(Closed) Help bees! I need to kick two bridesmaids out of my wedding!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Um, do you want to be friends with these girls? Cuz if you give them the boot, basically, they will probably not want to be your friends ever again.

Post # 4
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Sorry.. there is no way to do this without being mean.. you’re being really mean. 

Post # 7
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i definitely would not lie about it.  that’s just going to cause really bad blood between the three of you.  I’d just try and have a frank discussion with the pregnant bridesmaid and ask if she’ll even be comfortable remaining in the wedding party given that she will be extremely pregnant by the wedding date and that could be taxing (physically and emotionally) for her.  

Can you try having a talk with the other bm about her lack of involvement?  I guess I don’t see that she has really done anything wrong except maybe not show quite as much enthusiasm for your wedding as perhaps being a bridesmaid warrants.  I’m not sure that lack of enthusiasm about it is grounds to kick her out though, especially if you have not raised these concerns with her beforehand.  I think the communication related to wedding stuff should start at your end – sometimes they need to know what’s going on/ what is expected of them to be excited about it.  If you have talked to her about the lack of enthusiasm you’re feeling from her, and the lack of communication on her end is an on-going problem, and you are absolutely insistent that she not be in the wedding party, perhaps you could cite that as the reason.  

I must reiterate that I would not lie to them though, particularly if they are still invited to the wedding, just not in the wedding party anymore.  

As an additional comment, maybe you could find alternative roles for them such as doing readings during the ceremony?

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

double post for some reason, sorry!

Post # 9
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

There is no way to do this and not be a considered a terrible person.  You asked them to be in the wedding.  The woman is pregnant so kicking her out because of that is terrible, as is calling your friend huge.  It’s also terrible to replace people.  You shouldn’t have let them “bully” you into making them BMs.  This is just ridiculous and you’re going to lose two friends over this immaturity.

Post # 10
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yeah I think you’re definitely going to burn bridges with these girls by kicking them out but it sounds like you don’t particularly want to remain friends with them anyway and you’ve already replaced them so I guess just bite the bullet and tell them straight. Don’t lie about it – you’ll get caught in that lie eventually and it will be even worse than how bad it’s going to be.

Post # 11
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

Definitely don’t lie about it.

I think you could ask preggers Bridesmaid or Best Man if she still wants to be in the wedding, and maybe she will step down on her own. For the other one, the best option might be to keep her in it.

But if you really feel strongly that you must kick them out, you could have a conversation with them saying that you had a different idea of what a bridesmaid would be, and you expected them to be more involved in the planning and in your life in general. And somehow get around to telling them you don’t feel like they should be bridesmaids anymore— but they may never talk to you again if you do this.

Post # 12
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

For the record one of my BMs is going to be 8months pregnant and I would NEVER in a million years even think of kicking her out of my party.  I really hope that you’re not as shallow of a person as you are coming accross. 

Post # 14
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m with ejs in that you should expect to no longer be friends with these two girls you’re asking to step down after the wedding.

I think the most diplomatic way to do this would be to talk to them and say:

“I want you to know that I really won’t be upset or offended if you don’t want to be a part of the wedding. You seem really busy right now, and I know that being a bridesmaids is a lot of time and work, so if you would like to back out, I will truly understand.”

Then take it from there.

Post # 15
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

Sounds to me like they don’t want to be a part of your wedding just as much as you don’t want them to be a part of it. If you are honest with them about the way you feel chances are they might feel relieved. I think that you should have handled this situation before asking others to take their place, but that’s just my opinion.

I had a similar situation with my maid of honor. She was my best friend since junior high so it was an assumed role on both of our parts because we meant a lot to each other, however, I KNEW she wasn’t going to be there for me, and that with her own wedding being planned (In which I was supposed to be the maid of honor), she wouldn’t put any effort into mine. Lucky for me we had a disagreement in March, (that was a long time coming, and have not spoken since), so I just moved on and asked my awesome adult bestest to be the maid of honor. 

Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

umm… You are being horribly mean!  

I would call pregnant bridesmaid and actually talk to her and see what her feelings are.   She may be fine with being pregnant and in the wedding party.   However, I am a little stunned that you actually wrote that she was HUGE.  Not only are you calling her fat, you capitolized it!  Plus, she’s your friend. 

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