- 3 years ago
Sorry in advance for the long post.
My H (!!!) and I just got married on Saturday. SO much went wrong, but I’ll save that for a recap post when I have some photos to share. In general, we’re thrilled to be husband and wife and know that that’s what matters at the end of the day. I know it’s only been a few days, but I’m having a bit of trouble letting something go.
We chose our officiant based on online reviews, of which there are literally hundreds upon hundreds of positive reviews over multiple years. I think he got ONE four-star review and all the rest were fives, and gave amazing descriptions of each individual circumstance. In other words, I don’t think it’s possible these reviews were faked. We met with him back in June to decide to book him and instantly took to him and felt very comfortable with hiring him.
I emailed him a month prior to our ceremony to send him the script we wanted. We worked extremely hard on it, and used some of the readings he suggested, and a bunch of our own. He had told us he was totally fine with this. He never responded to that email, and it took several more emails/calls to track him down. I was finally able to get him to speak with me about 3 days before the wedding. He seemed harried but I felt that we were on the same page.
The day of our ceremony we met with him briefly before the ceremony was to start (no rehearsal — we had no bridal party, no special ceremonies, etc.) and we had to make some last minute changes to venue because of torrential downpours. He seemed to be under control and directed us what to do.
My walk down the aisle was not what I envisioned based on our venue change, but that is neither here nor there. H and I get to the front of the room and our JOP starts speaking. I’m not even kidding you when I tell you he got about every third word of our extraordinarily carefully crafted ceremony incorrect. He stumbled over words. He got things completely wrong — as in, changed the meaning completely, and which made things sound totally horrible. H and I just kept looking at each other incredulously.
I’d ALMOST be able to forgive the rest, but our vows were so incredibly meaningful to us. They were the same vows my parents made to each other over 40 years ago. He legitimately messed up most words. H was able to correct many of the words but didn’t have them entirely memorized. I was able to correct all of the words he gave us to repeat after him, but he still broke them up in SUCH a strange way (after we gave him the precise division) that the meaning was really lost.
We know that we’re just as married as we would have been with the wording being better. But my heart is just heavy knowing this was our one chance to do this and it was so wrong. I can get over the torrential downpours and the other crazy things, but this just feels bad.
H is as upset about this as I am, though he’s more able to laugh about it. He came up with the idea of having a close family friend (who did our only reading at the wedding, which was beautiful), go through our whole ceremony together just so we can hear it done correctly and say our vows correctly. Is it weird to have an “unofficial redo”? I can’t decide if that’s totally strange or not.
Also, I’m not sure what to do about the reviews. People honestly wondered if he was having some sort of neurological issue, or if he’d gotten some really bad news, or something, that made him SO off (we only had 20 people at our wedding, so most had seen his website prior). Do I reach out to him? Do I let it go? Do I write the review I really want to write?
Or, just tell me I’m being ridiculous and I’ll hear that, too.