Post # 1
I need some advice.
One of my good friends (10+ years) asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, I was extreamly excited. Then my sister gets engaged and sets her wedding date for 2 weeks after my friends. Both of these weddings are not until May/June of 2014. To complicate matters more anoter one of my friends, whose wedding I am not in, is also getting married in May 2014.
My friend has already starting booking every weekend in May 2014, with random events because she wants to have “a month of fun” as she called it. When I reminded her of my friends wedding and that I need to talk to my sister first as well I get an email from her saying that it might be better if I was just her personal assistant.
I am offended. I have no intrest in being her personal assistant. And when I had my wedding and was scheduling my events I bent over backwards to make sure everyone could attend because that was important to me.
At this point I am unsure of how to even respond, or if it is even worth my time too respond. I am hurt that our friendship seems to mean so little that as soon as a little inconvenice comes a long she takes the easy road. We are almost 30. I feel like I am too old for this drama.
Post # 3
Personal assistant? Somebody buy this lady a clue. That was very rude and uncalled for on her part. You don’t get a whole month to get married. If she wants to have weekly events, she also has to understand that people might not be able to make it to any or all of them. Factor in that your sister and other friend are getting married that month too, that’s a lot! Politely decline and try not to worry about. Maybe she has crazy bride brain, but that in no way justifies her response.
Post # 4
@shurbert02: What I would do is talk to her again. Explain, calmly, that you don’t want to be relegated to the lesser role of “personal assistant” but ask for her consideration and understanding about your sister’s wedding, too. Tell her you will do your best to participate and help as her bridesmaid but your sister deserves the same consideration.
Give her the benefit of the doubt that her suggestion for you to be “personal assistant” was to help lessen the burden and stress on you; she may feel your sister’s wedding is more important to you.
Talk it out and see if you can work something out that makes everyone happy, especially YOU.
Post # 5
are you being downgraded from BM to personal assistant? i would step down from your “friend.”
Post # 6
@shurbert02: I would respond by saying something along the lines of, “I am so honored that you asked me to be a bridesmaid in your wedding, and I very much was looking forward to standing with you on your big day. However, if you are requiring that your bridesmaids be available for a host of other events throughout May of next year — and you seem to be saying that by having suggested that I be your assistant instead, I think it may be best for me to step down and to plan to attend your wedding as a guest.”
Despite the number of posts I see regarding this issue, and the fact that my own wedding was just four years ago, I continue to be amazed that brides today seem to expect their bridesmaids to fulfill a portfolio of obligations that range from participating in a month of pre-wedding fun (as your friend described it); to funding lavish, out-of-state bachelorette parties; to performing numerous DIY projects. I continue to wonder when being chosen to be in someone’s wedding morphed from being an honor that obviously involved some time and financial commitments into being the extreme, all-consuming burden that it seems to have become.
Post # 7
@shurbert02: wow, i would be a bit offended by this too. i don’t know why brides feel entitled to more than one day. this is completely unrealistic. i am curious how the other bridesmaids feel about committing to a full month of fun. if someone expected that much of my time, i would expect to be paid for it. my time is valuable.
i would maybe let things cool down and then have a talk to the bride one on one or perhaps with the entire bridal party. hopefully the bride will come to her senses.
Post # 8
I’d just say thanks but no thanks, I’ll be a guest but am happy to help you planning as your friend.