Post # 16
Just be clear and super nice about it.
“Thank you! We are very excited and you are kind to offer to help. I will let you know if there is anything we need. My three daughters and 4 sisters are my bridesmaids and I haven’t figured out dresses for them as yet. I am sure (your fiance’s name) will be in touch with (her husband) about the groomsmen’s attire soon. Guests can choose whatever works for them, it will be semi formal cocktail attire, so feel free to wear whatever you would like. Can’t wait to celebrate with you guys.
Hopefully that message points out that she isn’t in the bridal party, but in a way that is super nice and vague enough that it doesn’t necessarily look like you are even really aware she thought she was going to be a bridesmaid. That response kinda just looks like you thought she was just asking about the dress colors out of curiosity, and then puts her in the guest category. It also reminds her that your fiance will be working directly with her husband on his outfit and that is between them.
Post # 17
I don’t think she’s assuming that she’s a bridesmaid. She probably wants to make sure that she doesn’t wear the same color as your bridesmaids. And it is nice of her to offer to help. I will say that it’s odd she asked about whether there is a specific dress.
Post # 18
whether that’s the right approach or not would really depend on this woman’s personality. If she is the type that OP suspects might show up at the wedding wearing the same dress as the bridesmaids, I’d steer clear of telling her anything. It seems weird to me that someone who isn’t in the wedding party would want to coordinate their outfit with the wedding party. Is that a normal thing in some circles? I’ve never seen anyone do that and it would weird me out if anyone did.
Post # 19
Maybe not the wedding party itself, but coordinating with your date is something that I see a lot. My fiancé and I try to coordinate when we go to formal events, and when he was a groomsmen in his best friend’s wedding, I wore a blue dress so I could coordinate with his blue tie (and no, my dress was nothing like the bridesmaids’!) My fiance’s Best man’s wife is also choosing her dress so that she will coordinate with what her husband is wearing, and I don’t have a problem with that.
I guess that in this case, the asking about the bridesmaids’ colors specifically IS a little odd. If she wants to coordinate with her husband, you’d think she would ask instead about groomsmen attire. So that aspect is a good point!
Post # 20
I don’t think she’s assuming she’s in the wedding, and I think it’s a bit rude to assume she’s assuming. It’s likely just so she either a)doesnt wear the same color as the bridesmaids, 2) wants to match her husband or wear a coordinating color, or c) is just making wedding discussion. I had a few people ask me our colors and never once assumed they were thinking they were in the wedding lol.
I would just respond and say you haven’t decided on colors or anything yet, thank her for her well wishes and move on.