(Closed) Help bees! I need to kick two bridesmaids out of my wedding!

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
3997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I literally can’t imagine how someone could pull off kicking BM’s out without looking mean.  They haven’t done anything horribly wrong here.  You mentioned that they haven’t been calling or texting you as grounds for ‘termination’.  But does that mean they’ve been ignoring your attempts?  Its kinda hard to hold that against someone when you haven’t been reaching out to them.  Aside from that, you’re right, the prego friend might not be comfortable, but that was her decision to remain your Bridesmaid or Best Man, so it is what it is.  And the other one will be totally blindsided.  Do you really see yourself saying, “I’m sorry, but I’ve chosen to replace you”?  It just sounds like a mess, I’m sorry if this sounds harsh!  I don’t mean to attack ya, its just that I don’t know how this will turn out.  If you replace the girls, chances are you’ll ruin the friendships, although it sounds like that isn’t important to you.  And if you tell the replacements you changed your mind, you’ll probably create some tension there too.

Post # 18
Member
5843 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

You’ve already made your decision so now just rip the band aid off, do not under any circumstances lie. Just hope they don’t start bad mouthing you to everyone you know.

Post # 19
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

It seems like you have already made up your mind so just flat out tell them. I do think it was a bit wrong to already get replacements before talking to the girls but since its already been done you just gatta do what you gatta do.

Post # 20
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You are being mean.  There’s no way to do this without being mean.  I also don’t really think they are required to take an interest in every single aspect of planning the wedding.  Isn’t it enough that they want to be there and stand up for you on the day of your wedding??  They shouldn’t have to call and text you every day to ask about how planning is going or whatever.

Post # 22
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think anyone was trying to be mean. They are being honest because they really believe that the truth will set you free. no one said it would be easy!

be honest and open with your friends, show them you love and need them, and if they aren’t able to be there for you…then you will know. that is the only way. honesty and love. isn’t that what you expect from them?

i know this can all get super stressful. i feel it too with my girls, but i just look the other way because i know my wedding is not the most important thing in their lives, even though they do love me and will make sure everything goes right on the day of.

i hope you can resolve this in a way that works and makes your wedding day perfect. good luck! and sorry you are having a rough time of it tight now.

Post # 23
Member
3997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Oh boy, I just saw you’re response about the non-help.  Disregard my previous post.  I get that you don’t want to hear the negativity.  But what can we tell you?  You know what you have to do if this is your choice, you have to just tell them you don’t want them there and live with the concequences- the end.  You can throw in the part about considering them too, but I bet they’ll things is BS. 

Post # 24
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

You yourself said multiple times that you knew you were being mean.  We all confirmed what you already know.. that there is no way to do this and have it be OK… and yet you are upset with how we responded.  I’m not quite sure what you were looking for here?

Post # 25
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

I hate to say this, but what, if not honest answers, did you expect from the hive? You have to understand that what you are doing isn’t the nicest thing in the world. You may have not wanted to hear it over and over again, but I’m not sure what else you wanted people to say?

Post # 27
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My Maid/Matron of Honor was 6 months prego and another Bridesmaid or Best Man was 5 months at our wedding. The only thing we discussed was how to make them more comfortable in their dresses. Example, wear a shaw.  I also placed to empty chairs on the front row for them to sit down if they needed to.

Since you deleted your original post I can’t give more help then that.

Post # 28
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Bridesmaids are friends, not wait staff, so if they can’t drop everything for your wedding, get over it. I have said more polite variations of this in other threads, but since you don’t seem to care about being polite to the bees who gave you honest feedback, I’m not going to worry about censoring my reply to you. You’re pretending you wanted honest answers, but really, you just wanted people to reassure you or you wouldn’t have been so snarky about their “non-help.” 
 

Post # 29
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m going with the unpopular view here, but it is YOUR day (and your fiance, of course) so I say do whatever you want and what will make you happy.  You don’t want to look back on your wedding pictures and have regrets.  If you’ve already talked to them about it, then its on them.  I did’nt even read the original post, but I understand the feeling but I’m stuck cause its my sister… =) Good luck and remember its your wedding day, not their bridesmaid day. 

 

Post # 30
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well, just come clean and tell them you don’t want them in your wedding because the one is prego and the other isn’t being “enthusiastic enough.”  I guarantee they won’t like it and they won’t be your friends anymore, but there isn’t any other way to say it.  And there’s no way to be “smooth” about it.

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