Post # 1
So, long story short is, a friend of mine who I’ve only known for a few years online moved to Michigan after we (my fiance and I) hooked her up with his best friend. She is his girlfriend now and such. So, her and I have never been SUPER close, but we would text and Facebook and such. When she first came out to visit her boyfriend, it was the first time I had actually met her. She was COMPLETELY different in person than online. We got along still but she was not the person I thought she would be. So, she moved out here and of course I was hoping she’d grow up a little bit when she moved out here. But, alas, she has not and we’ve not been as good of friends since she moved here. A few months before my fiance popped the question, we were browsing wedding stuff at the mall for fun one day (Her and I that is). So, of course in her mind I’m looking at wedding stuff with her, so she probably thought already that she was going to be one of my bridesmaids. It was only insinuated, I never officially said “Omg you are definitely going to be one of my bridesmaids!” to her. Then, he popped the question in June on our dating anniversary which also happens to be my birthday. We were out on the town with friends, walking the riverside when he popped the question. So, we went to celebrate at our favourite bar and she started acting very weird. Like she was completely appauled that he had asked me and her boyfriend didn’t ask her. Then she says out loud “Oh yeah, Heather already asked me to be a bridesmaid.” I was way too in awe and ooing with my fiance to hear what she said and now that I am choosing my bridesmaids, I REALLY do not want her to be one. Her and I don’t ever hangout and we are catty with each other, she’s not the person I thought she was and she’s not a great friend but yet she expects to be in my wedding party because her boyfriend is my fiance’s best man. What do I do?!!!! How do I break it to her without her completely flipping out? She’s suppose to be getting engaged very soon too and I’m worried that she’s going to be nothing but a downer in my wedding party because of her supposed wedding that will be happening the same year as mine. This is my wedding and I really just don’t want any drama from anyone, I need help?
Post # 3
I don’t really know the best way to go about it but I would absolutely not cave in and let her be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. There are way too many stories on the bee of brides having girls they don’t care for much as Bridesmaid or Best Man and it never turns out well. But she may not take it well and it could hurt what friendship you have with her. Maybe just tell her you only want to have X number of BM’s but your happy for her to be a guest. I dunno. Any route you go, if she really truely thinks you already asked her it is going to be akward! good luck
Post # 4
You probably should have addressed it right then. “Actually Sally, we haven’t gotten that far in planning yet, but will probably keep the bridal party pretty small.”
Do not go out of your way to tell her she is not a bridesmaid, but if she brings it up again, that’s a good answer.
Post # 5
I don’t know if I would say anything, yet. You didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid and you’re not going to ask her to go buy a dress so eventually she will just get it. I don’t think you need to tell her at this point.
If anything, I would casually mention in a conversation that you haven’t actually picked out your wedding party yet. Then she’ll know she wasn’t asked. Unless she already knows you asked the other girls??
Post # 6
I would think that not involving her in the typical things like dress appointments and decisions would be clue enough. But, that’s me.
Post # 7
I had an issue like this with one of my cousins. I told her I already had my bridal party picked out. She didn’t really get upset since I was honest with her. It sounds like that it may do you some good to make this chick somewhat upset if she is catty and dramatic. She will have to get over it, and you will be in the clear. (: Good luck!
Post # 8
Then if she says something, so with the PPs with the “I already decided on my small bridal party awhile ago”
Post # 9
Just don’t invite her. It’s her problem. You don’t hang out, you’re catty with each other, the end.
Post # 10
“It was only insinuated, I never officially said “Omg you are definitely going to be one of my bridesmaids!” to her.”
This makes it sound like it was you who insinuated. If this is the case, no wonder she thinks she is going to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 11
I would have said something right then and there but that time has passed so I would say, talk to her. Just tell her I am sorry that you feel that you are in the wedding but blah blah blah. I mean, She must know that yu arent really that close if you guys are catty with eachother. Just tell her the truth that you have some closer girlfreinds that you want to be in the wedding and that you can only choose a certain number of girls and that you hope she understands.
Post # 13
It doesn’t matter what she thinks. If you don’t want her in the Bridal Party, don’t have her. You don’t owe her any explanation either. She’ll get the hint when you never ask her to do wedding things with her, or have her order a dress, etc. I think you’re worrying for no reason. Considering you’re not even close friends anymore anyways, it doesn’t really matter if her not being a Bridesmaid or Best Man “ruins” the friendship.
Post # 14
Thank you ALL for the great advice!!!! 🙂 I appreciate it greatly!