(Closed) Help!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Try to think of it this way: our culture tells us that weddings are “the couple’s day” and that it’s supposed to be all about them, but historically, weddings are also family events, and community events. Your fiance’s dad might see this as an opportunity to heal some of the breaches in the family – and that’s a good thing.

I’m not saying cave in to him completely – you definitely want to talk to him, set some guidelines and boundaries, and work out some compromises. Keep in mind, too, that just because he invites the entire extended family, that doesn’t automatically mean everyone will come. The people who don’t care about you will probably opt out.

Post # 4
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Option 1: The bride has a serious sit-down with him, alone. Convey that while she appreciates his generosity and you’re all open to compromise the ultimate goal is to have the wedding of HER dreams.

Option 2: If he really is so stubborn that he won’t budge, cancel the plans and wait until you two have enough money of your own to have the small, intimate wedding you want. Why be unhappy on your wedding day?

Post # 5
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@secretninjaboy:  It’s tough to call the shots when he’s footing the bill.  At the very least I would recommend she sit down with them and express her concerns.  She needs to convey what’s important to the two of you as a couple when it comes to your wedding day.  I’d also make sure he’s aware how much these people are going to cost – Where I’m from, weddings are on average $100/person… if he’s thinking 200 people, that’s $20K plus service charges, tax, etc.  I hope he realizes the expense…

If he won’t budge and it upsets you both this much, I would cancel it and plan your own wedding on your own dime. 

Post # 6
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

How do you stop him taking over?

By paying. And planning it yourself. And welcoming any contribution, but making it clear it is your day and your way.

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