(Closed) Help! Conservative family, considering just eloping instead. Ideas?!

posted 6 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
Member
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You didn’t talk about being worried about anyone in your family in particular, just in general. Is there someone in your family that you feel comfortable discussing this with? If you decide not to elope, it will help to have someone in your family fielding for you.  Why don’t you plan out some of the specific things you want (sounds like you’ve already started to do so) and then start telling a few people in your family about how the plans are going.  It would be really nice if your friends and your family could be there.

Oh and here’s a thought. If you know your family tends to not travel, just have it away from them. It’s a thought of a way to ensure that only family who really want to be at your wedding will show up.

Post # 4
Member
3141 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You deserve to have your special day so have a small wedding with the people who support you. Do not invite people you believe will be a problem. 

Post # 5
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@multibean25:  oh honey, sorry you are having this problem.  Why can’t people see love trumps everything?  I think if you and your girlfriend want to elope you should.  Do your families know you are engaged?  Are you out to them?  I would certainly suggest them knowing your plans before you do it   Might lessen the shock.  People elope for all different reasons so you don’t need to feel your wedding will be any less.  My girlfriend wants our families there and I do aswell, but I’d also be equally as happy running off to get married in a nice registry office.  I am also uncomfortable spending so much money on just one day.  So we are compromising and having a small wedding with just immediate family and close friends.  It’s the thoughts behind the day that counts ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Also want to add that although my family have been supportive when my fiancée first came out her mother didn’t talk to her for 3 months.  I didn’t know her at the time but I know from her brother that it wasnt good, basically.  Her mum, with time has come round to the idea and is now excitedly wanting to help us plan our big day.   People can change with time.  

PM if you need to chat. 

Post # 6
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Who in your family is the biggest problem?  Does your mom or dad understand?  I would talk to the person who is the most understanding, but who is also part of your family.  See if you can determine what your family’s response would be if you were married by your friend, not in a church, and had a wide range of people at the wedding.  Sometimes it helps to get the view of an insider who is not yourself, ya know?

Post # 7
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Do a destination wedding. Some fun ideas are book a cruise with your friends and get married on one of the islands. Very easy. Here is a link as an example:

http://www.heartofcayman.com/Cruisepassenger_weddings.htm

 

Or Vegas, etc. Whatever suits you.

Then back home for family have maybe a Blessing/Prayer and a reception.

Do what you want. Screw em. heehee

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CaymanGirl:  though maybe not the Cayman Islands… Isn’t gay marriage illegal there as of 2008/2009? I might be  mistaken.  I’m sure there are many gay friendly people there but sounds like OP needs a place full of gay love equality ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 10
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Is your immediate family supportive? If you want a compromise between the big drama-filled wedding and eloping, you can always have a small wedding (maybe outdoors or in a unique venue?) with just immediate family and close friends, and rent a banquet room in a restaurant to have dinner after. You can still decorate and have a photographer, flowers, and have your friends present.

Nothing wrong with eloping of course though, if that’s what you two would prefer!

Post # 11
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@anahappilyeverafter:  I think the poster isn’t gay herself, she is marrying a man. I think her friends are part of the LGBQT community……

but just as well, it was just an idea. I just happened to have that link as an example.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CaymanGirl:  ah ok, my mistake.  I thought she was LGBT.  Cayman islands ahoy hoy then! 

 

EDIT : just retread post and totally missed the part about marrying a man.  Doh! 

Post # 13
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Boulevard Brewery

I know this thread has been quiet for a little while, I have been absent from the boards for a long time… honestly, I think you invite everyone and give them the opportunity to interact with awesome people (gay, straight, trans, or indifferent)… I think people (especially family) will by and large behave on issues like this at someone’s wedding, and just maybe you will give them an opportunity they never would have had in their daily life.  I think we do our intolerant family/friends an injustice by giving them an easy out and not giving them the opportunity to rise to the occasion… now if they are going to be nasty or violent all of that goes out the window, but people tend to behave (for the most part) at weddings.  

Post # 14
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I understand your situation. My family is also quite conservative but I didn’t want to bend to their intolerance so Darling Husband and I did whatever we wanted. Like you, I was more worried about my friends feeling uncomfortable. 

I would suggest having a small wedding and paying for it yourself. If you family has a problem with your friends, they dont have to come. 

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