Help!

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 3
Member
3446 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

It seems your mom thinks that if you’re ready to be married, then you should be ready to live out on your own (or at least not with her). Considering you’ll be spending a lifetime together, why not wait until you’re no longer obligated to follow her rules?  (which she’s 100% entitled to establish for her home)

Waiting isn’t fun, but I don’t think your goal should be to focus on talking her into letting you stay, but to focus on doing what you need to to move out sooner rather than later. Is there a reason you can’t stay at his parents instead if you’re absolutely unable to support yourselves? 

Post # 4
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If you can’t live as independent adults on your own, financing your own life, why do you think you need to take an adult step such as marriage? 

Wait till you’re capable of being independent. If you’re not working, who’s going to pay for the wedding? You sound very short-sighted. 

Post # 5
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

is your mom paying for your schooling too?

Post # 8
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

What’s the rush? I know you don’t want to hear it, but everything seems to be pointing in the direction of waiting. Maybe a better question than what’s the rush is what are the advantages of doing it on this date you’ve chosen?

Post # 9
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If you came here looking for tips on how to convince your mother to let you and your husband live with her at age 19 while you’re both in school with no income, you probably are in for a surprise. It’s a ridiculous idea. Wait. You sound immature and there’s zero reason to rush into a decision that statistically ends in divorce. 

Post # 10
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Is there a reason why your wedding has to be on 22 Sept 2018?

Post # 11
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee

It’s unlikely you’re going to get support from the bees. Not because we are mean or doubt your commitment to your fiancé, but because it is uncommon in the US to remain in the family home after marriage and even more uncommon to enter into a marriage while unable to support yourselves financially. Many, if not most, of us would only offer advice you don’t want to hear.

Your school will likely require you to have insurance, it should be available through them for a fee. 

Post # 12
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Living at home while broke, going to school and married is not a great idea. 

Getting married means making a new family, your mom should not have to support your new family. 

Why are you guys in a rush to get married? 

Im with mom on this one. Sorry. 

Post # 13
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Getting married means making a new family, your mom should not have to support your new family. 

This.

Why are you in such a rush to have a wedding? Marriage isn’t the wedding, it’s what follows, so if you aren’t ready for what follows (ie doing life together) then you shouldn’t be having the wedding yet.

Post # 14
Member
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Your age is showing by being unwilling to see both sides. If you can’t support yourselves financially without parental support then you aren’t ready for marriage. What is the rush? 

Post # 15
Member
2219 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

bridebrown92218 :  Lookit – 

Marriages that begin before 25 are THREE TIMES MORE LIKELY to end in divorce.

You know why? Because you feel grown up, but you aren’t. You know how I can tell? Let me count the ways…

-You cannot seem to grasp the concept of delayed gratification. Instead of acknowledging the very real advantages of waiting to marry, you insist on ignoring them.

-You demonstrate a breathtaking sense of entitlement. You’ve come here asking for advice about how to sidestep rules to ensure your mother will continue to support you financially and provide you with insurance.

-You misunderstand the very nature of the step you are trying to take. Marriage isn’t about gratifying your love or making a romantic gesture. It is a commitment to a partnership which marks a departure from relying on anyone but your spouse.

-You wildly overestimate your own certainty about the future. You cannot possibly know if your boyfriend is the right person to spend your whole life with because NEITHER OF YOU have turned out to be who you are yet. Because that takes time and experience you do not yet have.

-You refuse to heed the advice of people who are much better equipped to comment on this subject. When the answer didn’t match your expectation, you responded with indignation that anyone might question your decision. You did this despite having SOLICITED these opinions.

I got married at 19. If I’d waited even 6 months longer, I wouldn’t have. I was 150% sure I knew what I wanted, that it was right, and all the people saying otherwise just didn’t understand.

I was wrong, and so are you.

Saying all of this, I realize you’re STILL GOING TO THINK YOU’RE RIGHT and that everyone is stupid and mean. You’re STILL GOING TO MARRY HIM. That being the case…

Getting married is an adult decision. It requires adult sacrifices. In this case, your free housing and insurance. If you aren’t prepared to pay that price, you need to rethink your plans and decide what’s most important.

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