Post # 1
So here is the deal,
The past couple years of my life have been a bit of a challenge when it comes to managing my anxiety. There are number of reasons why this has been the cases, from doing fieldwork in one of the poorest countries in the world to having a number of mild chronic health problems.
Now, I have met the man of my dreams, got engaged, purchased a beautiful home and started a new job. All of this is amazing and I am soooo happy for it. But it is also a lot of change which means more (temporary) anxiety for me. Furthermore, we are now starting to plan the wedding for summer of 2018. Most of our family lives abroad and we live in a very touristy part of the country. This means there is no way to keep this wedding simple (everyone needs to fly in and we will need to help coordinate) or on a low budget (venues and vendors are very costly here). Hence, we have changed the city, country, and type of wedding we want to have at least a dozen times which means we are running out of time to tell potential guests where it will be so they can start saving up.
At this point in time, I am starting to lose interest in everything about the wedding except actually getting married to my fiancé. I do not want to discuss who to invite, how to keep the cost low, what kind of venue to book, if we should have cake or cupcakes anymore. I just feel too overwhelmed to make any decisions.
At this very moment, I want to elope and I want it to be soon so I am not anxiously waiting for it to happen in over a year from now while I worry about all the things that can go wrong (did I say I have anxiety issues? Lol).
Has anyone else been in this situation and decided to just go for it and plan a quick and easy elopement? How did it work out for you? Do you have any regrets? And if you decided against it in spite of your anxiety, do you have any advice on how you coped?
Post # 2
orchidee : Congratulations on the new home and job! I haven’t done this but may. How does your Fiance feel? There is nothing wrong with eloping if it makes the two of you happy.
Post # 3
Following! Due to arguing with family members about finances, we’re considering eloping. I understand the overwhelmed feeling you have so you’re not alone. I hope it gets better for you bee!!
Post # 4
I understand how overwhelming everything can be. We are having a destination wedding, but the thought of drama over people not able to pay for coming and all the costs etc has led us to decide on a small, less than 10 people wedding ceremony.
It’s sooo much easier to plan and coordinate, and since these people are our immediate family members, they won’t just back out on us.
We’re considering a simple garden buffet a few months later to celebrate with the larger circle of friends and relatives, but that’s relatively stress-free as well since it’s a casual luncheon so I won’t be so stressed about getting things perfect.
Perhaps you could consider eloping and then plan something much more casual to celebrate with family and friends later?
Post # 5
I got married a couple weeks ago. I have horrible anxiety and we have such big families that we had sent out about 400 invitations. So I did become overwhelmed and thought about just going straight to the beach and getting married there. We didn’t do that though, because of our parents and my grandparents. I did have a panic attack right before walking down the aisle, because the this was the moment that the previous 9 months had been building up to and it was too many emotions for me to handle. I even had to do the reach around the corner and hold my husband’s hand deal to calm myslef down. But once I saw my husband standing at the end of the aisle it was okay and I instantly started being able to breathe again.
I’m not kidding, I don’t remember any of the little details of my wedding. All I remember is how happy I was and how much I loved my husband. The music didn’t play right and I stumbled over my vows, but I didn’t care.
For example, I stressed over our first dance song for the longest time, and I don’t even remember hearing the song, because my husband and I were so distracted by each other.
To combat my anxiety, we did yoga that morning and played relaxing music all day. It also rained on my wedding day, so that was an added relaxing bonus. But I would talk to your doctor about something you can take that day to calm you down, if you feel like you need it. There are also many different ways to combat anxiety, you will just have to see what works for you. I would have regretted skpping the whole ceremony and reception with my family, because of my anxiety. It already controlled so much of my life, I wasn’t going to let it win on my big day.
Good luck and lots of love your way bee!
Post # 6
beethree : My Fiance would do just about anything I want to do. Right now he is really sold on the idea of having a destination wedding but I believe he would also be open to getting eloped abroad. I just do not want to tell him that that is defintely what I want to do as I have changed my mind so often already. But you are right, there is nothing wrong with getting eloped if that is really what we want to do – assuming he would still be interested in an elopement.
Post # 7
orchidee : Congratulations on the engagment, job, and home! I have a husband and son with anxiety – so I understand where you’re coming from. If having a wedding is causing you stress, then don’t do it. There’s no law that says you have to have a big fancy wedding. You can have a small, low-key wedding with just a few close friends, you can elope at city hall, you can have a dinner party and surprise your guests with a Justice of the Peace to perform a wedding, or you can elope, and hold a big reception at a later time to celebrate your wedding….. it’s all up to what is right for you and your Fiance.
If you’re becoming concerned about what people will say, don’t! Its not their wedding. They had their chance. Just as you wouldn’t tell a friend or relative where they have to get married, it’s not up to them to decide where and when you should get married. The only people I would be concerned about opinions is parents — but only to a point. I would certainly not suggest forcing yourself into a wedding you’d hate because your parents want it. I know my son well enough (he’s 15) that he would HATE a huge formal wedding, and it would make him very anxious. I understand that – and I love him enough that I want him to be comfortable getting married the way he wants to – it’s not about what I want.
So drop everything – sit down with your fiance and tell him that you’ve just got too much anxiety to plan a big blow-out wedding. Tell him what YOU would like. Ask him what HE would like. Put your ideas down on paper. Make your decisions based on what’s best for the two of you…. not anyone else. This day is about only the two of you – you have to remember that!
Post # 8
elizabeth1391 : I hope it gets better for you too! No one wants to be arguing about finances with family so I can only imagine the stress that is causing. I can see why you would want to elope as well.
Post # 9
orchidee : We had a JOP wedding because of the fact that most of my family lived out of state and couldn’t travel and a good portion of his family wouldn’t want to travel so we excluded everyone and got married our way. And it was great. But that’s what worked for us.
Post # 10
chachamaru : I think that is an excellent idea – eloping and then celebrating with our family! It seems like that is the direction we are going and it would be nice to still celebrate with our family so it’s a win-win from my perspective. Thanks for the suggestion!
Post # 11
orchidee : We had a wedding for 2 (elopement) in a castle in he UK. It was intimate, romantic and completely about us. We had the dress, flowers, cake, fabulous dinner, without all the stress. I couldnt imagine it being any better. We turned the wedding into a honeymoon (weddingmoon). Im helping a friend with her wedding plans and It reinforces how eloping was the best option for us.
Post # 12
orchidee : Congrats on the new job, new house and your engagement. Yippee!! I don’t have anxiety (diagnosed anyway) but there’s something about wedding planning that made me very anxious and emotional in not a good way. We eventually decided to elope this year in front of 15 our closest family and friends and it was the BEST decision I could have made. Prior to this, I was so overwhelmed with updating spreadsheets for budget calculations, arguing over the guest list one thousand times, and coordinating with vendors. I would burst into tears at a drop of a hat, and I was constantly fussing with my family and fiance. Now, it’s 7 months out until my wedding and I’m so happy and stress free. No more spreadsheets! No seating chart! No vendor meetings and contracts! My point is: do what’s best for you and your mental health (and of course your FI). If eloping is what makes you happy, DO IT. And never look back. Congratulations again, bee!! xoxo