Post # 1
Member
35 posts
Newbee
Sorry this is long but I need help!
I recently moved to a new state because that’s where my fiance was stationed. I attend the state university here, and have made plenty of friends. My wedding is in five months, so I’ve been thinking about who I want as my bridesmaids.
I’ve only been here three months…and even though I have some good friends already, I wanted to wait a little longer to see who I was closest to and everything. I already have my maid of honor (who I asked almost a year ago)
Anyway, a few nights ago, my two friends were asking how wedding planning was coming. They asked if I had picked out all the dresses and stuff, to which I told them no because we hadn’t even figured out the wedding party yet. One of the girls immediately asked “Can us two be your bridesmaids?!” I couldn’t believe she had just asked…and couldn’t think of anything to say other than “Sure…if you want…” I was kind of upset because I couldn’t say no to my good friends…but I had wanted to give it more thought.
A reason I’m worried is they are both 18/19 year old college students and neither of them work. My mom made it clear to me that my girls would be paying for their dresses and stuff. These two girls specifically never have money on them and never want to pay for stuff. (But when it comes down to it, they are good friends and their hearts are in the right place…they’re just broke college students) I’m not sure if they are aware of everything that comes with being a bridesmaid. I feel bad because they are super excited to help me with wedding stuff and have a bridal shower and all that. But I feel like I’m going to be short changed on things…and end up paying for a lot more than I should because of who my bridesmaids are.
My maid of honor is the same age as me, and married, (so actually matron of honor!) so she knows the drill. And I feel like she’s going to clash with these two girls because they don’t really know what their job entails.
So now I need help! How am I supposed to deal with the fact that my friends asked to be my bridesmaids?! I was probably going to ask one of them, but not the other. And also…how can I make them pay for everything they need to take care of…without sounding rude? 🙁 As well as make them aware of what all they need to do for me?
Post # 3
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/interesting-article-about-costs-to-be-a-bridesmaid
send them these links to read, just to give them some information. They may change their minds!
Post # 4
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee
Well, considering their only job is to stand up for you at your wedding, I’d first ask what their budget is for a bridesmaid dress, and then select a dress within their budget. That’s all they need to do for you. 🙂
Post # 5
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee
Um, sorry. I don’t know what to say. One of my best friends asked me and I said No. No need to explain too much. I guess you are just going to have to tell them that they are not going to be your BM’s because honestly, it’d be hard to tell one to drop out and not the other. Just talk to them and outline what you expect of them. If they can’t do it, then they are out.
Post # 6
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
I think you just need to talk to them and explain what your expectations are and the costs associated with it if they would like to be bridesmaids…assuming you do, in fact, want them as bridesmaids. Either way, you need to talk to them and figure out where everyone stands on this and who is going to be a bridesmaid or not. Good luck!
Post # 7
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
Lordy, I actually had a friend ask if she could be my Maid/Matron of Honor, a year before I was engaged! I had to politely let her know that I wasn’t quite sure yet, and that I wanted to be the that got to ask her…not the other way around. She was actually really understanding. Maybe you could try something similar? Or send them the above link? I’ve actually heard of girls giving their bridesmaids a book about what to expect when you’re a bridesmaid…maybe you could look for some of those to give them?
good luck!
Post # 8
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
THink about it for a few days. If u decide u dont want them to be in it, let them know asap, gracefully. if you DO, just let them know *also asap* that your mom isnt paying for the dresses- you can just casually tell them the price of dresses, if they freak out u can “let tehm off the hook” and pick someone else!
Post # 9
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
Why don’t you just have a Maid/Matron of Honor and thats it. Its would solve the problems and you having to pick
Post # 10
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
I currently have the SAME problem…but with my Maid of Honor. We’ve been friends for years and my 2 yr old and her 3 yr old are friends so we spend alot of time together. I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor 6 months ago, she quickly said yes and was really excited until she realized the expense. She is currently unemployed now which makes things even worse. I split the cost of her dress with her and have bought her little girls dress (she’s my flower girl). When we went shopping for Rehearsal dresses…she didn’t have money for this dress she fell in love with and I ended up buying it for her. I am having a hard time getting her to understand that these are her responsibilities as the Maid/Matron of Honor and if she can’t afford it, then she needs to back out before it costs me anymore money.
If I could go back I would’ve just been up front in the beginning. You need to tell these girls BEFORE you go dress shopping “This is what it’s going to cost you” If you can’t afford it, I understand and will find someone else. And besides, who the heck invites themselves into someone else’s wedding? : ) That’s your decision as the bride! It’s your day, don’t worry bout anyone but you and your fiance!!
Nip it in the bud now!!
Post # 11
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
There actions show their level of maturity…that being said, I agree with PP that you need to lay the law as to what is expected of them, and make great ephasis on the financial aspect. You can also tell them that Fiance doesn’t want anything more than his Bridesmaid or Best Man and your Maid/Matron of Honor so maybe they can help at ceremony by handing out programs, etc.
Post # 12
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee
You need to say something and stay true to your heart and whom you want in the wedding. But you also, need to hurry up so there is time to get the dresses and get them altered in time. Good Luck. If you don’t want them in the wedding then tell them so, but make sure to tell them that you weren’t sure when you were asked and put on the spot.
@belle2be Also, there is A LOT more involved than just standing up for the bride! You are to be there, to help, listen and to throw a bridal shower, to be there for the bachelorette party, or any other parties. Please don’t say that your girls are just to “Stand up” for you. I take serious offense to that as I was a bridesmaid many times and it was an HONOR to do so!
Post # 13
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
The first thing I told all my bridesmaids was the price of the dress and the cost involved and asked them to think it over before letting me know if they could definitely do it or not. Because I didnt want to deal with any suprises or drama later on. Its definitel worked out great for me. I think you had the perfect excuse to say no, considering they dont work and never have money. Tell them the dresses are xpensive and there are other costs involved and they will probably change their minds
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