Post # 1
I really need your advice. Yesterday I was informed via TEXT that I am no longer a bridesmaid in my friend Karen’s ceremony.This was AFTER I saw her post on her wedding blog about how happy she was she to have finally chosen bridesmaid dresses.
We have been friends for about 4 years. She is engaged to one of my fiances good buddies (how her and I met).
Her text said very specifically that she had too many people her wedding party and was only going to have her sisters and her best friends (not me apparently as my name was not in the list). I didn’t respond because I was trying to decide if I should tell her the same thing as I actually have been stressed that I have chosen too many girls. I was planning on just sucking it up because I didnt want to hurt anyone. It was my fault afterall….
So now this morning I get a voicemail (I was in the shower) from Karen saying that she didn’t mean to send me that text. She claims it was meant for 2 other girls (but there was only one other besides me that i know of). I think she either regrets her decision or her fiance made her feel guilty for booting me. Whatever the reason, now I am REALLY confused because I was so close to just telling her I had to cut people (her) out too!
I haven’t responded yet..should I play along and buy my dress or should I confront her? or just tell her what I had orginally considered and be done with this drama!!???Help!
Post # 3
dont do it if you feel even slightly bad. you have to be super happy for her and same for her on yours. I think its best to make your decision known either way pretty soon
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
OOF that’s a tough one. But here’s how I would look at it: look at all the drama that happened because of her text and then recanting. It more likely could cause MORE drama if you boot her from yours, rather than end the drama. Most bees have stated, either from experience or because they’ve seen it so many times on here, the boot can pretty much end the friendship permanently.
If you still have some time before you HAVE to get the dress, and assuming her wedding isnt in like, the next couple months, I say take as much time as you can before you decide to see how everything plays out, how she continues to act around you, and how you truly feel.
Post # 5
Wow, that whole situation stinks. I don’t know what to tell you.
What do you want to see the friendship look like, going forward? I think maybe that’s your best starting point: figure out whether/how close of a friend you still want her to be (down the road, beyond the weddings), and then think about the best way to achieve that.
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
Were you considering booting her from your wedding party just because of that text (aside from the need to cut down on your bridesmaids), or was she really someone you would consider booting? I would give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she really did mean to send to other people despite not listing your name (although still.. who kicks their maids out via text!?). But as far as cutting her from your own bridal party, I’d give it some time after this situation to clearly evaluate if she is someone you would cut under normal drama-free circumstances or not.
Post # 7
This all sounds really immature. I wouldn’t fight fire with fire….nothing good will come of it. I’d leave it alone…she’s not going to have a bridesmaid she really doesn’t want.
Post # 8
@Sunnyday278: Her wedding was supposed to be next fall but now its in 2 months! Gotta decide soon :-/
Post # 9
I honestly wouldn’t be in her wedding, not out of spite, but out of a desire to not be involved in drama. A bride who would kick people out is one who is likely to cause drama in other ways, too. I’d also keep her in your bridal party if already asked. Maybe she’ll remove herself, maybe she won’t, but it’s really crappy to kick people out.
Post # 10
I think you should call her back and talk to her about it. If I were you, I’d tell her that you’re happy to be her bridesmaid, but wouldnt’ be offended or hurt if she decided there were too many and she would prefer you come as a guest. Stress that you’re happy to be there for her either way and your title doesn’t matter.
Then mention to her (hopefully before you both come to a conculsion about your bridesmaid status in her wedding) that part of the reason why you can sympathize is because you feel like you were too excited and asked too many girls to be bridesmaids but are now having second thoughts about it yourself. Say you’re flattered that everyone accepted, but now you’re realizing that’s not the kind of wedding you and your fiance are looking to have.
Try to keep the conversation light and make fun of yourself for making so many mistakes as a bride. Then bring it back around to her situation and ask her maybe to think about it and let you know what she really wants to do.
Post # 11
Hmm, awkward. I think I might politely decline (it’ll save you money if nothing else) and then not ask her to be in yours. If you’ve already asked, well, I don’t know. Is she someone you want standing up there with you? Were you going to ask her to step down before you got that text?
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
ooooohhh. Well, I at least say sleep on it before deciding. And wait for more answers from the bee, these ladies are smart! Also, I love polls. You’ll get a lot of people to vote even if they all don’t chime in. It can help you visualize what everyone’s opinion is…
Post # 13
Has there been a lot of other drama? If so, then this might be an easy way out of the wedding. But honestly, I would probably still be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and chalk up this situation as a case of crazy wedding brain. Maybe she just got really stressed, made a mistake, and now has realized what she has done and is trying to cover it up.
As far as your wedding goes, I would only kick her out only if she actually kicks you out. Removing someone from the wedding party is a friendship ending move. I wouldn’t do it unless you didn’t want to remain friends with that person. But if she removes you, then I would consider that friendship to be ended or severly damaged and would definitely consider removing her from your Wedding Party.
Post # 14
@elysion: I was considering booting her recently because she hasn’t been a very good friend. she used to treat me like one of her best friends and now I feel like I am more a friend out of convenience. I have repeatedly asked to be apart of her wedding planning and have not been included in anything. She went dress shopping 4 times in the last few weeks (wedding dress and bridesmaid dress) and when I told her I felt leftout she got snotty and said the girls she took with her are her best friends and always will be “thats just how it is.” Even my bf thinks she makes me compete for her friendship and he thinks I should just not bother anymore.
Post # 15
Ugh, based on your update, I would politely decline.
Post # 16
@moderndaisy: Thats exactly what I told my fiance this morning, almost word for word! He said he wouldnt even bother with her anymore but that it was my decision. So I decided to post on here first and see what you guys thought. Part of me does want to be in her party and does want her up there with me, but I just keep finding myself disappointed over and over. I feel like I treasure our friendship a lot more than she does.