(Closed) Help! Booted from bridal party! Should I return the favor?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

dont do it if you feel even slightly bad. you have to be super happy for her and same for her on yours. I think its best to make your decision known either way pretty soon

Post # 4
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

OOF that’s a tough one. But here’s how I would look at it: look at all the drama that happened because of her text and then recanting. It more likely could cause MORE drama if you boot her from yours, rather than end the drama. Most bees have stated, either from experience or because they’ve seen it so many times on here, the boot can pretty much end the friendship permanently.

If you still have some time before you HAVE to get the dress, and assuming her wedding isnt in like, the next couple months, I say take as much time as you can before you decide to see how everything plays out, how she continues to act around you, and how you truly feel.

Post # 5
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, that whole situation stinks. I don’t know what to tell you.

What do you want to see the friendship look like, going forward? I think maybe that’s your best starting point: figure out whether/how close of a friend you still want her to be (down the road, beyond the weddings), and then think about the best way to achieve that.

Post # 6
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

Were you considering booting her from your wedding party just because of that text (aside from the need to cut down on your bridesmaids), or was she really someone you would consider booting?  I would give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she really did mean to send to other people despite not listing your name (although still.. who kicks their maids out via text!?).  But as far as cutting her from your own bridal party, I’d give it some time after this situation to clearly evaluate if she is someone you would cut under normal drama-free circumstances or not.

Post # 7
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This all sounds really immature.  I wouldn’t fight fire with fire….nothing good will come of it.  I’d leave it alone…she’s not going to have a bridesmaid she really doesn’t want.

Post # 9
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I honestly wouldn’t be in her wedding, not out of spite, but out of a desire to not be involved in drama. A bride who would kick people out is one who is likely to cause drama in other ways, too. I’d also keep her in your bridal party if already asked. Maybe she’ll remove herself, maybe she won’t, but it’s really crappy to kick people out.

Post # 10
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you should call her back and talk to her about it. If I were you, I’d tell her that you’re happy to be her bridesmaid, but wouldnt’ be offended or hurt if she decided there were too many and she would prefer you come as a guest. Stress that you’re happy to be there for her either way and your title doesn’t matter.

Then mention to her (hopefully before you both come to a conculsion about your bridesmaid status in her wedding) that part of the reason why you can sympathize is because you feel like you were too excited and asked too many girls to be bridesmaids but are now having second thoughts about it yourself. Say you’re flattered that everyone accepted, but now you’re realizing that’s not the kind of wedding you and your fiance are looking to have.

Try to keep the conversation light and make fun of yourself for making so many mistakes as a bride. Then bring it back around to her situation and ask her maybe to think about it and let you know what she really wants to do.

Post # 11
Member
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Hmm, awkward.  I think I might politely decline (it’ll save you money if nothing else) and then not ask her to be in yours.  If you’ve already asked, well, I don’t know.  Is she someone you want standing up there with you?  Were you going to ask her to step down before you got that text?

Post # 12
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

ooooohhh. Well, I at least say sleep on it before deciding. And wait for more answers from the bee, these ladies are smart! Also, I love polls. You’ll get a lot of people to vote even if they all don’t chime in. It can help you visualize what everyone’s opinion is…

Post # 13
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Has there been a lot of other drama?  If so, then this might be an easy way out of the wedding.  But honestly, I would probably still be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and chalk up this situation as a case of crazy wedding brain.  Maybe she just got really stressed, made a mistake, and now has realized what she has done and is trying to cover it up.

As far as your wedding goes, I would only kick her out only if she actually kicks you out.  Removing someone from the wedding party is a friendship ending move.  I wouldn’t do it unless you didn’t want to remain friends with that person.  But if she removes you, then I would consider that friendship to be ended or severly damaged and would definitely consider removing her from your Wedding Party.

Post # 15
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ugh, based on your update, I would politely decline.

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