Post # 1
So, my fiancé and I have been together for 7 years (engaged for 3) and we decided to marry in May 2020!!! We booked our venue and are getting things rolling. The issue? When he first asked me to marry him he strongly encouraged me to ask his sister to be one of my bridesmaids. I didn’t want to because we have had up and downs. Don’t get me wrong I love her BUT she can be an “about me” type of person and is very emotional. Anyways I did…3 years ago.
Fast forward to now…his niece (who is 25- sis had her young) asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding that’s in April of 2020- we are actually very close…
Well now my SO wants me to ask his niece to be in the wedding (I’d love that)…However, what do I do here? I am her Maid/Matron of Honor so I also feel a little obligated. But I don’t want 7 bridesmaids- two of them being directly related to the groom.
Right now I have my Maid/Matron of Honor + 4 friends + his sister
Any advice ladies? Any other role you can suggest I can offer for my Sis-In-Law. We love her and want her involved but due to my fiance’s meddling I feel pressured and stuck. I know first world problems but I can’t really ask anyone else.
Post # 2
Is there a reason if he wants them in the wedding party that they can’t be on his side as groomswomen?
It’s a wedding party; not Noah’s Ark. It’s okay to have uneven numbers and it’s okay to have groomswomen and bridesmen.
Post # 3
britiam : This is why you shouldn’t pick your bridal party SO far in advance… I think it would be pretty messed up to take SIL out of the wedding party after already asking her to be a bridesmaid, even if it was 3 years ago.
I would either just add the cousin (assuming that you actually want her in the bridal party) and have 7 bridesmaids, or not add the cousin.
Also your fiance shouldn’t be making these requests, there is no rule that you have to include your partners siblings in the wedding party, he shouldn’t have put that pressure on you in the first place. That was a dick move.
Post # 4
Your fiance shouldn’t have pressured you to do this, but you did ask her, so I think it would be rude to punt her for another family member. I would either leave the party as it is or go to 7, including both the sister and the niece.
Post # 5
Why can’t SIL be a groomswoman?? Yes it is very common. My SIL stood by her brother.
Post # 6
I agree that it would be rude to “kick her out” and I don’t want too. Mostly because I know it will hurt her feelings. He has plently of groomsman and a sometimes strained relationship with his sister anyways. He pressured me because he thought it would be nice/right thing to do. He doesn’t “Get”
it. I am fine with either his sister or niece but I don’t want both. I didn’t even want 6 and 7 is WAY to many.
The reason why he is being so adamant about his neice is because she asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor but I told him that’s not how things work.
My sister was originally supposed to be in the wedding also but she is childish and disappears for months at a time so if she appears back (before the wedding) that would put me to 8!
Post # 7
futuremrs2020 : We asked everyone originally 3 years ago because we were going to get married in 2017 but my daughter had some health issues that cost a lot so we postponed.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
britiam : Can you give someone a reading to do during the ceremony? Or perhaps ask one of them to give a toast or speech at the reception?
I’d also like to echo that if it is so important for your fiance to have his sister and niece involved they can absolutely stand up on his side as groomswoman.
As for your update with your sister that appears and disappears – I wouldnt ask her to be a bridesmaid even if she magically appeared a few months before the wedding. That may sound harsh, but I wouldnt want to ask someone who does that as she may once again just disappear in the week(s) before your wedding. It would be a crappy thing to do, but I wouldn’t want to be stuck in that situation in the weeks leading up to the big day.
Also; do not let your fiance pressure you into involving anyone. If he feels its “the right thing to do” to involve them – then he can involve them in his side. Not pressure you into soemthing you are uncomfortable with.
Post # 9
Honestly I ended up with 9 bridesmaids because of family. I didn’t really want that many but it wasn’t worth hurting feelings, breaking tradition of including siblings, and missing the opportunity to build stronger bonds with my SILs over something as silly as a number. So I recommend just including her as a bridesmaid. You’ll probably feel better that you did
Post # 10
Tatum : I agree. My brother’s future wife kindly asked me to be a bridesmaid and though I didn’t expect her to, I thought it was really sweet and would certainly be hurt if she decided to kick me out after asking. I would either include her and have more bridesmaids than you want, have your fiance ask her to be a groomswoman, or just leave your wedding party as is.
Post # 11
Your SO doesn’t know how to wedding. I would tell him to back off and leave things as they are. And if he comes up with any other ideas, I would either just say no or propose a solution based on what he’s actually hoping to achieve.