Post # 1
Hi Bees, I’m having issues with my mom and the bridal shower she is throwing me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for her effort but she wants to invite tons of people who aren’t invited to the wedding and some people I’ve never met before. This makes me really uncomfortable… my understanding is that it’s not proper etiquette to invite people to the bridal shower who aren’t invited to the wedding and I just will feel awful if all these people are invited and are under the impression they are invited to the wedding. (We have quite a small venue so we can’t have a lot of guests). I’ve expressed my uneasiness about this to my mother and she doesn’t care what I say and says I am wrong and so on… what do I do?
Post # 2
generally, you’re right. People invited to the shower should be invited to the wedding. There are exceptions to this – often co-workers will throw a shower with no expectation of an invite.
My concern is that friends of your mom would likely anticipate an invite.
Is there anyway you can talk to your mom or get your BMs to try and talk to her about reducing the guest list?
Post # 3
You are correct that it is general etiquette. There are however, many exceptions where people happily attend a shower knowing they will not be invited to the wedding. My Mom’s friends hosted a shower for me in my old home town, as they wanted to celebrate with my Mom. All of these women had lived in the same neighbourhood for years and wateched us all grow up.
My ex’s mother also hosted a shower to which she invited her close friends, family and church members, many of which were not invited to the wedding and knew that.
I think the difference also is that my Mom wasn’t hosting the shower. I know it has become more common for moms to do so, but it’s still not acceptable in my circle.
Post # 4
you’re right, it is typically expected that if you attend the shower then you attend the wedding. Maybe if your mom is extremely stubborn you can just have a little speech prepared. Sometimes I’ve been to showers where the bride takes a moment to say thank you to everyone and make a small speech. So maybe you can say something like, “it means so much to me that all of you are here today to celebrate my upcoming marriage. It makes me sad that due to the size of our venue we cannot have you all there that day. ..” so maybe it can be your disclaimer.