(Closed) Help: cat vs. stepdaughter

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 76
726 posts
Busy bee

Kikibear:  Agreed. Though I’d suggest for the dad to talk to the ex, instead both of them. And make that the convo is about the girl: we have cats dander all over the house and not sure that even cleaning it thoroughly will clean it up 100 %. What about give her shot (apart of cleaning religiously) so that she didn’t suffer?

Post # 77
6 posts
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Local Rose Garden

SLOBee:  that was me. And yes I’m still torn over the idea.

Post # 78
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

What if your husband had a pet that made your son severely allergic and uncomfortable? I think you are being very selfish and unreasonable here..

Post # 79
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

For some of us, allergy meds don’t work and shots don’t work – meaning, they don’t get rid of the symptoms completely. Exposure to cats means misery for me, even though I love them. I don’t even need to be in the room with the cat, if I so much as sit on a soft surface where the cat has sat at some point, my throat starts to close up, even if I’d taken a Benadryl. Not being able to breathe properly is terrifying. I know even the thought must be heartbreaking, but I think OP knows what she needs to do and is just delaying the inevitable. Time to reach out to friends and loved ones to see whether they can accommodate your kitty.  

Post # 80
49 posts

People grow out of (and into) allergies all the time. I grew up with a fatal allergy to peanuts.. carried epi pens everywhere etc…

Then, around age 12 … I GREW OUT OF IT.

This ALSO happened to a friend of mine with walnuts, her allergy disappeared in her early twenties.

Nowadays they’re even dosing kids with small amounts of nuts to encourage whatever process helps them overcome the allergy. This is literally a clinical treatment for anaphalactic allergies.

Pretty hilarious that you people don’t realize that a skin allergy is muchhh less harmful than an allergy that causes a throat to close up.. And if people are willing to dose their kids with peanuts, maybe it is not so radical to think of easing a cat onto a child with a cat allergy.

Post # 81
61 posts
Worker bee

if you do end up having to rehome her and you can’t get family/friend to do it. take her to a rescue rather than a shelter! that way she would at least be in a foster home rather than a small cage and there wouldm’t be the possibility of her being put down

Post # 82
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Beegritte:  I second this idea!!!

could even be a sphinx! 🐱🐱🐱 They are hairless! Or a pup thats allergies proven!!!

Best of luck OP! We have 3 kitties (one for each kid) and my hubs mastiff! Plus we are also a blended family. It’s hard! However kudos to you! I love your atitude towards the situation and it is very obvious that you do want your new step daughter to feel “at home” in her new home! 

Post # 83
13684 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If it were me, I’d rehome the cat.  Your step daughter is adjusting to a whole new set of circumstances, and making her have physical reactions from an allergy isn’t going to help that adjustment. 

It sucks, but I’d make the wellbeing of my new stepdaughter a priority.

Post # 84
9578 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

definitely rehome the daughter!  You had the cat first.


(But seriously, why does this thread even exist?)

Post # 85
576 posts
Busy bee

What would you do if this was your son? 

Post # 87
1011 posts
Bumble bee

btob17:  I have to agree with this… I’ve had dogs all my life, have 4 currently, and when I was allergy tested, I’m allergic to cats AND dogs, but was told that being exposed to dogs all my life (mine and family members) I don’t react anymore, and while I still get stopped up and my eyes water around cats, the more I’m around them, the less I react. 

In theory of animal dander, a person who is allergic would be unable to be around anyone who was around olne who carried the dander on their clothes and then were exposed to the person (such as a young child being allergic, and then being cared for someone who has animals and has the animals on them and carries the hair and then the child is exposed). Obviously I’m not a doctor or allergist, but then, thats why I used it as a theory, because I know someone will try to tell me how stupid I am. 

Back to my cat allergy… like I said, they make me sneeze, I get stopped up, my eyes water, I breakout, but once nannied for a family with cats. I needed the money… and obviously couldnt ask them to get rid of them, so I never mentioned it and made the best of it. 

I can’t tell anyone what to do, as everyone has their own opinions on what they would/wouldn’t do in ANY situation, but I just wanted to share a personal story. 

Post # 88
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

btob17:  I got my cat at 6 and my allergies got worse for EIGHT years at 14 we gave it up but it was too late and I was so deathly ill from asthma and now my allergies to cats are so severe that even sitting next to someone with cat dander on their jumper puts me in hospital. I had a cat for half it’s life and never adjusted so unless you are an allergy professional statements like that are dangerous. 

Also yes I did the shots for two years! It did Nothing for me at all. They are not a miracle cure for bad allergies they just might make it slightly better to tolerate cats for 5mins if you are visiting someone. Not every day for the rest of your life.

that poor little girl. My heart breaks as I know how shit she must feel. Wish I could help her.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  bubbycakes.
Post # 89
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Probably not the popular thought on here, but honestly even if the kid doesn’t like shots (honestly, what kid does?), I would still at least try them to see if they worked before I would ever rehome a pet I had before a relationship. If the shots did not fix the situation, then obviuosly kitty would have to live with a friend or family member. However, personally I wouldn’t go that route without even trying the shot method. The thing is it’s not some super out-there unlikely to work method, actually my alergist told me it works over 80% of the time for cat allergies, it’s very effective. 

The child already gets shots I’m sure at regular drs apts, and (IMO) isn’t going to be traumtized at that age by having a few. I understand no one likes shots, but if her allergies are that bad I would think she probably even has issues going over friend’s houses who also have cats, or being in close contact with people who have pet ander on their clothes. There’s resonable success actually in the shots eventually making someone eventually not have these syptoms at all (long after the shots stop being administered). Doing the shots may not just be a good thing for your cat currently, but also a quality of life thing of the child overall if she gets over the allergy going forward. How much nicer for her to be able to go to sleepovers at friends and stuff without having to decline because their cat would give her hives. 

IMO definately would be trying the shots both for the child’s sake and the cats in the long run. Only if that proved ineffective would I be rehoming permentately (in the meantime of starting the shots perhaps kitty should temp. go soemwhere until the treatment is far enough along to actually start having an effect).

Post # 90
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

bubbycakes:  Sorry the shots didn’t work for you :/ However it’s not correct to say they can’t be a cure for bad allergies. For some people they work wayyyy better than they did for you. Both my mom (from childhood through teens), as well as my cousin (currently) had extremely bad pet alergies and it completely elimnated them for both of them, to the point where each of them live with 2 cats now. Everyone is different, some people can get the shots and benifit greatly from that type of treatment. The best person to determine that is an actual allergist. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  mssoontobe.

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