(Closed) Help changing parents' minds

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
8679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Kng2178:  sit down with your dad and talk about all the things you mentioned above.

 

Post # 4
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Wait the three years and use a different date.  Sorry but I agree with your dad here.

Post # 5
Member
9647 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Depends on if you want your dad’s blessing, as your Fiance did agree to his conditional blessing. Just sit down with him and explain to him, if you are ok getting married without your dad’s blessing go ahead and do it. But if you want his blessing perhaps stick with the original agreed timeline, 3 years isn’t that bad!

Post # 6
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’ll admit I’m not a lot of help but we had this exact issue. FH asked dad for permission and he said only after I graduate and FH agreed. I tried to push the date up to Spring before I graduate but he wouldn’t pay for college or the wedding if I did. You could at least bring it up and see what he says about it, or wait to bring it up since you still have a lot of time. If you don’t need his financial help it might be possible, but I know having his approval would still be nice. 

Post # 8
Member
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would talk to your dad about it and make it your issue, rather than your fiance’s, in order to not make it a conflict between your dad and your fiance. Explain to your dad about your granparents, finals, graduation, etc. Is your mom involved at all? What is her opinion, can she pull any strings for you? (When dad says no, mom always overrules him in my family!) Also, if you don’t mind my asking, how old are you? Because if you’re not a traditional college student I think that definitely helps your case, but if you are very young, I can understand your father’s reservations, people change a lot in college, and as horrible as it is for me to even suggest this, you may want to play it safe and wait until you are all done becoming who you are before you hitch yourself up with another person.

 

Post # 9
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@beachbride1216:  +1.

I also agree with your dad. My parents and FI’s parents are doing the same thing with us. I have a date set for 2015 (my graduation year), but, if I don’t graduate in time, I will be pushing the date forward to 2016.

I think your dad just wants to make sure you have an established degree before marriage. There have been times where I think that if I get married in 2015, I feel like school would take a back seat, when it really shouldn’t. And I never thought that I would think that way, but here I am.

Post # 11
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Your dad is absolutely right.  Your education is priority over everything else, and that includes your fiance.  If you get married before then, your wedding planning will interefere with your studies.  There are a finite number of hours in a day, and splitting your focus will not be to your benefit. 

As far as your grandparents go, I do understand – my dad is 83.  There’s a significant chance he won’t be at my wedding in a year.  But that’s part of life.  Are you going to pop out a kid too in a year so they can see their grandchild before they pass?  Of course not.  You can’t plan your life around other people’s potential future deaths. 

If it’s meant to be, then it’ll still be meant to be when you’ve graduated.

Post # 12
Member
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MariContrary:  +1

 

Finish your degree first. Then you can go into your marriage with that major accomplishment already under your belt.

Post # 13
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your wedding date will be significant because it is your wedding date, not because you had it on a Tuesday that is significant to you. Make it a date that is easier for people to come to. And stop looking to your parents for permission to do things – if you are ready to get married, you are ready to make your own choices!

Post # 14
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ll just give you a heads up that you won’t like my post.  Stepdd got married at 18, her Fiance was 19.  They said EVERYTHING you are saying.  EVERYTHING.  They are divorced, and fortunately, had no kids.

We said everything your Dad is saying and the first thing she said to us when she told us she was getting a divorce is that “we were right.”  We were right that they would change dramatically.  We were right that they needed to live on their own first, pay their own bills first, travel first, graduate college first.  What she was really shocked by was how much they changed.

Just because you have changed together so far does not in any way mean you will change well together in the next 3 or 4 years.  You may easily become 2 different people with comepletely different goals than you have now.  Happened to my stepdd.

Oh yeah, one more thing – it happened to me.  This 53 yo MOB was once a 20 year old bride and said EVERYTHING you are saying now.  And I moved into my own apartment 3 months after graduating high school and paid all my own bills.  We lasted 8 years and I gave up my college education for  him.  My scholarships died when I got married.

You can’t predict what you have never experienced.  Who is paying for your college and living expenses now?  If it is your dad, will he continue to pay for college and your wedding?

I know you disagree with everything I have written here, but I was once in your shoes and I was fully independent and supporting myself.  I know what I am talking about.

Post # 15
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Kng2178:  You are too young to get married.  I’d advise listening to your father.

Being on your own isn’t about being able to party – its about learning who you are as an independent, self-sufficient adult. You are saying everything every young bride has ever said and later realized was nonsense.

Wait. 

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