Post # 1
My fiance proposed a few weeks ago. Before he did, he went to my dad for his blessing. My dad was insisted that we wait to marry until I finish college, which will be in three years. My fiance agreed, but only because he was scared that if he did not my dad would not give hs blessing. My fiance and I both have our hearts set on a specific date in the spirng. The year I’d graduate would but this date right in conflict with both finals and my graduation. The following year, this date falls on a Tuesday and besides that, my grandparent and my fiance’s grandmother are all over the age of seventy-five and have health problems. Although I hate to say it, there is a likely chance of their passing in the next four years. For both of these reasons, I want to marry in 2015, two years from now. irst it will put my date on a Saturday and it will greatly increase the chances of both of our grandparents being able to attend. But it would also put the wedding one year before I graduate. My fiance is completely fne with this, especially becase he does not want to drag out the engagement. But how do I get my dad to see things our way and be ok with us getting married before I finish college? Also, how do I even appraoch him about this? He is a very stubborn man and has made up his mind on the matter, and I know he only wants to do what he thinks is best for us, especially since he still sees me as his little girl. And I want him to agree with us because I don’t want to put any conflict between my fiance and my dad if I change the date to 2015 without my dad’s ok.
Post # 3
@Kng2178: sit down with your dad and talk about all the things you mentioned above.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Wait the three years and use a different date. Sorry but I agree with your dad here.
Post # 5
Depends on if you want your dad’s blessing, as your Fiance did agree to his conditional blessing. Just sit down with him and explain to him, if you are ok getting married without your dad’s blessing go ahead and do it. But if you want his blessing perhaps stick with the original agreed timeline, 3 years isn’t that bad!
Post # 6
I’ll admit I’m not a lot of help but we had this exact issue. FH asked dad for permission and he said only after I graduate and FH agreed. I tried to push the date up to Spring before I graduate but he wouldn’t pay for college or the wedding if I did. You could at least bring it up and see what he says about it, or wait to bring it up since you still have a lot of time. If you don’t need his financial help it might be possible, but I know having his approval would still be nice.
Post # 7
If we stick with the original timeline, the engagemnt will be for four years, not three. My fiance does not want us to get married the year I graduate do to the stress I’ll have from finals and graduation.
Post # 8
I would talk to your dad about it and make it your issue, rather than your fiance’s, in order to not make it a conflict between your dad and your fiance. Explain to your dad about your granparents, finals, graduation, etc. Is your mom involved at all? What is her opinion, can she pull any strings for you? (When dad says no, mom always overrules him in my family!) Also, if you don’t mind my asking, how old are you? Because if you’re not a traditional college student I think that definitely helps your case, but if you are very young, I can understand your father’s reservations, people change a lot in college, and as horrible as it is for me to even suggest this, you may want to play it safe and wait until you are all done becoming who you are before you hitch yourself up with another person.
Post # 9
I also agree with your dad. My parents and FI’s parents are doing the same thing with us. I have a date set for 2015 (my graduation year), but, if I don’t graduate in time, I will be pushing the date forward to 2016.
I think your dad just wants to make sure you have an established degree before marriage. There have been times where I think that if I get married in 2015, I feel like school would take a back seat, when it really shouldn’t. And I never thought that I would think that way, but here I am.
Post # 10
I am 18, at the moment. I know some people who read this will say I am too young, need to be on my own first, or that we will both change. Yes, I know I am young, but I have always been considered mature for my age. I am not the type of person to make decisions lightly, and only make decisions if I am a hundred percent sure. My fiance is 19, and also very mature. We have been together for over four years now, since our freshman year of high school. As for living on my own first, I don’t like parties or anything like that, so marriage wouldn”t be holding me back. Anyways, if I ever do want to go to a party or anyhting, I always bring my fiance with me. Lastly, I know I will change and so will my fiance. Neither of us are whowe were when we started dating. The people we are now will change after we get married, but so what? people are constantly changing.
Post # 11
Your dad is absolutely right. Your education is priority over everything else, and that includes your fiance. If you get married before then, your wedding planning will interefere with your studies. There are a finite number of hours in a day, and splitting your focus will not be to your benefit.
As far as your grandparents go, I do understand – my dad is 83. There’s a significant chance he won’t be at my wedding in a year. But that’s part of life. Are you going to pop out a kid too in a year so they can see their grandchild before they pass? Of course not. You can’t plan your life around other people’s potential future deaths.
If it’s meant to be, then it’ll still be meant to be when you’ve graduated.
Post # 12
Finish your degree first. Then you can go into your marriage with that major accomplishment already under your belt.
Post # 13
Your wedding date will be significant because it is your wedding date, not because you had it on a Tuesday that is significant to you. Make it a date that is easier for people to come to. And stop looking to your parents for permission to do things – if you are ready to get married, you are ready to make your own choices!
Post # 14
I’ll just give you a heads up that you won’t like my post. Stepdd got married at 18, her Fiance was 19. They said EVERYTHING you are saying. EVERYTHING. They are divorced, and fortunately, had no kids.
We said everything your Dad is saying and the first thing she said to us when she told us she was getting a divorce is that “we were right.” We were right that they would change dramatically. We were right that they needed to live on their own first, pay their own bills first, travel first, graduate college first. What she was really shocked by was how much they changed.
Just because you have changed together so far does not in any way mean you will change well together in the next 3 or 4 years. You may easily become 2 different people with comepletely different goals than you have now. Happened to my stepdd.
Oh yeah, one more thing – it happened to me. This 53 yo MOB was once a 20 year old bride and said EVERYTHING you are saying now. And I moved into my own apartment 3 months after graduating high school and paid all my own bills. We lasted 8 years and I gave up my college education for him. My scholarships died when I got married.
You can’t predict what you have never experienced. Who is paying for your college and living expenses now? If it is your dad, will he continue to pay for college and your wedding?
I know you disagree with everything I have written here, but I was once in your shoes and I was fully independent and supporting myself. I know what I am talking about.
Post # 15
@Kng2178: You are too young to get married. I’d advise listening to your father.
Being on your own isn’t about being able to party – its about learning who you are as an independent, self-sufficient adult. You are saying everything every young bride has ever said and later realized was nonsense.