- 9 years ago
I have a gift issue that my fiance and I keep talking about and I want to get some other opinions.
I have several bridesmaids and have been very consciencious not to ask them to buy overly expensive dresses, shoes, etc. for my wedding. Their dresses were $100 on sale, I bought all of their accessories, paid for their hair appointments (so far I’ve spent ~$175 per girl) and they can wear shoes they already own or buy new ones, their choice.
One of my BMs is my future SIL, who asked me to buy a $250 dress, $150 shoes and booked a $150 salon appointment – all of which I am happy to do/buy, if it makes her happy. As an aside, future SIL comes from a very wealthy family and is throwing what appears to be a no-expense-spared wedding a few weeks after ours.
My Maid/Matron of Honor and mother threw me a shower last spring. They are the only ones who contributed financially.
At my shower the bridesmaids split the cost of a gift for a total of $20-$25 per girl. (As an aside I should probably note that we’re all employed, in our late 20’s and early 30’s, and financially stable.) The gift was a random item from our registry with zero significance – it was quite clearly chosen because its price would be $20-25 each. Each of them also gave me a nice card, except for Bridesmaid or Best Man SIL, who was not present and did not send a card.
Bridesmaid or Best Man SIL’s shower was a week later and I spent $100 on a shower gift for her. I put a lot of thought into the gift and bought accessories off registry to personalize the gift.
Fast forward several weeks. Fiance and I are discussing my shower and I mention that I was a little hurt that I put so much thought into Bridesmaid or Best Man SIL’s gift and she put zero thought into mine. Then I mentioned the cost of the gifts. Fiance got really upset that I spent so much on a gift for her when I got a $20 gift from her first. I hadn’t even thought of the cost, difference I just had fun putting the gift together and didn’t really realize how much I was spending until I was at the register.
Now several months later I’m still hurt, somewhat by the price difference, somewhat by the lack of card, and mostly because the gift had absolutely no thought put into it. I’ve put so much effort, thought and money into making sure I’m not putting a financial burden on my bridesmaids that it’s still disappointing that there was no thought put into this gift.
Am I irrational for being disappointed? I feel really horrible about it.
Fiance has now requested that we give a very small/inexpensive gift to my brother and SIL for their wedding, which is two weeks after ours. He says that my $100 shower gift was as much as a wedding gift should be and that I should spend no more than $25 on a wedding gift. Do you think doing so would be spiteful?
Again, am I being irrational? I feel so horrible that any of this bothers me, especially since all of this happened several months ago and I’m still thinking about it. I want to just let it go, but my feelings are really hurt. I feel horrible that this even bothers me. I can’t really talk to anyone about this and I’d really like some other perspective.