help!!!! bridesmaids etiquette

posted 2 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
2800 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I’d thank her for offering to help but let her know you’ve got everything covered, I would just ignore the dress questions.

Maybe your fiance should talk to the best man to see if she really thinks she’s included in the bridal party, and your fiancé can let him know she’s not.

cbarron30 :  

Post # 3
883 posts
Busy bee

I would just tell her that you are not sure what color you are doing yet. Some people like to dress to match the colors of the wedding/bridal party. This way, you aren’t assuming anything… but obviously if she follows up with, “let me know so I can get my bridesmaid dress!” you can set her straight there.

It seems awfully presumptuous of her that she would assume she’s invited in the first place…

Post # 4
4811 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

The message is from your fiancés best man? Or his girlfriend?

If he has a female best man I don’t think she assumes she would be a bridesmaid, but that you might have more of a say in what she wears than your fiancé. 

Post # 7
964 posts
Busy bee

I think you are correct. It looks like she as assumed that she is a bridesmaid.

I would promptly reply with something like “Thank you so much for your warm wishes and congratulations. Your kind offer of help is also very much appreciated but will not be needed. My sisters and daughters are so excited to be my choice for my bridesmaids and have promised to be there for me if I require it so all bases are covered. We really look forward to attending the wedding as our most welcome guest.”

Post # 9
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I thought from your OP that his best “man” was a woman and she was mesagimes you assuming she would be wearing the same thing as the bridesmaids. 

But from your update it sounds like she is the wife of the best man and not actually involved at all? But for some reason she assumes she is in the bridal party? 

I’d probably just play dumb with it and respond with something about how you guys haven’t figured out what the guys are wearing yet but her husband should ask FH about it. Ignore her assumption entirely and hope she realizes her mistake and drops it. 

If she pushes the issue I’d tell her that in your circle, people choose their nearest and dearest as their wedding party as individuals, not as couples, and you hope she has a nice time at the wedding as a guest. 

Post # 12
11450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I’d interpret that as her assuming she is in the bridal party which is quite presumptuous and or clueless on her part. Just thank her for her offer of help and say everything is covered. You can play dumb and add that you will be consulting with your daughters and sisters about their bridesmaid dresses. 

Post # 14
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

I would just assume she wants to find a dress in the wedding colors to match her husband.  I don’t think she is assuming she is a bridesmaid at all. 

Post # 15
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I think the reason for the confusion is your original post says the message was from the “best man to be”, so I also thought it was from your fiance’s Future best (wo)man. You might wanna edit it for clarification!

Now that I read the other responses and understand, I agree that she might simply want to coordinate with the bridal party in some way. I’d probably respond with something like (this is gonna sound awful and forced but I hope you get the vibe I mean haha) “Thanks so much for reaching out, I’ll definitely let you know if we need any help! My bridesmaids and I are still figuring out what colors they’re going to wear… so many great options out there! I’ll let you know once we figure something out” or something lame but that casually makes it clear that she isn’t a bridesmaid (in case she’s confused about that), if that makes any sense. But not doing it in a way that seems like it’s accusing her of wanting to be one either, since she really might just be looking to match her husband. Just covering yourself in case!

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