Post # 1
We just got terrible news today. My husband had a sperm test done and he has no viable sperm. Not a single one was found. IVF wouldn’t even work for us.
I am in total shock and I don’t know how to feel/think/act. I feel numb.
The doctor doesn’t even know what is the problem. It could be due to an operation he had as a child or a blockage or … who knows!? The fertility clinic we were at doesn’t even know how to help us. Suggested that we consult the University of Washington, but that seems like a long shot and crazy expensive testing that will probably lead to nothing.
All hope has been cut off. We are not even 30 and we have just been told that we have zero chances of having kids. What would you do? How would you get through this? Please help. My emotions are all over the place.
Post # 3
I am so sorry, that is hard news.
Not having been through it I dont know what would actually work for getting through it, but this is what I think I would do and suggest you think about
1) Take time to grieve and come to terms with the situation.
2) Learn that all hope has not been lost. You can still have children. Remember DNA does not make a parent. Love makes a parent. I have two adopted siblings. My father, the man who walked me down the aisle, is actually my stepfather.
3) look into other alternatives such as sperm donors and adoption and decide if they are right for you
4) Look forward to the future that you chose.
Post # 4
I am so sorry! I have no suggestions other than getting a second opinion–mainly to see if another MD has better ideas.
In the mean time, take a deep breath and be there with your husband. As awful as it is for you, he must feel (wow, I have no words to describe how I terrible expect he would feel). Support each other and remember, you still have each other and you are still a family.
Post # 5
What hard news to hear!
I wouldn’t lose all hope yet though. As you said, it could simply be due to a blockage, right? So if you find a doctor who is able to diagnose that and correct it, then you’d no longer have a problem. I’d definitely go get the opinion of a specialist before you give up.
Post # 6
Thank you for your support. I just needed to get it out there and ‘talk’ to others who aren’t as close as friends/family. I am not ready to talk to people IRL yet.
Post # 7
I think if I were in your situation, my first reaction would be to find out why he does not have any viable sperm. Is it a blockage (like a varicocele) that could be fixed by surgery? Is it some other issue? Are there ways to improve the viability of his sperm through supplements etc? I second @KH:‘s suggestion to seek a second opinion. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I cannot imagine the feelings you must have right now.
Post # 8
@Mrs.KMM: Thank you. The university is 3 hrs away from us and god knows how expensive. But at least it’s an option.
Post # 9
Are you totally against using a sperm donor?
Post # 10
@AstoriaK: He had undescended testicles as a child (only got surgery to have it fixed at age 6 which is really late). So that could impair the testes’ ability to produce sperm at all. We are trying to get his medical records from Children’s Hospital for the surgery to see exactly what was wrong back then and that might give us more insight.
Post # 11
@Westwood: Yes. The main reason we wanted a child was to have a part of both of us combined in a little life, so without that, there isn’t much incentive for us to have a child. Or to adopt.
This is so frustrating. At least if he had one sperm there would be a slim hope. but ZERO??? FML.
I don’t know how to act around him. If I act devastated, it might make him feel worse and I don’t want to put any more pressure on him. But it’s hard to be positive.
Post # 12
@lilsweetie: Awww…..lady my heart is breaking for you right now. I know what bad news feels like but I can’t possibly imagine your pain right now. Is doing a biopsy totally out of the question? I hope and pray there’s still a way to find if only one. Male infertility can be so frustrating sometimes, but we are here for you.
I’m at a lost of words…but like pp said, there still may be hope. Since he’s producing none then this may likely be a physical problem which may be likely fixable once diagnosed. Please don’t lose hope just yet. Maybe shop around for a good urologist?
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
We’ve discussed the possibility of infertility, and for us, we’d be happy with adoption. I know there are varying views on this and many believe that a biological baby is “different,”(not to mention the hurdles you often have to jump through to adopt) but maybe after you’ve both had some time (I can’t imagine this was easy on him) to reflect, you can sit down a discuss what you want to get out of having children- is it sharing DNA with your offspring or providing a wonderful home to a child?
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I’m not trying to be insensitive at all, I’m just expressing that kids can happen in a different way, too.
Post # 14
@lilsweetie: Aw I’m sorry *hugs*
I think I would first give it some time to sink in, and then I would re-group and evaluate my options. Just because you can’t have kids the old fashioned way doesn’t mean that a) there isn’t some medical help or b) you won’t ever experience being parents.
I would find some sort of support group, if possible, and see what kind of information they can offer i.e. if they have similar issues and have found X out etc. Often people who are going through the same thing have way more things to offer than a medical facility would, as well as helping you feel like you’re not the only couple going through this.
And I second what Mrs. Gremmlin says. If you love children, you WILL have them in your life, it may just be different than you originally planned.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
There are other options, it just wouldn’t be 100% his biological child. All it means is you both have to process this information and decide whether you still want a child even if it is not 100% biologically his child.
1) Use sperm from his father or brother or other male relative. That way the child is biologically his in a way.
2) Use sperm from a donor. You can always pick a donor that has similar hair color and eye color to your husband. The child will still pick up your husband’s mannerisms just by being raised by him; I was always surprised when my stepdaughter said or did something in a way that she sounded or looked like me.
3) Use a surrogate or adopt.
Either way, you may want to consider some counseling to help you cope with this situation.
Post # 16
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
My FH and I have discussed the possibility of infertility and we are pretty sure we would decide not to go to extreme measures to have children (i.e. no IVF or adoption.) We are happy with our lifestyle as a couple and while we would like to have a child, if we weren’t able to have one without assistance, we think it’s just meant for us not to have any children at all. But that is what works for us as a couple.
You need to do what is best for you two as couple.