HELP! Bridesmaids don’t like dress color

posted 11 months ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I change the color?

    No, it's you're wedding! You already compromised a bit.

    Yes! (Explain Below)

    Other (Explain Below)

  • Post # 61
    Member
    1932 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

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    strawberrysakura :  Too many women ascribe pink to ‘traditional feminimity’ and feel they are taking a stand against it. Well, to do so is to make the statement that there is something inherently wrong with being ‘feminine’.

    You’re making assumptions here.  You have no idea why people hate that color unless you’re in all our heads which you’re not.

    Women ought to be embracing pink as a spectrum of womanhood, not fighting against it.  Ummm nope.  I’m the only one who gets to decide what I ought to embrace or not.  Its my right as a human.  

    You need to understand that we women are not homogenous in our beliefs, preferences and thoughts.  Its okay to not agree with each other because as humans we have different experiences.  Its NOT okay to try to force your personal beliefs onto other women simply because we all have vaginas.

    Post # 62
    Member
    1816 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    sablescorpion22 :  Wow. 

    First of all, I’m not making assumptions. It’s an easy google search to read numerous articles about women disliking the color pink because of what it stands for to them. 

    Second, I said embrace pink as a SPECTRUM of womanhood, in that some women are girly and some are not, and that’s ok. So apparently you are of the opinion that it’s not ok to support women of every type. 

    I’m pretty sure my ENTIRE COMMENT was about women not being homogenous in their beliefs, preferences, and thoughts, and that ought to be supported. That even if you don’t agree with someone – such as liking a particular color – there’s no reason to start bashing the color itself and frequent comments about how you HATE that color or certain people shouldn’t wear it. 

    Your comment was pretty rude and you obviously didn’t really read what I wrote. 

    Post # 63
    Member
    867 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2019

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    strawberrysakura :  For me my feelings on pink have nothing to do with how I feel about femininity. There are just certain colors I don’t find to be particularly flattering, in the same way that I wouldn’t want to wear an orange, or yellow dress.

    Post # 64
    Member
    1932 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I had problems with two specific points in your post.  Number one, you could read 10,000 articles on why people don’t like pink and you would STILL be making assumptions…because you are not in ALL of our heads so you don’t know people’s motivations or preferences.  Some people just don’t like pink because it simply doesn’t appeal to them and if they have a visceral reaction….so what?  Its not hurting, denigrating or shaming any person who DOES like that color.

    Number two.  You’re not the boss of anyone on the planet (maybe your children if you have any) to be saying what they SHOULD be doing.  You can only do that for yourself.

    My point is you have your own point of view and that’s fine.  However, we don’t all share that same point of view and that’s okay also.  

    I think its pretty rude to tell women what they SHOULD be thinking, embracing or believing simply because YOU think its what we should be doing.

    People have different opinions and its okay….lets embrace that.  Now I’m being repetitive but its important.

    I don’t want to derail this thread any longer so I’m done. 

    Post # 65
    Member
    1599 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    I would be curious to see what “candy pink” looks like 

    Post # 66
    Member
    1816 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    sablescorpion22 :  Please point out where I said what people SHOULD be thinking. I said specifically that some people truly dislike the color, but I also said that a lot of people dislike the color because of what it represents. Again, you aren’t reading what I wrote. I did mention that pink should be embraced as a spectrum of womanhood IF your primary reacton to dislike it is what it represents. If pink = girly to you, to dislike pink because of that is to set forth the notion that being girly is wrong, and all types of feminimity should be respected, girly or no. 

    I wasn’t attacking ANYONE in my post, but you ARE specifically attacking me – why, I don’t know. If you want to disagree with something I ACTUALLY said, I am more than willing to apologize when I go wrong. But I refuse to be attacked because you lack reading comprehension skills, and decide to attribute attitudes and words that directly contridict what I actually said. 

    Post # 67
    Member
    5919 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

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    strawberrysakura :   Please point out where I said what people SHOULD be thinking. 

    “Women ought to be embracing pink as a spectrum of womanhood, not fighting against it.”

    Sounds exactly like telling women what they SHOULD be thinking. 

    Post # 68
    Member
    1816 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    kelbrimale :  Yes, and I said that some people just don’t like the color. 

    Post # 69
    Member
    1816 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    zzar45 :  Again, IF the reason to dislike pink is because it stands for being compartmentalized as a gender. 

    I am primarily saying that there are different ways to be a woman and all should be embraced. But apparently that’s wrong? Seriously, what are people arguing against here, because SableScorpion seems to be saying..basically the same thing I said, but she doesn’t understand that my saying that being girly (often represented by the color pink) is a type of feminimity that is still worthy of respect. 

    Post # 70
    Member
    5919 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    strawberrysakura :  I am primarily saying that there are different ways to be a woman and all should be embraced. But apparently that’s wrong? 

    Because that isn’t what you said, you came into the thread spouting that you are bothered by women who hate pink and how women need to embrace it, as though women who don’t are in the wrong. 

    Literally one said there wasn’t different ways to be a women, that is the whole issue people have with your post.  You brought it up from nowhere in the first place by assigning a false reason to why some women might not enjoy wearing a pink bridesmaid dress.  

    No one said being girly or liking pink isn’t worthy of respect, where are you even getting this? 

    Post # 71
    Member
    1816 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Pink is just a color. The same as orange or black or purple. Any person can dislike a color, but the color pink tends to get a strong reaction from women. That makes sense – pink has been a symbol of ‘what women should be’. It’s been added to all the girly things that women should want. It’s been added to items marketed specifically to women. It’s been pushed and pushed on women, as though every girl were the same. There has been a lot of pushback against the color, which is right. Some people don’t like pink! Some people like it ok but hate what it represents. It is just a color but it tends to represent, through years of socialization, more than just a color to many women. There is pushback against that, pushback against many traditionally feminine things, which is right and good. The issue though is that if we are going to say that there’s no one right way to be a woman, than there needs to be a place for the traditionally feminine woman who loves girly things. So for the subset of women who dislike pink because of what it represents – and having been part of many feminist groups I know for a fact that there are a LOT of women out there who dislike pink for this very reason – while I understand the reasons it’s important to allow for women to be who they are, even if it does seem to be a gender stereotype. If you just don’t like pink because you dislike the color, then obviously you aren’t part of that subset and it doesn’t apply to you. And I allowed for that in my original post. 

    Post # 72
    Member
    1932 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I’m not attacking you I’m disagreeing with you.  There’s a difference.  I apologize if you view it that way but unless I call you out your name its not an attack.  That said, this isn’t about supporting or not supporting women, what’s girly and what isn’t.  Its about the assertion that women in general should support the same things when the reality is women simply don’t agree on the same things. 

    Meaning it gets my hackles up when someone tells me what I “ought” to be doing/thinking/embracing simply because they believe that’s what should happen.  

    I make my own decisions on what I embrace…no one else and that should be for every person on the planet.  This was my entire point.

    Post # 73
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

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    strawberrysakura :  I think you’re making a looooot of assumptions here.  First, no one, unless I missed it, said that they dislike the color pink because it’s considered too “girly” or feminine or because it embodied a specific gender stereotype.  In fact, the vast majority of responses pointed out other shades of pink that are more flattering and less in your face.  I’m not a huge fan of pink, not because of what it “represents” but because there’s other colors I prefer.  Yet I had blush bridesmaid dresses (they actually picked out the color).

    OP, you have to realize as the bride you’re not going to make everyone happy.  Unless you’re doing something completely egregious, most people aren’t going to tell you to your face.  That goes with the territory of planning a wedding.  A lot of women have very specific visions of what they want for their wedding (I was not one of them) and I’m not disrespecting anyone that feels that way.  One of my best friends had an entire Disney wedding.  It wasn’t my thing, but her wedding, her choices.  I bought a dress for her wedding that I disliked.  I chalked it up to being a bridesmaid and that’s what you do sometimes.  I think she was hurt when she found out I donated it shortly thereafter, but that’s life. 

    While I’m not crazy about the candy pink color, if this is what you’ve always dreamt about, then go for it.  Just make sure you keep the dresses on the inexpensive side.  There’s nothing worse then spending a ton of money on a really ugly dress.

    Post # 74
    Member
    1816 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    zzar45 :  That’s a very shallow interpretation of what I said. 

    Post # 75
    Member
    1816 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    sablescorpion22 :  I think you really read into a lot of things that just weren’t there. If you are going to take the phrase, “women ought to be supporting each other no matter what their preferences are” and tell me that YOU don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, that’s fine, but I think your post – which I do think was rude and accusatory – was taking things way out of hand. 

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