definitely something I’d want to change. But one option you have is to take that role and OWN IT! I’ve seen lots of alternative “flower people” lately. I’m not sure if it’s your personality, but it could end up being fun 🙂
Post # 10
A 23 year old flower girl? That is pretty ridiculous. Why wouldn’t they just make you another bridesmaid?
Post # 11
Way too late to say or do anything about it now. You commited and the time to make changes is past.
Post # 12
Really depends on the dress….
If it’s the same as any bridesmaid, I’d suck it up and do it
If it matches the actual flower girls dresses and makes you look like you’re in a costume pretending to be a child… I’d say something. Maybe about how when you said yes you didn’t realize they’d ask a 23 year old woman to dress like a 4 year old.
Post # 13
Oh gosh! Is the dress very different to the bridesmaids? This is the sticking point for me. If it’s not too different I doubt people will notice!
Post # 14
I’d try to get a different floral dress that you feel gorgeous in. Get a small flower crown… and freaking… Rock. The. Sh*t. out of throwing those flowers. I honestly have always wanted to be an older flower person. My Brother-In-Law is thinking of getting engaged soon and when my SIL and I talk to his SO we BEG to be flower girls. Let’s be real… little girl flower girls never really pepper the runner with petals the way it should be… if I was a flower girl that runner would be a lush cascade of gorgeousness!
Anyways… ask to get a new dress and ooowwwwn it!
Post # 15
- Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME
I’m shocked everyone is saying you need to suck it up and just do it! I would hate to be in your position as well, and would feel embarrased to be a “flower girl” at that age. If you step down they already have two other flower girls. I would tell your brother that you’re sorry for changing your mind so last minute, but that you will not feel comfortable as a 23 year old flower girl and you will only be walking your grandparents down the aisle. You feel close to him, he should understand your feelings and this will not significantly change his wedding day.