(Closed) Help! Already making plus size future sister-in-law cry!

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Okay, first…..NEVER offer to order two dresses and have them sewn together!!  Big mistake and what you see as a nice gesture will not be seen that way by her.  It will seem as an insult.  Is she just a Bridesmaid or Best Man or MOH?  DBridal dress would be the best solution for you in this.  Your bridemaids DO NOT have to match as long as the color is the same if you are worried about color. Being a woman, you know weight is a sensitive issue.  This is YOUR day, but…..sometimes it has to change a little.  DB no longer sales my Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and had a few left in smaller sizes, my Maid/Matron of Honor will be wearing a different dress in the same color scheme.  Talk to her about it and see if the two of you can come to an agreement. 

I hope this helps a bit…sorry that you are having trouble like this….being a plus sized bride has OPENED my eyes to the limits people have and how hard it is to make everyone else happy while planning your dream day.


Post # 4
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Sigh. Well first of all, I think you have to consider how awkward this must be for her. How many bridesmaids have already bought their dresses? I don’t think you can ask anyone to buy another dress now because then they might be resentful towards your Future Sister-In-Law, which would just add to the stress of the situation. I would see if you can get one of the other bridesmaids who has not yet bought their dress to buy the same davids bridal dress as your Future Sister-In-Law. Then she won’t be alone in her dress choice. And just say you love the J. Crew dresses but you decided to add in this Davids Bridal dress in chocolate (or whatever color) for some contrast, and you need another girl to wear it also. Just try to be sensitive to her situation– this must be awful for her!

Post # 5
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Eek.  It sounds like an awkward situation for you both.  I like the ideas of the earlier posts — mixing and matching is totally okay and perhaps one of your other BMs would be willing to wear a dress from someone other than J.Crew to help your Future Sister-In-Law feel more comfortable.  Someone said earlier the wedding is YOUR day — and it is — but you will have to carry on a relationship with you Future Sister-In-Law after the wedding, and if I were in her shoes, I would feel pretty uncomfortable.

Post # 6
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

this is a terrible situation for both of you!!  I think you should have her  look at the DB dress and ask one of your other Bridesmaid or Best Man wear the same dress … and pay for that’s BM’s dress.  This gesture will go a long way in the future!! 

Post # 7
33 posts
  • Wedding: September 2009

she may like the idea of getting a different one, but you should talk to her about it because she may not want to stand out. I would either get a dress in a similar color (because in the end only YOU and HER would know that it’s different!) or get the swatch and have the dress made through a seamstress-you will be surprised if you get a good seamstress no one will be able to tell that the dress wasn’t store bought! I don’t know anyone in your area but ask around and check out shops!!! I’ve had dresses for formal events done this way and all i did was take the pic to the seamstress. Take one of the dresses the other girls have bought and see if someone can copy it!

Post # 8
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with Chitownb2b-I would have one made.

Post # 9
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

It’s an awkward situation, sure, but as a large plus size myself, I realize that I won’t fit into any “popular” clothing lines and try to quietly go about finding my own dress.

The thing is, if she’s plus sized, she already knows she’s not exactly the same. I would call & succinctly apologize for the oversight, show her the David’s bridal dress, and have her wear that. Then, move on. It’s possible it won’t even be noticed after a while. If it’s long & drawn out, that will definitely make her feel worse.

Post # 10
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

you dont need to match dont stress

so long as its the same color everything will be ok, its not your fault

Post # 11
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think Texaslawgirl had a really nice suggestion. It will save your Future Sister-In-Law from standing out and nobody else needs to know why there are 2 types of dresses. It could end up looking really great!

Post # 12
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Unless she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor and clearly she’s not, you should have at leas one other dress be the same.  She WILL stand out if she’s the only non JCrew wearing maid…great suggestion from above!

Post # 13
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My personal opinion is that you should surprise her with a dress that is actually 2 dresses sewn together – just have a tailor do it and make it bigger than her size so that she can go have it fitted perfectly.

I’ve heard of people doing this …it’s really no big deal.

Post # 14
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I let my plus size bridesmaid pick the dress for all the bridesmaids. It ended up working out perfectly and everyone was happy/looked great 🙂

Let her pick what she wants, and all should be ok.

Post # 15
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Do you have a decent, trusted tailor? I say order the largest size and get another for extra fabric. Or, if the David’s Bridal is a good color match, order that.

I’m sure this isn’t a popular view on the subject — but I kinda don’t think its FAIR that the other maids or one other would have to change accordingly just to make HER feel better. Chances are, if she is large, she is USED to standing out (and quite honestly, as a guest, I’m not even looking at the size of the maids… all my attention is to the couple)

Post # 16
181 posts
Blushing bee

I say go with the DB dress or have a dress custom made to match the other dresses.

I had a similar situation when I was bulk ordering my BM’s dresses for a discount. I got all the way to checkout and was told that it would be an extra $20 each for every girl over a size 18 (which is 3 of my girls). I had never given thought to something like this happening ahead of time and just decided to pay the $60 instead of passing along the cost to the girls (I had already given them the quotes before running into the extra cost).

Hope it all works out!

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