(Closed) Help. Bad News: DH has Zero viable sperm

posted 8 years ago in TTC
Post # 47
Member
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@ThreeMeers:  you gave her the perfect advice!

Post # 48
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@lilsweetie:  Glad I could help in some way lol 🙂 Laughter isnt always the best medicine, but its a start!

Post # 49
Member
609 posts
Busy bee

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@lilsweetie:  I gave birth to a rape baby a few years ago. The cord severed during birth and my baby died in his first few minutes. 

I never wanted children, and being forced to carry one has created a pain and hurt in me that most cannot imagine. I did not believe in abortion, and planned to give him up for adoption. When I held my boy in my arms, I felt no connection to him.

I decided that because of whatever psychological issues are keeping me from feeling the emotion necessary to want to concieve a child, I wouldn’t. My mother hated me from the minute she knew I was in her uterus, and this possibly added to my hatred of children.

My boyfriend does not want children, and for us and for now, that is great. If it changes in the future, I know there are thousands of babies that deserve as much love as I would give to my own flesh and blood.  

I have severe anxiety issues, and that coupled with my past traumas have pretty much given me no other option than adoption in the future. That way, if I hold my potential son/daughter in my arms, and the feeling isn’t there, I won’t have to raise a child I never really wanted in the first place.

Post # 51
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690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@lilsweetie: I hope you and your DH can find happiness with whatever choice you make.  Adoption, using a sperm donor, fertility treatments, etc are very personal decisions and only you know what is best for your family. Best of luck and I’m sure whatever happens will happen for the best!

Post # 52
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We’ve talked about what we would be willing to do to have a family, and decided that when we’re ready to try we’ll take it as far as our insurance will allow, but that we’d ultimately be ok with it if kids weren’t in the cards for us.  That said, I think that even if we never have a family, we’ll explore our options in helping other people to have their own.  I will happily donate an egg or be a surrogate if those things are options for me.  I also think that fostering could be quite challenging but rewarding, especially if the children you foster are among the lucky ones that successfully reunite with their bio parents.

Post # 53
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Sweetie, I am so, so sorry for you. I’m giving you a million hugs right now.

I’ll also be praying for you and your husband- that God will give you peace and hope and that where he has closed this door for you, he’ll open another one.

My husband’s parents were unable to have children. I don’t know for sure which one of them is barren, but I believe it was his father. They adopted a baby girl, and at five years old, she was diagnosed with brain cancer. Shortly after, they found out that they had been approved to adopt my husband. They always say he came at a really special time in their lives.

His mom will tell you now, after having fought through his sister’s cancer, that it doesn’t matter if the child is biologically yours or not. She loved her daughter just as much as anyone does, and was terrified of losing her.

After a lot of radiation and chemotherapy, which did have an effect on her development, both physically and mentally, his sister has now been cancer free for 20 years. And they are grateful to have her every single day.

Something else to consider- just because a child is not biologically yours, doesn’t mean that you won’t see things in the child that remind you of your spouse. My husband is SO MUCH like his adopted dad. He has his father’s sense of humor, no doubt about it. You should see them when they get on a roll together. And he definitely got his capacity for romancing and making grandiose romantic gestures from his dad, who is a total ladies’ man. And my husband adores Michigan football, even though he’s never lived there a day in his life and despises the cold. Why? Because his dad grew up in Michigan, and my husband all but worships him.

Adoption is so beautiful. It’s not for everyone, but if that ultimately ends up being the path that you choose, just remember that you are giving a beautiful human being a life that he or she would never have been able to have without you in it. And when he calls your husband “Daddy” for the first time, I’m pretty sure the LAST thing on your mind is going to be the fact that you don’t share the same DNA.

I hope that no matter what you decide, that you are given comfort and peace. You never know what the future holds, so don’t give up hope. <3

Post # 54
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am so sorry you and your DH are going through this. You are being so brave to reach out and I hope that everyone’s advice can give you some comfort during this time. I think there are some wonderful posts on here already and don’t have much to add, but take the time you need for you and then reassess. Hopefully another doctor can get you some better answers and even a possible solution before you give up all hope. 

Im so sorry Hun, please keep us posted on your journey. We’re all here for you! 

Post # 56
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have a friend who has been trying to get pregnant for years. Both her and her husband have gone through every test there is and no one can find a reason of why they have been unable to get pregnant. They have been told that both of them are 100% fertile and that there is no explanation for the difficulty they’ve experienced. This girl would be the absolute best mother in the world. It pains me so much that they are experiencing this and I just cannot accept it as, ‘they are not meant to be parents.” There are people who abuse and neglect their children – they should not be parents. I know you are probably in a semi-state of shock and trying to rationalize it as, “this isn’t meant to be,” but maybe you are meant to save another child’s life that does not have a family of their own. Maybe that is what you’re meant to eventually do… I just think that it could be looked at from different angles.

This couple has been exploring adoption options and through research and visiting orphanages in other countries they have decided that even if they do get pregnant, they still want to adopt as well.

You definitely have options – it might just take some time to come to terms with them. On another note I think using FIL’s sperm would totally creep me out Surprised haha.

 

 

Post # 57
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@lilsweetie:  just wanted to check in and see how you and DH were doing. I’ve been thinking about you and sending you prayers and positive vibes during this tough time.

Post # 58
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee

@lilsweetie:  I’m so sorry, hon. This is a big fear of mine, and I can only imagine how devastated you must feel. Wish I could give you a big hug!

Post # 60
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@lilsweetie:  As odd as it is, I hope he finds comfort in the fact that he isn’t alone. And it seems hopeful that his dad was able to overcome the problem to father one child.

I will continue to keep you and your DH in my thoughts and prayers.

Post # 61
Member
609 posts
Busy bee

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@lilsweetie:  I just want you to know that even though an option is taken away, there are always more. If you want children, it is beyond biological or not. There are children that would be lucky to have someone to love them, and I do believe if you want to be a Mother, you will find a way. 

 

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