help

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
6949 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Leave. He physically abuses you and you’re worried about hurting his feelings? Fuck his feelings. What happens when he hurts the baby or other child? Or hurts you worse? Just leave. Move back home. Your kids are far better off with four dogs than with an abusive father and a mom who teaches them that it’s okay. 

leave. Leave. Leave now and figure out the rest later with the support of your family. 

and I guess this is kicking you while you’re down, but for heaven’s sake, be smarter about your birth control. Baby #2, as loved as I’m sure it is now (by you) should never have happened in the first place based on your description.  

Post # 3
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

You are in a cycle of domestic violence. Whenever the victim tries to leave, the perpetrator will pretend to act nice/sad/remorseful so the victim stays.

Children learn from abusive relationship from a very young age. 

Leave. Get a divorce. Get into domestic violence victims counseling.

Post # 4
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

Yes, please just leave.  You’re not going to disappoint anyone.  Get emotional support from anyone and everyone you can and leave for the sake of you and your child! 

Post # 7
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Please leave. Call your family. Have them help you take your stuff. Who cares if he understands?  He abused and continues to abuse you in a different fashion. He doesn’t have a job? His problem. Not yours. He gained weight and feels bad? That does not mean he gets to abuse you. 

You have inherent worth and dignity. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. It doesn’t sound like you love him him. It doesn’t sound like he respects you. Please leave and go somewhere safe for you and the children. Absolutely do not make more children with this man. 

Post # 8
Member
4180 posts
Honey bee

He has messed with your mind so badly that you feel it is your fault if you leave his abusive ass (and yes, he is still abusing you, just in a different way). Newsflash: he knows exactly what he is doing.

Please reach out to a domestic abuse group to help you navigate leaving him.

Post # 9
Member
6949 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
@anonwife:  As others have stated, he is still abusing you in a different way. And it’s total bullshit, he’s lying to you that he never behaved like that to any other girlfriend, just you. The difference is they got the hell out of there and he made up a story for you to keep you hanging in there, thinking it must be your fault. He doesn’t know that you’re going to leave as soon as he physically abuses you again, because you’ve already  proven that you’ll tolerate it. Do yourself and your children a favor and get the hell out. Don’t give him a chance to do it again, physically or emotionally.

Apparently, by your own words, you’re staying only for a nanny. You can hire a nanny. You can fire a nanny who doesn’t meet your standards. Fire this one.

Post # 10
Member
2462 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
@anonwife:  You day, “Problem is I want to leave, but not sure he’d understand why.”

Why does that matter? He doesn’t need to understand. It’s right for you and you children for you to leave. Stop worrying about him, when he clearly has never worried or cared for you. 

Post # 11
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2021

Leave leave leave. Like now. He’s dependant on you and his parents supporting him to sleep in half the day. He is your 3rd child, not the father and husband your family needs. You can do this and there are so many support groups out there for women in your position. 

Post # 12
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

View original reply
@anonwife:  You tell him, “I need more in a relationship than you are ever capapble of giving me. Thank you and good bye.” That is the only explanation he needs. Really it is more than he deserves. If it were the other way around, do you think he’d be as nice to you? No. 

Post # 14
Member
6949 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
@anonwife:  You make it acceptable by acknowledging that your husband is a loser. That apparently his only benefit is spending time with your son – for now. Hopefully he isn’t teaching him how to treat women. You acknowledge that he has no job, no prospects, is lazy and doesn’t care. You breathe a massive sigh of relief the second you walk out that door. You never have to justify yourself to anyone, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise when you leave. Remember: the Bee has your back. 

Post # 15
Member
9539 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@anonwife:  

Everything they all said, plus please please lose the idea you have to make leaving ” acceptable”. You have to go, you must not wait for him to tell you it’s ok because it will never happen. I mean, why would he ? 
You don’t need anybody’s – least of all his – permission or validation . 

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