- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
Short version: We’ll be in the same state as FI’s parents (not mine) for Christmas and I don’t know what to do. In short, FI’s a wonderful person and son, I’m a wonderful person and future-daughter-in-law, but my FI’s parents inexplicably throw fits for no reason and treat him wrong (and both of us if they get the chance). Specifically, they threw some huge fits and lacked any kind of compassion when FI wanted to go with me to see a close dying relative of mine last Christmas. That relative passed away shortly after Christmas. The holidays is the only time all his siblings are together (usually at their parents’ house, but I think FI and I should also offer to host them at some point over the holidays). Should we go over to his parents’ house for Christmas or not?
Longer version:Last year, FI’s parents pitched a fit when FI told them that we’d decided to spend the holidays with my family because we found out that a close relative of mine was dying. There were multiple arguments between them and FI and eventually FI and I decided that we would both go see my family, I’d stay, and FI would come back to his parents for Christmas day. When he came back, his mother made the day hell. She expressed no compassion for me or my relative and she did not seem to appreciate at all that my FI came back (so we were separated) for Christmas day. She tried to punish him with the silent treatment and then yelling. She said things like- it was setting a bad precedent for him to go out to see my family because a relative was dying because then I’d expect even more of him in the future. I never talked to her about this and just moved on as if nothing had happened when I next saw her. (I didn’t talk to her because she only seems able to scream completely irrationally, so I doubt any conversation would be productive.)
FI and I got engaged in March and everything had mostly been fine with his parents and me for the 1.5 years before then. No arguments, etc. They stopped talking to both of us from about May until September for no reason – no fight or anything. They started speaking to him again in September, but it’s a little strained and they have put off speaking to me or seeing me- they go from saying they’re very angry at me (for nothing) to claiming they just “need time” to get used to the idea of me (but I spent holidays and lots of time at their house just fine before we got engaged).
We’ll be in the same state as them for Christmas and it’s the only time of year that all FI’s siblings are also home. I’ve recently started to have a hard time feeling okay about spending Christmas with his parents (and especially his mom) when this time last year they were so cold-hearted about my own sick relative (who died shortly after Christmas last year). It seems so twisted and unfair to spend Christmas day with the ppl who gave FI and I such a hard time about being with my relative in her last days. I’m generally not an emotional person, but I’m worried about whether I’ll be mopey/crying since my last memories with my relative were at Christmas and since his parents were so awful about it. Then there’s also a good chance that we’ll be kicked out of their house for no reason (it’s happened before).
What should we do?
More background is at the link below.