Post # 1
My invitations went out this week. My mom (who is now in hospice care, and is nearing the end of her life) had a big say on the guest list and invited many relatives that I have never met. My mom’s cousin (who I have never met, but am “friends” with on facebook) just got his invite and posted THIS on my wall this morning:
“Hi young lady you now have a dance band for your wedding, on me. 5 of my best buds will rock the house for you.”
I’m not trying to sound heartless. I don’t even know him, or this “band”, I don’t want live music, that’s why I paid a DJ. This is something I’d normally go to my mom about, but she really isn’t coherent anymore.
How do I politely decline? I don’t want to hurt his feelings..
Do I lie and say that the venue can’t accomodate a band? (but it definitely can…and my uncle is playing live music at the ceremony, which is at the same venue in an attached room)
I’ve thought about saying “I’ve already paid a DJ” but what if he really thinks this band is best and is like, well that’s ok they’ll play anyway! I really don’t know what to expect since I don’t know him. My aunt said he can be sort of “out there”…any suggestions or someone going through something similar- “HELP” that you don’t need??
Post # 3
@MissLunchbox: I would just say that you really appreciate his offer, however, you have already got a contract with the DJ and there isn’t space for a band as well. Maybe you can ask if he (or a friend) would be willing play during the ceremony or cocktail hour instead?
Post # 4
I would thank him for his very kind and thoughtful gesture and say something along the lines of, “Oh, it would have been lovely to have had you play, but we are already set up with a DJ we know here in town, and I’m afraid his feelings would be hurt if we backed out of our plans with him. We are so lucky that so many people want to help us celebrate! We will have to keep you and your buddies in mind the next time we throw a party.” I would try to avoid lying outright, but if you let on that you already have an existing relationship with a DJ (which is true) that might help break the decline more gently?
Post # 5
@MissLunchbox: I think it’s perfectly acceptable to say you have already paid for a (nonrefundable) DJ that you don’t want to go to waste. You could also say that you do not want your wedding guests working at your wedding because you invited them to spend time with them and you would rather him not play so that you can get to know him. Try taking the focus off him playing and turn it towards meeting him and how excited you are for that to happen. 🙂 I’ve had some issues with people making offers (including wedding music) and I thanked them and told them were grateful to be surrounded by such generous friends, but we would rather spend time with them then have them be busy the entire night.
Post # 6
Thanks ladies. This is all great advice, I’ve been holding off with replying because it just shook me and I wanted to make sure I phrased everything properly. It was a VERY sweet gesture, just kind of out of the blue. I don’t think he actually is in the band, I believe it is his friend’s? But I think regardless he shouldn’t be offended.