Post # 1
Hello ahead of time I wanna thank anyone who take the time to read my post and has a bit of help for me , Well I have officially started my planing my FI and I decided to Have a Religious ceremony and I have been reading and also hearing from lots of people Horror stories when it comes to Catholic Weddings. I already started my research and I found My Diosis and the rules they have which are meeting with a church cordinator, putting a deposit on the church for the date I requested, setting a Date to speak with the priest, making another appointment to go back My Fiance and I and take a compability Test and wait a couple of weeks to hear from them for the results then start with a series of pre marrige counciling and then some type of weeked premarrige convention. Ok now my question is what to expect with the meeting with the priest is he gonna ask some akward thing in our relationship and are our answers gonna affest if he marries us?, and the compability test what can I expecte seriosly am fraking out cus someone told me they ask us about our sexual life and am really worried there seriously HELP what can I expect
Post # 3
I think they’ve gotten nicer lately, not sure why but that’s my take. Obviously you are going to get asked if you live together, if you plan to raise your children catholic, the weekend thing can be done online or in Santa Barbara (how easy is that?)
If you are nervous you can calm the situation by saying something like, as you can understand this is important to us so obviously we’re going to be nervous…this way you will enlist the priest to help you not be nervous. Its all ok, really. Also so much of it is broken up, likely the person you meet with wont do the ceremony, someone else will answer all questions about music, bells, bare shoulders… and if it seems he’s a grumpy sort, pick someone else! Good Luck
Post # 4
Don’t be worried! The compatability test is not really a test you have to “pass” it’s just a springboard for discussion. If you and your fiance give different answers for financial questions, for instance, that’s an indicator you need to talk about that.
It’s important to be honest with the priest about your sex life because there are different questions for people who are living together for example. The priest will not get into a huff about it. The goal here is to prepare you for marriage. He can’t do that very well for you if you aren’t honest with him.
We did not have a weekend retreat, we did a day-long pre-cana and it was very romantic and wonderful! There was a fabulous dinner at the end of it. It was a lot of talking, asking questions and I never would have believed it, but it was fun!
Post # 5
Sorry if this is a little long
I too was really worried since I was not raised catholic and I started reading all sorts of things that I thought I’d have to do which just made it worse. I was afraid the priest was going to say we shouldn’t be together, tell me my religion is bad, tell us our kids must be raised catholic, etc.
So far I’ve been completely wrong. The priest has been wonderful so far and very helpful. We have met with him a few times and have one more meeting to go. He has not made it awkward at all and has actually poked fun at some of the videos he has to show us. I was really bothered that my Fiance had to sign a paper stating “I promise to do all in my power to share the faith I have received with our children by having them baptized and reared as Catholics.” I told the priest why I was bothered by it and he told me the way he interperets it is that Fiance will do all he can to raise the children as christians while respecting his partner.
He has not asked if we live together, how we plan on raising children, if we are sexualy active but has only pointed out why he thinks its important not to have sex or live together prior and that he believes it is important that we agree on the harder things like how to raise children. The compatibility test was only to see if we agreed on bigger issues and the priest only pointed out like 3 questions out of a few that didnt match and just asked that we discuss it on our free time because he believed it was important for us to understand.
We are just doing a few meetings with the priest to do the premarital counseling and therefore do not have to do a weekend trip. To my knowlege you only need to do one or the other.
My advice is to stop searching the internet for information cause it will not help in the long run and if anything it worries you more. Just relax and its not nearly as bad as it sounds. I hope it goes as well for you as it has for me.
Post # 6
THANX EVERYONE I AM BETTER NOW AFTER READING YOUR REPLYS, I WILL RELAX NOW THAT I KNOW MORE ABOUT HOW IT GOES THANX AGAIN
Post # 7
The priest will ask you “are you being forced into this marriage?” “have you ever been a nun?” etc. These questions were a little weird, but not really uncomfortable. My priest just read them quickly off a list. They HAVE to ask these questions. The “sexual” questions will be on the compatibility test and those questions are to address things like if you feel uncomfortable sexually with your future spouse, you should address that before the wedding. Don’t freak out about your answers! Your priest will not deny your marriage based on your answers! The compatibility test is just a tool to address financial issues, personality issues, family issues, and yes, sexual issues that might come up in the marriage based on your answers. It’s to promote discussion, not deny marriage. The only answer that will “prevent” you to get married is if you answer “yes” to the question “are you currently married to someone else?” and then all you have to do is get an annulment.
Post # 8
I was worried. I’m not Catholic and thought it would be hard.
We didn’t have to do any tests and our course was a Friday evening and half a Saturday. It consisted of watching videos and then being sent into a room on our own to discuss/read chapters of our book.
We met with the priest once (October) and then he asked us to come back a few months later (Feb?) to finalize the details and finish the paperwork.
It was really easy actually.