- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
Frequent user, posting here under a different handle for privacy reasons.
I got my period today (as expected; I’m on BCP). This morning, after the cat woke me up way too early (5:30 – thanks kitty!) I was laying in bed trying to get back to sleep and having the strangest thoughts. I kept thinking how amazing it would be if instead of PMS symtoms, I was having the symptoms of early pregnancy. My husband and I have NOT planned on TTC any time soon, so this was a surprise. But I kept thinking how great it would be, and how it would actually fit in well with my career trajectory.
When I told him about it later, he said sadly, “Maybe if I earned more money.” Neither of us make a lot. I’m finishing up my PhD and have an income of about $20,000. He just started a new job that pays about $40,000, after a year of unemployment that drained his savings (but thankfully, did not send him into debt). We recently made a budget together, and figured out that between rent, food, student loan payments, small retirement savings, and other basics, we just about break even every month. We live in one of the top 10 highest cost of living cities, so that $60,000 (pre-tax) doesn’t go as far as it would elsewhere.
My hope is that in 2 years, I might have a much better income as a faculty member somewhere. But there’s no guarantee of that, and no guarantee that he’d be able to find a job in the same city/region. So it doesn’t really make sense to TTC now, right? But I’m 31, and I don’t know when it WILL be the right time. And it’s arguably better for me to have a baby before I start the tenure clock than after.
Any thoughts or advice to help me sort this out would be appreciated. If you live in a top 10 cost of living city, would this be enough for you to have a kid, or is that reckless? I want to provide well for my child, of course, but I am also afraid of waiting too long. UGH. I will talk to Darling Husband about this, of course, but I wanted to get some outside feedback first. I know his immediate reaction will be “We can’t afford it,” but I just want to think it through.