(Closed) HELP. Botched ceremony thanks to horrible JOP. What would you do?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
12207 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I agree with what julies1949 : said.  I’d call, express concern  and give the man a chance to explain what went so wrong. Maybe there was some sort of issue and he’ll offer you a discount or some kind of consideration. 

As for thinking that a lot of positive reviews can’t be faked, unfortunately that’s not true either. Did you ask for recent personal references? 

I like your H’s attitude, and promise you that one day you really will laugh at this. I’m not really big on do-overs, and wouldn’t do a public vow renewal, but if it would be meaningful to you to have your friend repeat this portion of the ceremony, you certainly could.

Post # 17
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Leaving a review that he was not professional/prepared is reasonable. A redo so you can hear them read the “right” way? That’s … um … a little high strung. 

You and your husband both know the meaning of the vows, even if a  couple of words got jumbled. Don’t bother.

Post # 18
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think leaving a review is the way to go. 

As for redoing them, I’d just do it privately if you really want to. I don’t think anyone else needs to be involved. 

I guarantee this wont seem like a big deal in a few weeks. 

Post # 20
Member
8861 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

farmfreshjoy :  Most wedding officiants are hired because of who they are and how they conduct ceremonies. They are real people with personalities, not just a body to read a script. When you hired this guy, did he know he would be expected to read an “extraordinarily carefully crafted ceremony” word for word? I know writing your own vows is trendy and common these days and a surprising number of bees feel the need to draft the entire ceremony too. But tbh, if I was a ceremony officiant, I would find it offensive to be given a script and told “just read this.” Half the time they’re corny AF and I would be embarassed to read that and have people think maybe those were my words. If this was the case, he should have said he wasn’t comfortable reading a script so you could look for someone who was willing to just be a mouthpiece. I imagine all the good reviews were from people who let him do his thing and were happy with it. It sounds aggravating, but if it’s any consolation I’m sure your guests were too focused on the love between you and your husband to notice anything off. Congratulations!

Post # 21
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

farmfreshjoy :  Ok, well. Sounds like you were seeking validation for a pre-determined decision, not opinions, but it’s all between you and your husband now. If it brings you joy to re-read your vows to each other with vocal perfection, go for it, but don’t expect your guests to be as enthusiastic about sitting through them a second time. 

Post # 23
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah, our JOP stumbled over our very standard not personalized vows too. And he mispronounced my middle name. But to me it’s a funny memory, not a devastating calamity. Maybe the guy really was having a stroke and was trying the best he could- it does seem odd that he would mess up so badly when everyone else had good experiences.

If a vow redo would make you feel better, you should do that. Fingers crossed one of you doesn’t get the hiccups, necessitating encore vow recitals. 

Post # 24
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We had definite bumps on our wedding day. But our ceremony was lovely, meaningful and I couldn’t take my eyes off my husband the whole time. Honestly, if the way your JOP did things made it so you didn’t feel lifted up on air and you want that? Do your re-do with a friend! Our ceremony was so beautiful, I cried through it all and when I heard my wedding song I walked down the aisle with two weeks later I teared up and hugged my husband and had another wonderful moment. I’d love for everyone to have that walking on air feeling, and if for you that means having a special time with your husband and dear friend, and whomever else it’s convenient to bring – that’s a great idea for you.

Post # 27
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee

farmfreshjoy :  our officiant- a family friend and a minister screwed up our vows and even pronounced us with the wrong name!  I thought it was hysterical and a year and a half later my husband and my man of honor still make jokes about it. It made for a great memory.

Post # 28
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front

farmfreshjoy :  OMG!!??

I’m not married yet….but now freaking out!?!  LOL

He got great reviews and was referred by one of my vendors.  :+(

Can you inbox his name please? YIKES…..we’re meeting him for first time in the next month or so. 

Post # 29
Member
2037 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

farmfreshjoy :  I don’t see a lot of difference between for better for worse and at some point in your marriage you will probably hate your partner but you should try to love them. He is expanding on what for better or worse means. I don’t thnk that’s uncommon. I don’t think in that situation he changed the meaning, instead emphasised it’s importance and the vow you were taking.For better for worse is very vague – like what is the worse? Try to love your partner even when you hate them? That’s specific and real and something that people can relate to.

I’m in the UK and you don’t really get tonscript your ceremony here and sometimes not even vows. We all have a different idea of what marriage looks like and what the struggles of marriage involve. Therefore, you’re going to get a different perspective and a different delivery from every officiant. His view on marriage doesn’t change your view in marriage. You and your husband are aware of what you signed up for and what that means for you. Our families witnessed our ceremony and our vows but they don’t know the full extent of the promises behind those vows; that for us for better for worse includes the promise to go to counselling if needed or to continue making our relationship a priority in our life. You know what those vows meant. There’s nothing stoping you from doing a private reading of them again, personally I’d do just the two of you but our families are spread everywhere and I couldn’t call them back for an unofficial do-over.

If it makes you feel better I attended a wedding where the vicar was so drunk that he couldn’t perform the ceremony. He turned the book of vows around to the couple and said “read that bit”. The couple essentially married themselves.

Post # 30
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

It sounds like he was having an off day…but there is still no excuse for him to be anything but proper! Like they always say, the show MUST go on! I would reach out to him asking for an explanation before posting an honest review. Just see what he has to say. Your Darling Husband is right, at least you will laugh over this someday!

It’s not the same thing, but I once went to a wedding where the JOP supplied the lines to the bride and groom to recite literally two words at a time. It was so awkward that some of the guests actually started SNICKERING!

Also for my wedding the JOP wrote the vows himself (we didn’t want to write our own). I advised I have some social anxiety and don’t like being in the spotlight, so I wanted to study them ahead of time so I would be prepared. He wrote two different sets of vows for me to choose from and I chose one set and studied them so I would be prepared. On our wedding day he delivered the wrong vows! Threw me a bit of a curve ball! Plus in the vows we chose he asked us the ‘I do’ question…in the vows we read he had us recite “I thee wed” with no question…I was mildly dissapointed we didn’t get to do the whole traditional question *sigh*.

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