(Closed) help! clueless friends asked if they could be my bridesmaids…

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

Well, considering their only job is to stand up for you at your wedding, I’d first ask what their budget is for a bridesmaid dress, and then select a dress within their budget. That’s all they need to do for you. 🙂

Post # 5
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Um, sorry. I don’t know what to say. One of my best friends asked me and I said No. No need to explain too much. I guess you are just going to have to tell them that they are not going to be your BM’s because honestly, it’d be hard to tell one to drop out and not the other. Just talk to them and outline what you expect of them. If they can’t do it, then they are out.

Post # 6
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think you just need to talk to them and explain what your expectations are and the costs associated with it if they would like to be bridesmaids…assuming you do, in fact, want them as bridesmaids.  Either way, you need to talk to them and figure out where everyone stands on this and who is going to be a bridesmaid or not.  Good luck!   

Post # 7
1807 posts
Buzzing bee

Lordy, I actually had a friend ask if she could be my Maid/Matron of Honor, a year before I was engaged! I had to politely let her know that I wasn’t quite sure yet, and that I wanted to be the that got to ask her…not the other way around. She was actually really understanding. Maybe you could try something similar? Or send them the above link? I’ve actually heard of girls giving their bridesmaids a book about what to expect when you’re a bridesmaid…maybe you could look for some of those to give them?

good luck!

Post # 8
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

THink about it for a few days. If u decide u dont want them to be in it, let them know asap, gracefully. if you DO, just let them know *also asap* that your mom isnt paying for the dresses- you can just casually tell them the price of dresses, if they freak out u can “let tehm off the hook” and pick someone else!

Post # 9
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Why don’t you just have a Maid/Matron of Honor and thats it. Its would solve the problems and you having to pick

Post # 10
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I currently have the SAME problem…but with my Maid of Honor.  We’ve been friends for years and my 2 yr old and her 3 yr old are friends so we spend alot of time together.  I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor 6 months ago, she quickly said yes and was really excited until she realized the expense.  She is currently unemployed now which makes things even worse.  I split the cost of her dress with her and have bought her little girls dress (she’s my flower girl).  When we went shopping for Rehearsal dresses…she didn’t have money for this dress she fell in love with and I ended up buying it for her.  I am having a hard time getting her to understand that these are her responsibilities as the Maid/Matron of Honor and if she can’t afford it, then she needs to back out before it costs me anymore money. 

If I could go back I would’ve just been up front in the beginning.  You need to tell these girls BEFORE you go dress shopping “This is what it’s going to cost you” If you can’t afford it, I understand and will find someone else.  And besides, who the heck invites themselves into someone else’s wedding?  : )  That’s your decision as the bride!  It’s your day, don’t worry bout anyone but you and your fiance!!

Nip it in the bud now!!

Post # 11
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

There actions show their level of maturity…that being said, I agree with PP that you need to lay the law as to what is expected of them, and make great ephasis on the financial aspect.  You can also tell them that Fiance doesn’t want anything more than his Bridesmaid or Best Man and your Maid/Matron of Honor so maybe they can help at ceremony by handing out programs, etc.

Post # 12
1056 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You need to say something and stay true to your heart and whom you want in the wedding.  But you also, need to hurry up so there is time to get the dresses and get them altered in time.  Good Luck.  If you don’t want them in the wedding then tell them so, but make sure to tell them that you weren’t sure when you were asked and put on the spot.

@belle2be Also, there is A LOT more involved than just standing up for the bride!  You are to be there, to help, listen and to throw a bridal shower, to be there for the bachelorette party, or any other parties.  Please don’t say that your girls are just to “Stand up” for you.  I take serious offense to that as I was a bridesmaid many times and it was an HONOR to do so! 

Post # 13
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

The first thing I told all my bridesmaids was the price of the dress and the cost involved and asked them to think  it over before letting me know if they could definitely do it or not. Because I didnt want to deal with any suprises or drama later on. Its definitel worked out great for me.  I think you had the perfect excuse to say no, considering they dont work and never have money. Tell them the dresses are xpensive and there are other costs involved and they will probably change their minds

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