Post # 1
My fiancee and I have been together for 11 years. We have three kids and established a home. For years he did not care about marriage, I came to terms with it. We took a family trip to Vegas this year. We usually have one night out just me and him, as usual we went out. He took me to a French restaurant and he wanted to show me the top of the Paris Paris Hotel Eiffel Tower. My favorite place. Long story short, the tower was closed by the time we got out. We went to a show and it got late. We ended up randomely, not knowing what to do next, at a hotel parking structure to park and go to a bar. He jokingly told me if I would like to shack up in the back of our car, I said ok! He got off to fold the seats and I followed a few seconds later. I was getting ready to jump in the back and he got on one knee. Honestly it happened so fast and it was muffled. I was extremely surprised and heard something like, “I should of done this a long time ago, you are the mother of my kids……..yes?” He talked pretty quickly so I missied some stuff, plus, I was so surprised. I almost felt like he wanted to get it out of the way and felt like the only reason why he wants to marry me is because I am the mother of his children and settled. He knows me so well and he decided to do it there and I didn’t hear some of what he said. I was happy/sad/shocked. We go out on dates almost regularly, he could of done it another day if the plan didn’t go right. Not to mention that he is very judgy with other people, saying things like, “I would do this or that…” “I would do better” but with me, he just got it out of the way. I can’t get over it because this was a dream for me, the way it just happened, so little thought. Even taking me to the Paris Tower that day was like, “we’ll see if it happens” attitude. Not to mention that I am dreading people asking me when the date is because he keeps pushing it further for personal accomplishments. The excitement is drifting away. I actually talked to him about it and he said he couldn’t hold on to the ring long and “ok I f%$#*d up sorry” “Let’s move forward.” So pretty much that is what I am trying to do but I can’t. I cry here and there feeling lke crap. Especially when people ask how the proposal was. I try to make it a funny experience, but it’s not. How can I get over this?
Post # 2
bridetoneverbee : Honestly, I think you’re being a bit dramatic here. You are making assumptions about why he proposed to you, and it doesn’t seem like you have any good reasoning behind those assumptions unless you left something out.
Have you thought about the fact that he could have just proposed then and there because he was excited and had a ring in his pocket so he just went for it? Maybe the date night didn’t go as planned with the top of the tower being closed but shit happens, things don’t always go as planned.
Stop focusing on the fact that you didn’t get a “good” proposal, you are engaged to a man you love and that’s what matters. Who cares if you don’t have a fun story to tell other people, that shouldn’t matter.
When people ask you a date, just say you haven’t set one yet. A lot of people don’t set dates right away, it’s not abnormal.
How far out is your fiance trying to push the wedding? Are the personal accomplishments realistic, do they have a time frame?
Post # 3
You said you accepted a long time ago that you weren’t getting married. Presumably, of he had no desire to marry you he’d have happily continued as was. But he chose to propose. Is there any reason you think he was just getting it out of the way?? From what you wrote it sounds like he could have simply never proposed at all and you would have stuck around.
Post # 4
It sounds like he wanted to do it at the tower but it was closed, and instead of making you wait longer he just did it.
I also think your attitude is wrong. He had 0 ‘incentive’ to propose if all he wanted was to be settled and have kids. He already has that! He proposed because he wanted to, and that is sweet.
Post # 5
Wow!! Give him the ring back than. It seems like your a hard women to please. It’s looks like he had good intentions of planning to propose on top of the tower and like he told you he couldn’t hold on to the ring long. My god at least he proposed to you. Would you feel better if he never did or you would be on here complaining about your boyfriend that is never going to propose? Just be happy you finally got a ring not because your the mother of his children but because he loves you.
Post # 6
I’m sorry but I don’t understand why you need an elaborate proposal. Do you want to marry him? Yes? And he wants to marry you? Perfect.
Post # 7
bridetoneverbee : every time I read a story like this I just get annoyed. Your proposal was spontaneous-ish, a silly story, a surprise, a lovely day beforehand. What more do you want? I was with my husband 8 years and sad for almost 2 of them because he wouldn’t propose and really didn’t understand. I said now or never and after an absolute shit evening where I expected to lose him, he chose now. Is that the kind of proposal you are longing for? No? Then deal and don’t make him feel bad. Although I’ve shared my story, I never once asked for a do over or anything more. I have a life to live and so should you. Harsh, but I’m getting sick of these stories.
Post # 8
I understand how you are feeling. You have an 11 year relationship, you’ve been together for so long and you’ve looked forward to the day he proposed! Now you feel like he didn’t put thought into it, but know that he did. He’d been thinking about that day for a while now too. He wanted it to be perfect and he finally got the guts and decided he was going to do it that day! Unfortunately things didn’t go how he wanted but you know what, he had woke up that morning determine to make you his fiancé. I think its a cute story, he tried to do it in this spectacular way and it just didn’t work out for him, he was disappointed but stayed determined and just hoped you’d still said yes. I mean like you said he talked quickly, that wasn’t to get it out of the way, that was because he was nervous! And he’s not marrying you just because you have kids together. I mean he loved you enough to have children with you, and 11 years together that’s amazing! He has whole heartedly chosen you, believe him. He wasn’t getting anything out of the way, he was just beyond ready to be your fiancé and couldn’t turn back. I commend him for not giving up on his mission. It didn’t happen some dream way and knowing that you are disappointed probably kills him. Just look at each other, love each other, and laugh about it. He was going to make you his fiancé that day dang it, rain or shine no matter what he was determined to put a ring on that finger, he couldn’t take it a second longer!!
Post # 9
Just be happy he actually wants to marry you after such a long time of having everything without the legal committment. This turnaround almost never happens. Just be happy you’re marrying the father of your children and will be a happy family! Unless you don’t want to marry him?
Post # 10
OP, that sounds inherently romantic to me. You said he never wanted to get married and you presumably were OK with that because you had children and a life with him without the expectation of marriage. He proposed unprompted because he had a change of heart or decided he wanted to do something that would make you happy. Why are you being such a Debbie downer about this? He obviously planned to propose at the eiffel Tower but it was closed. It happens that life doesn’t go to plan so he did the next best thing and changed plans and proposed then and there.
Is this about the proposal truly… Or are you upset it took him years to do it even though he had told you marriage wasn’t something he subscribed to? OP you have the choice to see everything as a glass half full or a glass half empty. Seeing the glass half full is a way more satisfying way to live your life.
Post # 11
My husband proposed in a car park. He had wanted to do it on the Mont St Micheal in Northern France, but it was super busy and he is super shy. He dragged me round that thing for over an hour trying to find the ‘right spot’ and in the end the right spot was by the car on our own with the Mont in the background.
It was perfect and very us (we are not big PDA people)
Post # 12
I hate all the responses that say you are being dramatic or that you dont need an elaborate proposal, they think just because you got a proposal you should shut up and be happy.
I get it, it was something you were looking forward to and youre justified to feel a little bit disappointed in it. Unfortunately, its over with now so at some point you need to choose to move on. I would personally try and make up for it in the wedding. You sound like youre a romantic person and maybe try and find a way to have that big romantic moment at the wedding!
Post # 13
I think people are being a little harsh on you, bee. I would be disappointed too, but I do not think that would really linger long. Yes, it was a little let down, but it is a small moment in the bigger picture. I think maybe you’re upset about waiting? Or it sounds to me like maybe he had built you up, pushing a huge romantic proposal, and then did not follow through. Even so, I would look past it. I would not be embarrassed about telling people either, people will not give it a second thought I promise! Besides, in a year people will be asking about the wedding, not about how he proposed.
Post # 14
When my dad wanted to propose to my mom, he drove around and around trying to find a nice spot to pop the question. Then it started raining, and my mom was confused about where he was taking her, so he got frustrated and pulled over on the side of the road (with nothing but a steep, muddy hill as their backdrop), and just asked her. Definitely didn’t go as planned, and it definitely wasn’t a dream proposal…but it’s their story and looking back on it, it’s kinda cute.
I agree with PP that his plan was probably to propose at the tower. Perhaps he was really thrown off by the unexpected closure, so he struggled to think of a nice plan B and was left to drop the bomb on a whim…? I also want to echo PP about the fact that you already have a life with him. 3 kids, a house, 11 years together…I really don’t think you have to wonder if he’s marrying you for the right reasons. The bigger picture is, if he didn’t propose, you’d still be raising a family with him none the wiser anyway, right? So why not tie the knot and complete the picture? 🙂
Post # 15
Okay, I feel you OP. After 11 years, he popped the question in a random car park before a quickie? He literally could have popped the question just about any other time and it would have been better. You deserved better after 11 years and kids. It sucks and I’d def be hurt and mad. How stressful can it really be after 11 years of waiting. Another week would have killed him?
But now what? Do you want to break up? Give the ring back? If not then enjoy the engagement, and pick a day and make him stick to it.