(Closed) Help composing a message to a self-inviter?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Personally, I think it sounds like you’re trying way too hard. She wrote you a blunt, to-the-point message asking if she was invited to the wedding. I think it would be totally okay to write her a blunt, to-the-point message in return. I don’t think you need to explain yourself so much.

 Something like, “Dear X, Unfortunately we are unable to invite everyone we would like to… I hope you can understand and hope that you’re doing well!”


Post # 4
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

take out the middle paragraph. the beginning of the 3rd paragraph also implies that she’s on a b-list and might get an invitation…is that accurate?

keep it simple. keep the first paragraph, then just say that you’re having a small wedding and had to limit the guest list. no further explanation needed.

Post # 5
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

You should not invite someone you haven’t seen or talked to regularly in the past 3 years.  Don’t cave. 

I think you are over explaining things and she may interpret she’s invited if you have a low RSVP number. 

I’d be a little more direct, and keep it short and sweet.  Something like, “Due to space and budget restrictions, we had to limit things to family and our closest friends.  I hope you understand”  That way, nothing is open to interpretation.   

Post # 6
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

yeah, i think you should just be more honest than that.  there are a lot of excuses in that message that she could try and counter (this girl sounds LOVELY, by the way lol)

i would go more along the lines of…

Hey {Crazy Girl},

So good to hear from you.  How are things going with you?  Haven’t spoken in forever!

Unfortunately, we aren’t able to invite all the people we’d like to the wedding.  Thanks so much for understanding. 

Stay in touch!

Post # 8
36 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

Perhaps I’m a bitch, but I feel like you don’t really owe her an explanation.  Innocent

Post # 9
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

also, i think it is funny that she says she hasn’t gotten an invitation and hasn’t heard anything about it…she answers her own bloody question right there! lol

Post # 10
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with PP – don’t be so nice and don’t leave a window open for an invitation for her if there is not one.  I think you should be direct and clear in your message. 

Post # 11
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Completely cut out the paragraph “To answer your question…”- it’s just way too much.

I’m sure you feel super awkward about this but giving a huge reply and ending it with a possibility of an invite coming her way is just even more awkward. She’ll find out that the wedding is in a huge space and then it’ll just be worse.

I think it’s best just to be straight forward. I like ME Team’s wording of “Unfortunately we are unable to invite everyone we would like to… I hope you can understand and hope that you’re doing well!”

Post # 13
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Speaking from experience, if you don’t want to invite her, don’t be wishy-washy – or she will keep asking for updates (ie: an invitation) right up until the wedding.  I’d keep it short and sweet – thank her for her well wishes and say you’ve already made the guest list.

Post # 14
1807 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, I’m not really a fan of this: ‘We hadn’t heard from you in a while so we thought you were no longer living in **** and off doing bigger and better things.. ๐Ÿ™‚  We didn’t want to inconvenience you with traveling back from wherever you were to attend the wedding, so we did not include you in the budgeted guest list.’

I would take that part out and keep it simple like the others said. Don’t give too much information and hang yourself…ya know? Just say due to budget and size restraints you unfortunately weren’t able to invite everyone you wanted to.

Post # 15
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I think you’re providing her way too much information, and you’re sort of insinuating that you would have invited her, and might invite her in the future.  None of that is really necessary.  I agree with pp, and here’s what I would write:

Dear A,

Unfortunately, we had to limit our guest list and weren’t able to invite everyone.  I hope you understand and I hope all is well with you!



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