Post # 1
Hey, ladies with babies! Did you have help at home immediately after getting released from the hospital (besides your husband)? We’ll be having our first baby in January and my Mother-In-Law kindly offered to stay with us (even spending the nights–she only lives about 15 minutes away). We have a reasonably good relationship but I don’t know if I’d feel 100% comfortable being pretty vulnerable in front of her. My mother is deceased so that’s not an option. I told her I’d rather play it by ear but she may be insistent.
Did you have help? Who, how much, for how long? Thanks!
Post # 3
No help, didn’t want it. Our doula spent the first night with us, but after that we really wanted private family time. As a 1st time mom I was very self-conscious and wanted to get to know our baby without worrying about how we looked or sounded and without worrying about how anyone else felt! It was a special and magical time!
Post # 4
My husband and I were just talking about this. We were not planning to have any help, but my midwife strongly suggested we have some sort of plan for help, whether it be family or a post-partum doula. This is our first baby so we’re not sure what to expect, but I think we’re going to at least look into the post-partum doula she recommended.
Post # 5
Good question, I’m wondering this too. It’s going to be the first grandbaby on both sides so….there’s no way they aren’t going to come up for the birth. We’re about 3-4 hours away from both sets of parents so it’s easy for them to come up but also they aren’t going to make it a day trip. Kinda hoping they will get a hotel for a few days as we figure things out.
Post # 6
I had no help other than my husband..and he went back to work. I didn’t want my mom or his mom watching me fumble around trying to dress him or change him. We did fine and I’m glad we did it that way. It was a bonding time for the three of us.
Post # 7
I’m planning on having my mom around- we’re really close, and she’s incredibly good about being nonjudgemental and helpful-yet-nonintrusive when she stays with us. She’s already said that she thinks it makes more sense for her to be there for the birth to help make sure the house is ready, the dog is taken care of, there’s food in the fridge, etc., but then she said she wants to leave us alone for the week or two when my husband will be home so we can bond (and because she’s said you don’t really need 3 people around)- then she’ll come back when my husband goes back to work. I know I’m lucky that I find having my mom around to be calming, and that she’s cool with hanging around just doing laundry and walking the dog and making sure we eat, if that’s the best way to help out.
Post # 8
What is a doula?
I’d imagine his brother would be around to help as much as possible the days following labor and so would our very close friends. I’m sure my mom would be up to help us within the week.
There are Chinese precautions to adhere to!
Post # 9
I didn’t have help after either one of my children’s births.
I think it is a special time to be together as a family.
Plus, it is a very tiring time for new moms and the last thing you need to be doing is entertaining guests or answering a million questions” where do you keep the laundry detergent?” My personal rule of thumb for the first month was “If the baby is sleeping, I’m sleeeping.”
The best thing you can do is to prepare ahead of time. Have meals cooked ahead and frozen. Do a big grocery shop of non- perishables. Stock up on diapers, wipes, etc so here is no need for shopping expeditions.
If people ask if there is anything they can do to help,often said when they are phoning to tell you they are coming over for a visit, tell them the truth-“Oh, I’m so glad you asked. Could you pick us up a quart of milk and some coffee creamer?”
Post # 10
It was just my husband, the baby, and me for the first two weeks… and it was pure bliss! I call it our “honeymoon period.” 🙂 We were just getting to know each other and kinda bonding, so we didn’t want anyone else around. Once my husband went back to work, though, it was nice that my mom was here. She did all the cooking, cleaning, etc… so I could concentrate on the baby, which was really nice.
Post # 11
Not really – we had a post partum doula come for a few three hour visits over a month (about one a week). But it was almost entirely just myself and my husband – and we were fine! I would suggest you insist that you would like to play it by ear – her help will be amazing when you need it but you might not want her around all the time. It depends on your personality. I would have found it invasive. Be firm, you will only have this very special time with your baby once, so protect what feels best for you!!
Post # 12
At this point we don’t know how long Darling Husband will have off from work. Most likely he’ll have a week off. My parents, or at least my step mom if my dad can’t get off work, are planning to drive out once I got into labor. They live about 2.5 hours away and are planning to stay for a few days with us. My in-laws live about 30 minutes away, along with my Brother-In-Law and his wife. They are planning to pop by for day visits and to help out.
I’m a new mom, so I’m not worried about fumbling around or not knowing what to do – I’m not supposed to. I’ll figure it out as I go with help from my family who have been through it before. I feel really comfortable with my step mom and I know she won’t overstep, but will be there when we need her. I’d be less comfortable with my Mother-In-Law staying with us, but I’m going to be very happy for her visits since I know she’ll help with household chores, cooking, and letting me get a nap or two.
Post # 13
I think it really depends on how comfortable you are with her and whether or not you think she will actually be of any help. When some members of my family come over I find it helpful to have them there because they bring food or watch the baby while I nap but when my mom comes over I always feel like its more work on me. She worries too much and is always looking for something to be wrong with him.
I will say that the nicest things that people did for me after the baby was born was bringing food and my sister paid for a housekeeper to come out two weeks after he was born. Cooking and cleaning were something that I just didn’t have energy for while in the early sleep deprived days.
Post # 14
We are expecting our first and my grandma keeps saying how she’ll be over every day to help with whatever I want, but honestly, I’m such a private hermit that I just want the alone time with my husband and our new baby. Maybe I’ll change my mind when the baby is here, but for now I doubt it because I don’t want someone to tell me the “right” and “wrong” way to do things, I want to learn with my baby to see what works best for both of us.
Post # 15
We opted for the Baby-moon, but my mom was there the day after delivery while I was still in the hospital.
The first couple of weeks ALL you do is feed the baby, hold them while they sleep(or take a nap yourself while they are sleeping), and change diapers/clothes. The baby is never awake or smiling or anything, so it’s not much of a “Baby Rush” for grandma. And YOU will be exhausted and healing and uncomfortable. I’d say wait a couple weeks for when the baby gets more active. THAT’S when you’ll need the help. I was glad not to have anyone around while I prepared my Sitz bath, or changed my pads, or changed the baby, or napped round the clock on the baby’s schedule. I felt gross and sweaty all the time, smelled like milk, and looked like crap. The only help I would have liked at that point was a cleaning crew and a personal chef. But family? Uh uh. My personality didn’t jive with that. I wanted to be ALONE. LOL!
Post # 16
@Mrs. DG: a doula? I would be interested in hearing more about that route. I have heard of them but never knew anyone with experience…
I am going to be lucky enough to have my sister and most of my family in for the first few days. My mom is going to take the first few days off of work to be with meand the baby all day and night.