- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 1999
Hello, Just warning — this is long!
I am so confused about a situation with my fiance’s (ex)-friends. I’ve tried to understand it and to get over it but I can’t seem to get over it without understanding it. Basically, I tried really hard to get his friends to like me, but I’m shy and socially awkward, which doesn’t help the situation. On Black Friday, I had too much to drink at a party, felt ill, and got very upset (I also cry very easily) and said some things I very much regret, but they were also between my fiance. I called a male friend (I honestly did not do it to make anyone jealous and I there was ABSOLUTELY NO intention of cheating or doing anything bad). I had called a cab company and my sister, but no one could pick me up, so I called this friend. When he showed up, my fiance’s friends started kicking the guy’s car and screaming at him. So I felt like I was in trouble and stayed outside and called my parents to come get me. I explained to my fiance that I just wanted a ride home and I had absolutely no intention of making anyone upset.
Two weeks later, my fiance’s friends (under the guise of a “game night”) called him over. I understandably was not invited. When he arrived, they were all sitting around a table and had a hand-written list of 25 reasons basically why we’re terrible people and why we’re too immature to get married. These are the reasons I remember:
-We are selfish because we are having our wedding “only” 40 days after another couple in “the group” are getting married
-I don’t handle my alcohol well
-He (my fiance) has been a bad friend becuase he spent too much time with me and too much time texting me
-One time we all went to dinner and after the group wanted to go play games at someone’s house; since I was tired, my fiance brought me home first (they took this as a slam against them)
-I don’t “fit in” with their group
…and so on and so forth.
My fiance has stood by me and defended me during this, even though I basically caused him to lose 6 of his best friends. I don’t understand why these people hate me so much; I’ve never had people handwrite a list about how I’m a horrible person and I don’t know how get it off of my mind. My feelings are very hurt, I’m angry that they couldn’t say this to my face, and I feel sad and guilty because this has caused my fiance a lot of pain. I tried apologizing for drinking too much, but I will not apologize for calling for a ride (as I know what my intentions were, and they were not bad). I asked what they would like me to change, and one girl in the group said that I “have to figure it out by myself” because she’s not “that kind of friend.” After this, my fiance and I have not contacted them (although we did see them at a fish fry, but that’s a whole different story).
I guess I just want some answers and some help as to how to get over this?
And is it my fault? How do I make it right?