Help

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Don’t marry somebody for their potential or because you are afraid of not finding someone else.

Post # 3
Member
5102 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

You sound very young. How old are you?

Post # 4
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

It really doesn’t sound like you want to marry him. And IMO if you’re not 100% sure and cant wait to spend the rest of your life with this man then you shouldn’t marry him.

Post # 5
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

Are you upset that he no longer attends church or were you just mentioning it in passing?

Does he have a mental health diagnosis that has any bearing on his mood swings?

How do these mood swings manifest? Is he violent (with you, others, animals, or objects) during these moods? 

You mention having a hard time getting him to help you financially but claim the loans are all yours and you already out earn him, why exactly should he be helping you?

You say you love him, but your post doesn’t read that way to me.

I see you talking about embarrassment of coworkers, friends and family if you end the engagement after announcing a wedding and embarrassment that friends see you as a go-to couple. 

You mention how you would have to move home and be single, poor, and miserable, but don’t mention missing him. 

You admit he is the first relationship to commit to you, but you wonder if there is someone better out there. Unless that is just a quick case of cold feet, ongoing thoughts about the grass being greener elsewhere signal to me that you are not committed to him and are looking for something better. 

I get disappointment with your ring, but the comment about the color scheme for the wedding is kind of bratty. It is his wedding too, why should he not have input?

Post # 6
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2020 - Hampton, VA

I thought this was a troll post & posted a funny troll gif. But I reread it and now I think it might be real. 🙁 

Either way, bee, don’t feel like you should settle. Bad days making you question everything usually mean it’s not a good match and possibly toxic. Even your worst days shouldn’t make it all seem pointless.

Post # 7
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

Please please believe that me, there will be someone else.  FOR SURE! I don’t care how old you are 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
9988 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You can’t “throw away 4 years.”  It’s simply not possible.  You will always have those years of growing, learning and maturing.  You’ll always remember them.  

What you should do is cut your losses, now, or you’ll be throwing away a lot more than the past 4 years – you’ll be throwing away your future, too. 

Marriage makes things in a relationship worse, not better.  Marriage doesn’t help an already toxic relationship.

Get out now while you’re still young and not yet married to this person who is so obviously wrong for you in every way.  It’s much easier to cancel a wedding than to get a divorce.

Post # 10
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

All of the reasons you list for not wanting to leave your Fiance are shallow and temporary. They won’t matter in the end. All the reasons you list for wanting to leave him, and the feelings that you obviously have about the relationship (evidenced by the tone of your post) are lifelong things to worry about.

Would you rather leave now and go through some temporary embarrassment and unhappiness or stay and end up leaving years down the road with less time to find the right person or stay in an unhappy marriage? Whatever your answer to this question determines what you should do.

Post # 11
Member
1533 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Its not ‘throwing time’ away. It’s realizing that you’re not compatible, better now than later, and not wasting more time with someone you aren’t compatible with. 

Since you mentioned going to church, I thought this might be helpful:

 

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can; 
and wisdom to know the difference.

Good luck Bee..

Post # 12
Hostess
9738 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

I’ll just say this – cancelling a wedding before it happens is far less embarassing than getting a divorce before your first anniversary.

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