(Closed) Help! ASAP P L E A S E (regarding ceromony officiant and beliefs).

posted 9 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 4
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Honestly, if you aren’t comfortable with this guy officiating, talk to your Fiance about it and try to get someone else.

Post # 5
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Do you have a copy of the ceremony? I was able to review ours online (link below), and was able to pick the alternative vows/combine some.

If there’s a line you specifically aren’t happy with, hopefully the officiant can remove it. Or, if it’s not going to work, you can still have a very religious ceremony with another officiant. We’re United Methodist, and I loved our ceremony. (No rib stuff in here!)



Post # 6
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

Honestly, I would not allow him to officiate. If he can’t slightly edit his traditional ceremony to meet the unique needs of you as a couple, he shouldn’t be the one to officate the ceremony. I mean, how hard can it be to change a couple sentences (or omit them)? I think that you should go back to this “leader” and let him know that if he’s unable to tweak the ceremony, you’ll find someone else to officiate.

I hope your Fiance is supportive of you and as compassionate as you are.

Post # 7
8 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

Agreed agreed agreed.

I know it is in Genesis that marriage is between man and a woman. “God created woman to be man’s helpmate” and all that. (Frankly I don’t like this passage because of the way it is usally phrased to imply that MAN came first and WOMAN was only created because he needed a “helper”. To me this passage does not imply gender equality, midsection rib or no. But I’m one of those crazy picky oversensitive types I suppose.)

Anyway, there are plenty of other wedding appropriate scriptures, that do not specifically include gender. Surely he can read one of those.

Ask to read the entire ceremony, start to finish. Any words or passages you don’t like, ask to change them. He doesn’t have to be false to his own beliefs to do this — he doesn’t have to approve of gay marriage. Agee to disagree and find a neutral compromise. If the script says, “Marriage is a commitment between a man and a woman,” he doesn’t need to say even “between two people” he could stop at “Marriage is a commitment.” That is a neutral phrase that all can agree on.

If an old testament reading is required/desired, find one that doesn’t mention gender.

It’s not about condoning or condemning homosexuality.It’s simply about uniting 2 people in a relationship he approves of in marriage in the sight of man and God. That is the focus of the day.

And if he can’t or won’t do that in a way that makes you feel comfortable and respected, than find someone else. Period. Because PLENTY of people will (including, it looks like from your post, the officiant including at your venue).

Oh, but talk to your Fiance about it first. I know he didn’t talk it through with you first, but he may have just assumed “Hey, our preacher is out, she is going to panic! I will be a man and fix this! I’m sure my old mentor will do the favor of marrying us for me. Back up preacher it is! There. Problem solved. Man, am I good.”Make sure you are on the same page about, “If the preacher won’t change, then we change who our preacher is”.

Post # 9
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

BREATHE! relax….wedding stress can cause fights….and your Fiance might just not want to rock the boat with his religious leader…which I DO understand …

I am not christian, my Fiance is not religious…we are hiring a non denominational wedding officiant who is seen in the eyes of the government as a legal wedding officiant…..

My FI’s cousins are BOTH catholic, and they actually hired the same officiant that we want (I met him in january, and saw him officiate their wedding in april, which was pretty awesome…)

apparently FI’s and his cousin’s grandmother kept saying “no priest?” and asked my FI’s aunt if the wedding was even legal….LOL…at least she’ll be prepared for our wedding (sort of, if she remembers…)

I would suggest

1) really talk to your Fiance about your concerns….he should be taking his future in laws (and wive’s) feelings into consideration….this WILL set the tone with them….

2) find a new officiant….search on the internet…I am sure there is someone out there to help you! 

Post # 10
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@pricklypig:  I was writing my ceremony and actually looked up the original Hebrew meaning of “helpmeet” and it actually means strong opposite. Google it because the real meaning is fascinating and sooooo far removed from what must of us have been taught!

View original reply
@chinacat:  I won’t go into my beliefs, but suffice it to say I do belive in rights. Period. Your ceremony is reflection of you and if there is something that may “irk” you during that special moment I would suggest leaving it out. 

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