(Closed) Help! 4 years and no ring!

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee

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nicole4714 :  I guess it depends if you love him enough to stay n wait it out, even if it’s not marriage, or at least not soon. Broken promises suck. Imho don’t buy a house until you are engaged/married. 

Post # 3
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I’d give it to the end of January and then leave if he still hasn’t proposed. 

Post # 4
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

Only you can decide if you’re done waiting. You don’t need anyone’s validation to leave if that’s what you want. 

Post # 5
Member
2043 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Well twice he has promised and twice he fell short.  He’s shown you that his word means jack shit.  Not promising for a relationship let alone marriage.  Listen to your gut bee it won’t steer you wrong.  You know exactly what this means but if you need it spelled out then okay.  A guy who wants to get married doesn’t have to be pushed, prodded or “nagged” into it.  He just proposes and does it enthusiasticallly.  He doesn’t complain about being “pressured” and he can give you a more precise timeline because, hey he wants this too!  When you pour your hear out to him about wanting marriage he reassures you and you walk away “feeling” reassured.

If this is your experience then great! If its not then you’ve got a decision to make.

At this point I suggest another sit down with SO and discuss a timeline that you both agree on…..with the consequence of you leaving if there’s no proposal by the end of the timeline.  If you’re not willing to do this then you basically need to accept that there will be no marriage with this man.

And if you’re still wobbling then do this….go get on one knee and ask him to marry you….seriously.  Its a great way to find out if marriage is something he’s serious about.  Any answer other than yes is “NO”

Post # 6
Member
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

Unless you get the feeling he never will propose, is it worth to cross every commitments? How old are you guys? If you’re still in early twenties, maybe you guys’ timelines don’t match up but you’re really in love… I don’t think a guy who wouldn’t want to marry decide to buy a house together. I know I never would. 

Post # 7
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee

Have you point blank asked him what the hold up is? Why he hasn’t proposed yet? I think in this case that would be appropriate. Take some time in the next few days when you are at home with him and there is no rush and just calmly ask him. Just say, i know we have talked a few times about getting engaged. At this point i want you to know that I am starting to re- think if this relationship is working for me or not as I do not feel it is fair for me to give an indefinite amount of time to a relationship that isn’t moving on to that next step. What is our timeline here? We have talked general before and then no proposal happens. I would like to agree upon a firm timeline at this point. How does end of this January sound to you? 

I STRONGLY suggest not ending the conversation with anything super general. You deserve an actual timeline at this point. If he refuses to actually commit to a timeline that is reasonable, or he refuses to pick one at all than I think you need to end the conversatin with. Ok, well like I mentioned I am not ok with just generally saying it will happen as we have done that before with no follow through on your part. If we arent enaged by the end of January ( or whatever month YOU feel is your max) than i am  going to have to decide if this relationship is working for me or not. 

If he brings up buying a home in the meantime you can say, we need to take that discussion off the table until an engagement happens. 

Then you leave it in his hands. You get to that time you mentioned and still he does nothing? You start looking for a new apartment and make moves to break up. You have given him all the info he needs to know if he wants to marry you are not. Do not let anything make you believe otherwise. He can step up or step out. 

Post # 8
Member
243 posts
Helper bee

Do not buy a house with him before engagement/marriage if marriage is something you want. He says he wants to marry you but his actions tell a different story

Post # 9
Member
2785 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

At this point, I would be concerned more about the fact that the man you want to marry apparently can’t keep his word to you.  I would sit down with him to have a talk about honesty that stems into timeline for engagement.

Post # 10
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

He can’t keep his word so maybe it’s time for you to keep yours. Don’t buy the house together and start working towards separating your finances and never do that again with a simple boyfriend. 

Post # 11
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

Give it until January- it sounds like the holidays are blacked out. However, don’t buy a house with him. Don’t entangle your finances more.

Post # 12
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I’d wait until January, but start separating finances in the mean time. 

Also, ask him point blank what’s the hold up. If he gives an excuse, you can be more certain in pulling your life away from his and preparing to break up.

Post # 13
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

you told yourself if it got to four years and no ring you would leave, i wouldnt break that promise to yourself because otherwise you could end up hanging around for an eternity and at the end of the day, its years of your life that you arent getting what you want/ achieving your goals xx

Post # 14
Member
3022 posts
Sugar bee

He can’t keep his word, he’s living with you and sharing expenses like you’re married, but he won’t actually make that commitment. Do not, under any circumstances, buy a house with this man before marriage. At this point, I wouldn’t buy a house with him even with engagement, because he’s shown his word doesn’t mean much. Wait until that marriage license is filed, before considering a house together. He’s keeping you around with financial ties and wants more financial ties. But he’s not sure about your relationship being permanent, which is why he won’t marry you. He’s basically holding on in case something better comes along, so he’s not legally tied to you – that’s what his actions say. 

Post # 15
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think this is a repeat poster under a different username:

 

4 years no ring

zmill9262 weeks ago

So my S/O and I have been together for 4 years, living together for 3. We have pets together, share finances, etc. We love and get along with each others families. We’ve discussed getting married many times and he seems totally on board! 

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