(Closed) Help!!! Can we not invite half of a couple? (small rant)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do?
    Invite her. It is not worth the effort/risk : (21 votes)
    50 %
    Don't invite her by politely talking to the groom's friend : (14 votes)
    33 %
    Other : (7 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

    What are you doing with your other non-married guests? If no one else gets to invite someone who they aren’t married/engaged to, I think you have a pretty good out. If others get to invite long-time gf/bfs, I think you’d have a hard time explaining it and not hurting FI’s friend.

    Post # 4
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Yikes – that’s awful.  Sorry that you have to deal with that!  I don’t think you can get around inviting her since she’s a long term girlfriend.  What I would do instead, is ask your fiance to speak with his friend about the Girlfriend.  Ask them to have a realistic conversation about the appropriateness of her behaviour and whether or not she can behave herself for the wedding.Have your fiance stress to his friend that any outbursts will have a huge negative impact on your day.

    Then – if they insist that she come, assign one of your bridesmaids or groomsmen to be “responsible” for her (or better yet – her BOYFRIEND) to manage her if she gets out of hand. 

    Or – you could go the budget route and say that you can’t afford to invite peoples’ +1s, but this will only work if they don’t find out that you’re inviting other peoples’ dates.

    Good luck!!

    Post # 5
    1235 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @jules24chi: I think it would be rude/offensive/damaging to not invite her. Though, if you are having an open bar, I would speak to the bartender about cutting people off after a few drinks. 

    Post # 6
    1763 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    She seems like the type who will make a big stink about it if she’s not invited. I completely agree that you should be able to decide who comes to your wedding, but I think if you want the friend to come you might have to invite her. If you do I would try to have you Fiance talk to his friend about keeping her sober.

    Post # 7
    2701 posts
    Sugar bee

    I agree with the suggestion about having Fiance talk to his friend about her behavior. If anything arises, she can be asked to leave. Sorry you’re in this pickle.. it’s a toughie.

    Post # 8
    377 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    As bellagio said it depends on what you are doing for others. If others get a guest then trying to deliberately not invite this girl is going to make the friend of the groom upset. If you want to keep him as a friend and avoid drama with him you just have to do it. Do you have any other friends who know about her behaviour at other weddings? You could ask them to please help monitor her behaviour in order to help you avoid a headache.

    Post # 9
    126 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I would address the invitation to only him and have 1 reserved spot listed for him on the response card as well. This way he knows it is only for him. If he is pretty laid back, I would also address him prior stating you would like for things to go as smoothly as possible and to respect your choice, being that it is your day and you want to be as stress free as possible. Hope this helps.

    Post # 9
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    You can do whatever you want. Maybe you can send an invite to just him,and then explain in detail in person why you just put his name on it, and that he can bring someone else but not her. It just really depends on how close you are to him. Or just invite him only without a guest

    Post # 10
    197 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    We have a possible Jerry Springer type situation that could happen at our wedding.  FH’s coworker (We’ll call him John) has a long time girlfriend (we’ll call her Jane).  A few months ago John got another girl pregnant (we’ll call her Susan).  Now, Susan is my friend and all 3 people were invited to the wedding (invitations went out before we knew about the baby drama).  There is so much drama going on that it’s getting rediculous.  I put my foot down the other day and told John that of course he & Jane (who are still together) were invited to the wedding and we’d love to have them there BUT if that Jane needed to understand that Susan would also be there.  If Jane did not feel that she could control her emotions and therefore shouldn’t come, I would understand.  However, if Jane does decide to come she will act appropriately.  Their drama is not going to spread out onto my wedding/reception.  There will be no dirty looks, no snide comments, nothing.  I will not hesitate to have anyone involved removed from the venue.

    The point to my long story is, if you invite her feel free to put your foot down and let them know that anyone who acts out will be shown the door.

    Post # 11
    5823 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Honestly I think you should just not invite HIM.  Have your Fiance explain to him that you are both uncomfortable with inviting both of them and that you would love to invite him to share your day, but that due to past behavior, his Girlfriend is not welcome.  Let HIM be the one to say “Well then just invite me and not her” or “Well that sucks, if she can’t be there I won’t either.”  Let the ball be in his court for whether or not this ball and chain is going to prevent him from participating in your lives.

    Darling Husband and I have a very good friend whose Girlfriend we despise.  We have discussed it with him at length, and he is well aware that anytime we invite him, we are NOT inviting her.  He understands (she’s a real B

    ) and just comes without her.  I have no idea how he justifies it to her or why he’s even still dating her, but that’s not my business.  She is someone we don’t want in our lives and we’ve had to make that clear with Friend.  (Which is sad because he’s so nice!)

    Post # 12
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    If you are giving other long-term relationships a +1, then IMO you have to give this friend a +1 too (no matter what you think of his gf).

    And once you give someone a +1, unfortunately you don’t get a say in who that +1 is.

    Post # 13
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    How does her boyfriend react when she behaves this way…i suggest you and your Fiance go out with him or invite him over and sit and talk to him about the situation…he might be looking for a way out of bringing her

    Post # 15
    17 posts
    • Wedding: October 2011


    So, I voted for “Don’t invite her by politely talking to the groom’s friend : (8 votes)”, which I am very surprised to see isn’t the frontrunner, poll-wise. We’re brides! We all understand how caving to meet other peoples’ demands can ruin our special days, and if this is how everyone thinks you should do your wedding planning, and it’s how they’re doing theirs, then there are a bunch of (sadly) weak women frequenting these boards.

    Nip it in the bud; have your Fiance talk to the friend and politely but firmly tell him that, due to her past behavior, she is not invited to the wedding. Don’t let him waffle or budge, and don’t let the friend try to talk his way out of it. It’s your day, and you have not only the privelege, but responsibility, to make it the special day you want, which means only the guests that you actually want there.





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