(Closed) Help! Advice on Inviting Co-Workers

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do you think it's rude to ask co-workers not to bring a date?

    No, they will understand!

    Yes, it's rude!

  • Post # 3
    1658 posts
    Bumble bee

    I have the EXACT same problem!!!

    What I think I am going to do is just invite the people I am close to. The ones I see outside of work, go to dinner, hang out that kinda thing. I think most of my co-workers (also older) realize that while they may really want to go, it’s a lot of extra people to invite and so they know I can’t invite them all. I’m inviting my bosses of course, though.

    And to invite them and say they are not allowed to bring a guest…well that rubs me the wrong way. Like, I know they all know eachother and would probably have a fun time, but I just think that’s weird and a bit tacky. Again, that’s ust my opinion!

    Good luck!

    Post # 4
    3253 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would personally just invite the people from work you are close to. I have been one of the coworkers who hasn’t received an invite before when others have, and I didn’t care at all because I wan’t as close to that person as others were. I think it’s kind of awkward to allow all other guests of your wedding to bring a date and then tell the people you work with they can’t; it would also rub me the wrong way, as JM1217. My advice? Pick and choose who you are closest to. 

    Post # 5
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think it’s rude not to invite someone’s spouse or SO if they are in a serious relationship (engaged, living together, etc.).

    I agree that you should just limit it to the people you’re actually close to, and allow them to bring their SO if they have one.

    Post # 7
    7691 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Yes, it is rude! I was recently invited to a coworkers wedding and my husband wasn’t invited. The wedding is about 1.5 hours from here and while I do know the other coworkers that are going, I’m not friends with them. I couldn’t believe my husband wasn’t invited esp. considering I really don’t know the other ladies very well. I immediately checked no without even feeling bad.

    Sorry to be so blunt!

    Post # 8
    3460 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Invite those you are closest to and ask them to be discrete around the office and not talk about it. 

    Post # 9
    4044 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m getting married a few hours from where I work, so I am not inviting coworkers. The plus side of this is alot less drama and having to discuss plans with people at work. I think it would be strange if you invited coworkers w/o spouses or SOs. If you have dancing/music, they will have no partner there to dance with!

    Post # 10
    59 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We had the same problem trying to decide which coworkers to invite. We’re both teachers and we’re on a very close-knit staff. We had to cut our list of coworkers way down. I think it’s rude to ask anyone not to bring their spouse or even fiance. I went to a wedding without my fiance and it kinda sucked knowing that my wedding was coming up and I witnessed someone else’s vows without sitting there with him (in this case, I started dating my fiance right around the time my friend got engaged and she got married about six months later and that was right after I got engaged so I don’t think it was rude, it was just that my fiance and I moved quickly!)

    Anyway, I’d invite who you are truly closest to, including spouses/fiances/long-term partners. I know in our case, we’re pretty sure (based on past experience with coworkers getting married/having babies) that they’ll be throwing us a shower so we get to celebrate with everyone who we couldn’t invite to the wedding.

    Post # 11
    2583 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    As PPs said, I wouldn’t invite anyone and not invite their spouse/fiance as well. Do you actually talk to or hang out with any of the coworkers outside of work? I’ve heard that a good way to narrow it down is to only invite those you’d normally see outside the office, since you’re obviously closer to them. That’s what Fiance and I plan to do.

    There will always be people who assume they’ll be invited even if you don’t plan to, so if you don’t want to invite some people, don’t.

    Post # 12
    11512 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @Joyfully:  I also found it challenging to narrow down my guests from the office.  Ultimately, I decided to invite my boss and HIS boss (for whom I previously had worked directly), both bosses’ executive assistants, and everyone in my relatively small department, as well as a couple of others outside of my department with whom I was close. I even had one executive outside of my department — but who was one of the individuals who helped to hire me — tell me that he wanted to come to my wedding, and, so, I definitely invited him! Laughing 

    Regarding the extending of invitations to significant others, I applied the etiquette rule one of the other bees above mentioned:  Anyone who was married or engaged or a couple who resided together received an invitation naming both the coworker and the other person. Anyone who was just in a dating relationship — even a serious one — did not receive an invitation for his or her significant other.  This is the same rule I applied to friends and family who were attending the wedding. (Note:  I did make one exception to this for a friend with whom I had worked at a prior agency.  She had been dating the same gentleman for more than 20 years, and, given the longevity of that relationship, I thought that she should be able to bring him.  She did not work at my then-current company, however, so there was no chance that anyone from my office could have been offended by this “inequity.”)

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