(Closed) HELP! BFF & I competed for the same job! Won the job, lost the friend..

posted 6 years ago in Career
Post # 3
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

personally I would forget about her if I had a friend like that. it’s not like you pulled any strings to get the job and had a leg up over her. She didn’t qualify, you did, and if she can’t see past that then goodbye. I’m sure you would have been bummed if you didn’t get the job, but you wouldn’t have blamed her for it!

Post # 4
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That’s a tough situation.  I would give her some time to cool off.  Obviously, they didn’t have a problem with your future husband working at the sister company or they wouldn’t have hired you.  That is a really hard situation.

As for your other job, I would 100% be reporting them to OSHA, the BBB and anyone else that would listen.  No one should be touched and exposed by someone at work and yelled at and treated like dirt.

Post # 5
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

How long ago did this happen?

I’d give her some time to cool off and then go back to her in a bit. 

It can really hurt to be turned down for a job and I’m sure she was upset about losing out and it can hurt even more to lose out to a friend/someone you know. At least when you don’t know who you lost out to it’s easier to get over the sting.

She shouldn’t be talking bad about you, but I wouldn’t completely write her off yet. Just give it some time and hopefully she’ll calm down and see reason in a bit. 

On another note, you NEED to report that company. Do they have a parent corporation? Or an external HR department? Not only was it a hostile workplace, the pulling down of your shirt could be classified as sexual harassment.

Post # 6
1180 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am sure you’ll get lots of posts saying she’s a bad friend if she can’t be happy for you, but I do feel sorry for her. As someone who struggled with job hunting, I know it sucks. And even if your relationship to your fiance was completely irrelevant to the decision, I am sure she feels like it was a factor, and that is frustrating too.

There’s nothing much you can do. You needed a job, you applied for a job, you got the job. Nothing to apologize for. Hopefully she’ll get over this in a few days and apologize for bashing you to friends and ignoring your calls. Just give her a little time.

Post # 7
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think the bigger problem here is your old job. You should think about filing an EEO complaint, that is completely unacceptable. Seriously. I’m so glad that you got out of there.

That being said, the job market out there is tough, you can’t worry about hurting feelings, especially when you are being treated like that. Everyone needs a fair shot. That includes you. You were the better candidate, and she should get over it in time. I can see why she would be disappointed, but her reaction seems over the top to me.

Post # 8
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Just curious as to why you stayed at that other job? Those are some horrible things.

As for you friend, welcome to life! Its a tough job world out their, and may the best fit win. I know its tough, but she will get through it and if she doesn’t then she may not be the friend you thought she was!

Post # 9
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Congrats! So good to hear you got yourself out of that hell hole! I think you should forget about her, she’s just jelous and seems like she’s having a hard time finding a job which makes her hate you even more. You don’t want any of that near you. Forget her and enjoy your new job and your life with your fiance!!

Post # 10
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@KatNYC2011:  Agreed. I also have to add that I think she will cool off and things will hopefully get better. So, I would just be patient for now, and understanding as to why she would be upset, even if it doesn’t make sense that she’s reacting so harshly.

Good luck with everything, and if you need any advice on reporting your company to the EEO, please let me know. I’m not a lawyer, but I worked at a Civil Rights Employment law firm and can offer some non-legal friendly advice.

Post # 11
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

How long ago was this?  Hopefully things blow over between you too.. her reaction was extremely childish, though.  I’m so happy that you were able to leave your hostile previous job and get this job!!!  I can’t believe such a place exists.  Good for your fiance puttting his foot down and getting you out!!

Post # 12
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Holy shit your previous job sounds horrible.  Why couldn’t you nail the customer for blatant sexual harassment when he pulled down your shirt?!  Moving on to your question…give her some time to cool off.  She’s upset and I can understand why.  Yeah, her reaction was mean and childish but I’m sure she will see the error of her ways soon enough.

Post # 13
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Here’s the thing: you and your friend both had a chance at getting that job. For whatever reason, you got it and she didn’t. She’s going to have to get over that, and stop blaming you for something out of your control. What would she expect you to do, turn it down or something?

I think you should encourage her to continue looking for a job, but don’t respond to any bashing (behind your back or otherwise) because she’s reacting emotionally right now, not logically. Hopefully she’ll get over it, move on, and get a different job!

Post # 14
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Woah – I’m not even going to touch on your old job – what a hell-hole!

As for the situation with your friend, the job market is tough and, especially if she has been looking for a while without success, I can see how having someone you know beat you out for a job could be frustrating and make her upset.  Give her some time to cool off and I’ll bet this will all blow over.  If not, then she isn’t really the friend you thought she was.

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