(Closed) Help! Budget Blowout w/ MOB & FI….

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

This is a toughie!

I would sit down w/ your Fiance and have a one time talk (that way the money talk isn’t being brought up again and again) and come up with a clear plan. Make sure you don’t leave this dicussion w/o both being on the same page and commited to your plan. I would have spreadsheets of your budget and just sit and hash out what can be scaled back, or how much you are going to pull out of savings. This decision needs to be yours & your FI’s, you can then involve your mom after the fact.

You are right, if you decide to use your money, your mother needs to respect that. So I would suggest having a discussion w/ your mom, just the two of you (leave your Fiance at home.) to que her in to what you as a couple have decided.

Post # 4
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would tell Fiance if your parents want them then they pay for them. That’s it.

Post # 6
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would also hate to use my savings.  But it seems like this is the one thing that is very important to your FH, and that you can afford to pay for the extra guests.  Regardless, I think it’s out of line that your mom is threatening not to help at all if you invite and pay for these guests, and you should talk to her about it.

Post # 7
Member
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@SuperShopper:

I don’t know your situation much -as far as your venue, type of wedding, but I did see that you are doing some DIY things.  I am assuming you already have your venue.  Can you give us more information about your wedding, what you already have booked, so that we can give you some advice.  Without knowing more, could you have a different type of plan for your food?-If you were doing plated, could you have a buffet?  If you were going with a buffet, could you do stations or hors duoeves?

Post # 8
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Since it seems like your Fiance (and not just his parents) want to have his whole family there, I would just go ahead and contribute the extra $3k rather than aruge about it. You are adults and you can spend your money how you want.

That’s sweet that your mom doesn’t want you to have to spend it, but the reality is you don’t have to spend it, but if you do it’s a choice that you make because you want FI’s family (who will be your family, no matter how far removed) to be there. Your mom should respect your wishes. Just because she is contributing doesn’t mean she should get to tell you what to do with your money. As long as you guys can afford it without going into debt, that seems like the most reasonable solution, and the fastest way for you to get out of the middle.

Post # 9
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

After seeing your second post, I completely agree w/ CurlyDreamer no matter what your mom’s opinions are about the money, it is your money to spend as you wish.   

Post # 10
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I am just assuming by the fact that SuperShopper mentioned the savings is mostly her money, that she also has an issue spending it. Am I correct in that assumption? Don’t feel bad for saying it. I’m sure lots of us would understand.

Post # 12
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think your Fiance not being good with finances is a problem.  It seems like he doesn’t really understand the whole cause and effect thing with money.

Do you have a spreadsheet with the cost/ person of food, etc.  Can you sit down and go over with him specifically how much everything costs per person and the overall amount that will be spent if your guest list is 300 vs 400 vs 500.  Then compare that to stuff you buy regularly- say, ‘we can have 500 people at our wedding, but it will mean that we won’t be able to buy the new TV for awhile, or take the trip to Europe for awhile, (whatever it is that you like to spend money on).  Is that worth it”  If you both agree that its worth it, go for it, if it isn’t, he has to figure out a way to cut his guest list.  You should probably also figure out an amount that you want to keep in savings that you agree not to touch for the wedding under any circumstances.  Its not worth it to go into bancrupcy because you spent all your savings and something came up that you didn’t anticipate.

 

Good luck!

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