Help! Argument with Hubby over SIL Baby Shower gift

posted 3 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

I think that’s pretty ridiculous- FI & I make decent money too but we would never spend that on a shower gift.

Sounds like your DH wants to “buy” sil’s affection.  If she’s aggressive and unpredictable, I can kind of understand that.  Conflict is hard for some ppl, especially family.

Voice your opinion.

Post # 3
Member
9430 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

1000$ is insane! Sometimes people try to warm up their relationships with family by buying them OTT presents. Its sounds like thats what your DH is doing- trying to make a grand gesture. Theres nothing inherently wrong with it… but I would push back on the budget. A 250 or $500 baby shower gift would still be really really generous! I typically spend 50, $100 if I reallllly love you. 

Because typically… after the grand gesture is made, the SIL will continue behaving in the exact same manner and the only difference will be that you are out 1000 bucks. I also dont like rewarding/bribing bad behavoir… so you could try that angle with your DH.

Post # 4
Member
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

$1,000 is way over the top!!!  In my area, $250 would be over the top, and only the Grandmas would give something that large.  Most people spend between $30-$70….

I agree with PP that say he sounds like he’s trying to buy his way back onto her good side, which probably won’t work.  I would push back on this one.  There is no way I would spend that much.

Post # 5
Member
4173 posts
Honey bee

lar31017 :  that is an insane amount of money on a stroller! Making good money doesn’t mean you waste it on ridiculous stuff lol. You can’t buy someone’s affection so I would personally drop the shower gift budget. And if he’s set on that amount then I would only agree to it if it was the seed money for a college fund. 

Post # 6
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

That sounds like an insane amount of money to spend on a baby shower gift and/or on a stroller. I’d speak up.

Post # 7
Member
2040 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah nah that shit wouldn’t fly with me. Even putting aside the fact that she hasn’t been kind, that’s too much. And honestly I think strollers are something parents should buy themselves. $250 is generous, even if you guys were close and she was lovely, that’s still a lot of money. $1000 is insane. 

Post # 8
Member
1809 posts
Buzzing bee

Definitely tell your DH exactly your feelings on the price range of the gift. Sounds like he wants to show everyone that he is the bigger person and suck up to his sister. He doesn’t need to prove how forgiving he is with a $1000 stroller. Your price range is the way to go.

SIL is like the guy someone dates who breaks up with you just before Christmas so he doesnt have to give you any gifts, then wants to get back together after New Years, so he can also party on NYE. 

 

Post # 9
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I like the bond idea.  How about a college savings plan?

Post # 10
Member
503 posts
Busy bee

A $1000 stroller is absurd, even if she is family. Sounds like DH is trying to buy her affection like PP’s have mentioned. Your ideas to buy a bond or start a college fund seem reasonable and certainly benefit the child more than some status symbol stroller!

Post # 11
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

That’s WAY too much money (especially for someone you’re not extremely close with)! I would push back on it.

Maybe a compromise would be to do $250 for a stroller (which is really generous in and of itself) and put the rest towards the bond or savings plan for the child?

Post # 12
Member
833 posts
Busy bee

Did you suggest buying a bond to him? I agree with you. The stroller will benefit the mom more than the baby. Can you buy another “big ticket” item that you are more comfortable with such as a crib?  

I think $1K on a baby shower gift is crazy. Especially on something like a luxury stroller. Just put your foot down. 

Post # 15
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee

lar31017 :  Holy Toledo, that is expensive for such a short-lived item. I agree with you. I have a feeling that your husband is trying to show his love through an outlay of money, and he needs to learn that money does not equal love. He can outreach in other ways (offer to help construct the crib, do small fixes around the house, etc.) Warning: hubs prob won’t admit that this is his goal in being overly generous. Also keep in mind that spending $1,000 upfront is a dangerous precedent to set. Your “interesting and difficult” SIL will expect similar or comparable gifts for the next 30 years (through Nephew’s wedding day, I suspect.) Plus subsequent offspring she is bound to have. It’s a money trap. Set the tone for REASONABLE gifts now, and show overtures / olive branches in other ways. My only criticism of you, OP, is that it’s a tad petty that your main focus is that such a large sum of cash don’t go to benefit SIL directly, that doesn’t really matter though I agree the longevity of the gift makes it not worth 4 figures. 

 I’ll conclude by just reminding you that you’re not dating anymore, you are married and an expense like this is something that absolutely must be cleared by you. The two of you must reach a compromise on what is reasonable here. Another solution if he really wants sis to have her dream stroller is to go in with other sibs, cousins or friends. 

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