(Closed) HELP Angry mother Inlaw

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’ve been told that unless Future Mother-In-Law is paying for something, her and ex-husband’s name don’t belong on the invite.

Post # 4
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I would ask your mom what she thinks. Since she is the one paying for much of the wedding, the invitations are coming from her.

In my situation, my parents are paying for the whole wedding, but my dad wanted to include my Future In-Laws on the invitation, and so they are.

Post # 5
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, my Future Mother-In-Law asked the same thing the other day.  She wasnt upset she was just inquiring about it.  And it never even crossed my mind.  ALL of the sample invites I got (about 20), DID NOT include the Future In-Laws names.  We however, have already decided because both of our parents are divorced and remarried that for the sake of space.. were writting “together with their parents” … Is it too late?  Is she contributing??

Post # 7
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

The people who get listed are the honorees and the hosts (ie, who’s paying). So if she’s not paying, then she doesn’t get listed. Simple.

But for family harmony’s sake, you can put her and her husband’s names beneath son: “son of Mr. & Mrs. John Doe”

 

Post # 8
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

We put  “daughter of…” and “son of…” under both of our names.

If you like that, run it by your parents (since they are footing the bill).

You could also just keep your wording and add “son of..” after FI’s name.

 

Post # 9
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

If your mother is paying for the wedding and you and your Fiance are not, I would not put ‘together with their parents’ because those first lines are reserved for the people hosting the event.  And that would be your mother/parents.

It would be more appropriate to put

Mr. and Mrs. so and so

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

your first and middle name

to

your fi’s first and middle name

son of mr.Future Father-In-Law and ms.Future Mother-In-Law (divorced names)

Date

Time

Location

Post # 10
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I say that because my parents would be ticked off if I didn’t have them as the hosts of our wedding; they are the ones paying for pretty much everything (except the rehearsal dinner, which my FI’s parents will have their names on those invites).  And for reference, we aren’t putting his parents’ names on our invites, they will be like the one you showed your Future Mother-In-Law.

Post # 11
Member
14419 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

They way I always thought it worked was whoever is paying for it is doing the inviting.  If Future Mother-In-Law is not helping out at all, i’d add the “to Fiance, son of so-and-so” exactly as @mcnetn3 put

Post # 12
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@mcnetn3: Agree with mcnetn3 – this is how it can be done if your parents are paying but you’d still like to include FIL’s names on the invite. That’s too bad it got dramatic – you did nothing wrong.

Post # 13
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

sounds like you need to butter up your Future Mother-In-Law. If you mom is okay with it you can just put their names on there to keep peace and everyone happy.  Since she said something it might cause some drama, at least in FMIL’s head, if you dont put her name on there.  I have a friend that put both sets of parents on the invite and the brides parents got mad bc they were paying for it.

I like @mcnetn3  way of doing the invite

Post # 14
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

That sucks, but I agree with everybody else.  Find out if your parents mind if you put their names on there, and if they’re willing to do it to keep the peace, go for it.

She should know that a wedding is “hosted” by the people who are paying though.

Post # 15
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

We added my in-laws names to the invites just to keep everyone pleased- my parents paid for everything. My in-laws did foot the bill for our rehearsal dinner (4 large pizza’s- not complaining, but it was seriously like 40-50 bucks) and my husband’s suit alterations which I’m pretty sure was put on a credit card in my husband’s name he had no idea they had at the time.. They are in a tough position they created.

 I wouldn’t have changed our wording- I like including everyone, but if your mom wouldlike her name on the invites alone (since technnically she is the host) I’d oblige and have your fiance explain the situation to his mother. You should stay out of this discussion with your Mother-In-Law and have your future husband handle her.

 

Post # 16
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m in a similar situation except my invitations already went out.  My mom is paying for a good chunk of the wedding and said that unless others were helping pay she didn’t want their names on the invitation or she wouldn’t give us any money.  Oh and she also made a big deal about not wanting my dad’s name on there (they are divorced).  We talked with my dad and he said he understood and wanted us to get the money from her so to just leave him off.  We asked FIL’s if they were contributing, they asked what needed to be paid for and when they heard said “oh well sounds like you don’t need our help then” and when we tried to push it more got upset so we dropped it.  So we went ahead and put just my mom’s name on the invitation & got the money from her.  Well we mailed them out and when his parents got theirs his mom got upset (we did show them a sample first & they said nothing about it then).  Then my dad (who has memory issues) apparently forgot he had said he was fine with it and he got upset too.  We reminded my dad of the situation and he was fine, just asked to be put on the program, which we told him we had been planning to do anyways.  My FIL’s are on a cruise with Future Sister-In-Law right now so my Fiance is planning to talk to his mom when they get back.  Apparently he is going to tell her that if its such a big deal to her she can pay to redo the invitations & pay for a good chunk of the wedding like my mom, lol.  

Goodluck with your situation, I hope you can all decided on something.

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