Post # 46
At the risk of being harsh, which I really don’t intend to be, you need to grow a backbone. I spent a solid chunk of my young adult life without one so I can feel your pain, it’s a tough world out there. I say this because there’s only one way he could feel his trust was compromised and that’s if he said “I don’t want you going to therapy” and you said “ok….” insert sad puppy face here. Why would you agree to that??
Seriously girl, forget him for a second and focus on you. Why have you given your partner control over this aspect of your life? It doesn’t concern him. Compromise is a lovely thing but compromise refers to mutual decision making when the decision affects both parties. Your SO has no say over when you go to the bathroom, what you eat for lunch, whether you go to therapy, etc. Don’t give up your autonomy.
Post # 47
Don’t know why I’m updating but here it goes.
Things took a very strange twist. Last night he broke it off with me. He said he knows he overreacted on Saturday and that he shouldn’t have lashed out as he did but added the he just can’t look at me without seeing a liar.
It was honestly absurd; I didn’t even know how to react. A part of me was thinking it’s just a badly executed scare tactic but I think he actually means it.
I said I realize I should have brought the matter sooner but that I’m not going to apologize about the therapy thing, that I thought and still think it’s what I need and that me going to counseling is not against him or us, it’s for me.
He kept saying he just doesn’t trust me anymore, that if I can walk around for weeks on end and say nothing about the matter then who knows what else I might be hiding, or will hide in the future.
We had a long texting session today, we pretty much repeated ourselves.
I’m just finishing at work and the idea of going home is weird. I don’t even feel like it’s home since it’s “our” home and there is no “us” anymore.
I don’t really feel anything, I mean, I cried a little last night but I’m mostly shocked. I buried myself at work today and basically ignored it.
Post # 48
vsrd : Thank you for the update, I have been thinking of you. You are far better off without someone who cannot allow you to take care of your emotional health, in a way you feel is appropriate.
Wishing you all the best as you moving onward and upward!
Post # 49
I’m so sorry. It honestly sounds like your SO is a very troubled person–not really someone who is able to be a loving and supportive partner for you right now. I hope you’re doing okay. You deserve better than someone who guilt trips you for going to therapy.
Post # 50
vsrd : It sounds like your SO has a lot of things he needs to work through in order to be a trusting, loving, fair partner. You don’t need to battle with him anymore. He’s done you a favor, as hard as it may be to see. Stay strong!
Post # 51
Im totally shocked. We’ve been together for over three years, living together for two, and got engaged a year ago.
I know he sounds bad, but I only described a tiny part of him and us and I don’t feel that represents his true colours. He’s funny and smart, notices the small things that make me happy, always holds my hand when we’re walking down the street, very affectionate, a partner in cooking cleaning etc. I can honestly say he’s the reason I managed to improve my really bad sleeping habits, cause when we go to bed together and have great conversations and laugh about our day it’s fun to go to sleep. He knows I want to watch my weight and eat healthy so he never buys crap food at the supermarket. He is such a huge part of my life
Along with all of the great things about him I always knew he has issues with anxiety and self confidence that made him a bit controlling and we had numerous fights over it. I too have my share of problems, including some anger management, indecisiveness and more.
I just always thought that we can work. And actually so did he, but we didn’t really saw eye to eye on how to make it work
Since the engagement things all took a turn for the worst. I had some doubts and told him, it hurt him deeply. After that we started having more and more fights, everything was on a downward spiral.
Im sorry I’m writing scrolls here but I just can’t believe this is happening.
Im writing and finally the tears that were buried deep inside all day are coming out. And I can hear him in the bedroom and I just want to go in and hug him.
Post # 52
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like, though, that the break-up is the healthiest option for both of you. You and him are good people separately, but not for each other – at least now the way he is right now (i.e. being unsupportive of you being in therapy). Stay strong.
Post # 53
I’m sorry you are hurt and I understand. But please know that you will get over this and be much happier than the stress you’ve been under during this relationship. No partner has the right to tell you whether you can seek medical care of any kind that you deem appropriate. My guess is that he objects to your seeing a counselor because he is afraid that the advice you receive will be “against” him or that it would motivate you to speak up for yourself. You are better off now.