help -caught hiding therapy from SO

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Forgive me for being blunt. He said it is over and for you not to come home because you went to therapy? Why would you want to fix this? 

Post # 3
Member
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

What about the situation makes him so angry? If you feel that therapy is the best option for your wellbeing, and he can’t be supportive of that, then in my opinion there is nothing here worth fixing. 

Post # 4
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Ummmm he sounds abusive (lots of speculating I know, but I’m being honest). Why would he care if you went to counseling? I’m worried that you felt the need to hide this in the first place. He screams at you, you fight and are conflicted a lot (to the point of needing therapy to deal with it), you feel like you need to hide going to said therapy, he threatens to leave you, he says thing like “I’m furious, you shouldn’t come home at all or nothing good will come of it!??… what does that even mean? I’d run. Far, far away from this unhealthy relationship. And never look back. 

Post # 5
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, but I have to agree with PP’s: there is nothing here to fix. I sound like a broken record in these threads but will say it again: your partner/relationship should be a source of stability, strength, and comfort in your life, not a source of constant pain. 

Be thankful he showed his true colors before you got married, and disentangle yourself from this hot mess of an individual while you still can. 

Post # 6
Member
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Why would you want to be with someone who gets angry for you bettering yourself? This doesn’t sound like it’s worth fixing. 

Post # 7
Member
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Hell no. If your partner is not supportive of you taking care of yourself mentally and emotionally, and in fact reacts with rage against it, he is not the partner for you. I actually consider an unwillingness to go to couples therapy a dealbreaker.

The way he is trying to control your ability to take care of your own mental and emotional health, and is not punishing you for it, sounds, quite frankly, emotionally and verbally abusive. 

The way to “fix this” is to end things and move on without him. Keep going to therapy.

Post # 8
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee

Why is he so mad at you? Is it the cost? Or does he think you should always do what he says?

You were going to therapy to try to save your relationship, bit it doesn’t sound like it’s worth saving.

Post # 10
Member
3446 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I know it’s so much easier said than done, but drop him. Drop him fast. You can’t make him go to counseling (although it sounds like your relationship can benefit from it) but under no circumstance is it okay for him to get mad at you for going on your own. The fact that you even had to hide the fact that you were going is ridiculous. I don’t know how a relationship can continue when he wants to deny you access to any sort of support system; because he gets mad if you talk to friends and mad if you go to therapy, and he clearly is not functioning as a support system himself, so what are you left with?

Post # 11
Member
4830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

vsrd :   You have every right to care for your own emotional and physical health.

You have every right to privacy.

He has no right to emotional and verbal abuse.

Post # 12
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

He sounds so controlling. Saying he can’t trust you anymore because you went to therapy – wtf. I am also not buying the “trigger” issue from his childhood–that sounds like one more excuse to make you feel even more guilty. “I cant trust you cause you did this, now you’re traumatizing me all over again because I was forced into therapy as a kid!” etc – just no, none of this is healthy or normal. He needs to take responsibility for his own shit, not blame you.

No doubt he has issues, but he needs to deal with them in a productive way, not lash out in rage at you because you’re so overwhelmed with the tension in your relationship that you decided to seek help from a professional about it.

Post # 13
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Honey, cut it off and run. This is not healthy.

Post # 14
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee

Yup, I would get out of this relationship. Even if HE doesn’t want to go for therapy, he doesn’t have the right to tell you that YOU shouldn’t go.

I am wondering what else he would be pissed about you doing on your own. going to church? going out with a girlfriend? spending your money on things HE didn’t think were necessary? I would get outta there quick!

Post # 15
Member
3903 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Either you guys go to thereapy together to fix this or go your separate ways.

 

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