Post # 1
I need advice! So I work in a building with a LOT of people that I see on a regular basis – about 30 people. A lot of them assume they are going to be invited to the wedding. The thing is, I wouldn’t mind including all of them, but that’s another 60 people, when you count their dates/spouses. Our current guest list is around 150 people, so another 60 is a big deal!
Is it totally rude, or against wedding etiquette if I were to invite only my co-workers, and ask that they don’t bring a date/spouse? That way I could include them all. I’m not sure if I should just not invite anyone…or what to do! Many of them are older, so I don’t know if they would be offended if I asked them to not bring a date.
I get really stressed about this because I’m so worried about offending someone or hurting their feelings. Please give your honest opinions!
Has anyone had this same problem? What are you doing about inviting co-workers to your wedding?
Post # 3
I have the EXACT same problem!!!
What I think I am going to do is just invite the people I am close to. The ones I see outside of work, go to dinner, hang out that kinda thing. I think most of my co-workers (also older) realize that while they may really want to go, it’s a lot of extra people to invite and so they know I can’t invite them all. I’m inviting my bosses of course, though.
And to invite them and say they are not allowed to bring a guest…well that rubs me the wrong way. Like, I know they all know eachother and would probably have a fun time, but I just think that’s weird and a bit tacky. Again, that’s ust my opinion!
Post # 4
I would personally just invite the people from work you are close to. I have been one of the coworkers who hasn’t received an invite before when others have, and I didn’t care at all because I wan’t as close to that person as others were. I think it’s kind of awkward to allow all other guests of your wedding to bring a date and then tell the people you work with they can’t; it would also rub me the wrong way, as JM1217. My advice? Pick and choose who you are closest to.
Post # 5
I think it’s rude not to invite someone’s spouse or SO if they are in a serious relationship (engaged, living together, etc.).
I agree that you should just limit it to the people you’re actually close to, and allow them to bring their SO if they have one.
Post # 6
Thank you, thank you, thank you! That’s exactly what I need – honest opinions!
It’s so awkward trying to decide who to invite/not invite. There are about 10 people that I really like, but I work closely with so many people that it almost feels like an all or nothing type of deal. I wish I worked in a small office so I didn’t have to deal with this anxiety 🙁
Post # 7
Yes, it is rude! I was recently invited to a coworkers wedding and my husband wasn’t invited. The wedding is about 1.5 hours from here and while I do know the other coworkers that are going, I’m not friends with them. I couldn’t believe my husband wasn’t invited esp. considering I really don’t know the other ladies very well. I immediately checked no without even feeling bad.
Sorry to be so blunt!
Post # 8
Invite those you are closest to and ask them to be discrete around the office and not talk about it.
Post # 9
I’m getting married a few hours from where I work, so I am not inviting coworkers. The plus side of this is alot less drama and having to discuss plans with people at work. I think it would be strange if you invited coworkers w/o spouses or SOs. If you have dancing/music, they will have no partner there to dance with!
Post # 10
We had the same problem trying to decide which coworkers to invite. We’re both teachers and we’re on a very close-knit staff. We had to cut our list of coworkers way down. I think it’s rude to ask anyone not to bring their spouse or even fiance. I went to a wedding without my fiance and it kinda sucked knowing that my wedding was coming up and I witnessed someone else’s vows without sitting there with him (in this case, I started dating my fiance right around the time my friend got engaged and she got married about six months later and that was right after I got engaged so I don’t think it was rude, it was just that my fiance and I moved quickly!)
Anyway, I’d invite who you are truly closest to, including spouses/fiances/long-term partners. I know in our case, we’re pretty sure (based on past experience with coworkers getting married/having babies) that they’ll be throwing us a shower so we get to celebrate with everyone who we couldn’t invite to the wedding.
Post # 11
As PPs said, I wouldn’t invite anyone and not invite their spouse/fiance as well. Do you actually talk to or hang out with any of the coworkers outside of work? I’ve heard that a good way to narrow it down is to only invite those you’d normally see outside the office, since you’re obviously closer to them. That’s what Fiance and I plan to do.
There will always be people who assume they’ll be invited even if you don’t plan to, so if you don’t want to invite some people, don’t.
Post # 12
@Joyfully: I also found it challenging to narrow down my guests from the office. Ultimately, I decided to invite my boss and HIS boss (for whom I previously had worked directly), both bosses’ executive assistants, and everyone in my relatively small department, as well as a couple of others outside of my department with whom I was close. I even had one executive outside of my department — but who was one of the individuals who helped to hire me — tell me that he wanted to come to my wedding, and, so, I definitely invited him!
Regarding the extending of invitations to significant others, I applied the etiquette rule one of the other bees above mentioned: Anyone who was married or engaged or a couple who resided together received an invitation naming both the coworker and the other person. Anyone who was just in a dating relationship — even a serious one — did not receive an invitation for his or her significant other. This is the same rule I applied to friends and family who were attending the wedding. (Note: I did make one exception to this for a friend with whom I had worked at a prior agency. She had been dating the same gentleman for more than 20 years, and, given the longevity of that relationship, I thought that she should be able to bring him. She did not work at my then-current company, however, so there was no chance that anyone from my office could have been offended by this “inequity.”)